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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Manager keeps talking about me being on a diet. Aibu?

164 replies

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:11

I've been going to Sw for years and lost several stone. I have one stone to go. My Manager is constantly bringing up me being on a diet into every conversation even if other people are there. She scrutinises everything I eat and even if we are on a night out she's discussing it if I'm eating. She tells me to just eat soup. She asks me very week if I have lost and I say for example a pound she will start laughing saying is that it?? I walk out the door to go my sw and she asks how much to go now and then starts rolling her eyes. I'm in a new job so don't want to rock the boat where it's a small business and she is the manager. She is thin and never had kids. I keep changing the subject as she keeps saying I'm always eating and talking about food but i never bring it up she is the one who does. i only told her because my old workplace was really supportive and we all helped each other with recipes. I really don't know how to deal with this. I thought she would forget if I don't bring it up. I really regret telling her about it. Any ideas what to say next time she starts talking about it? I don't want a big confrontation as a new job but I think I need to put her in her place.

OP posts:
frenchchick9 · 14/01/2019 11:01

Its been months of me putting a wrapper in the bin and her getting the wrappers out of my bin and commenting on what I am eating

Shock

She is way out of line. Follow up with an email, CC in HR. That should stop it.

kaitlinktm · 14/01/2019 11:06

She is way out of line. Follow up with an email, CC in HR. That should stop it.

She IS the HR though.

elfies · 14/01/2019 11:06

Not taking your managers side, but perhaps she didn't know what she could chat about to you and is bringing it into conversation as an opening gambit each time just so she can include you in conversation

YouDancin · 14/01/2019 11:07

Good on you!

Getting wrappers out and examining them?? That is TOTALLY batshit! And utterly totally harrassing behaviour.

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 11:07

Defo right about the email. She has just had her forth biscuit as I heard her unwrapping it and eating it!! I honestly daren't eat anything in here anymore. I'm waiting for the other boss to get back tomorrow so I can mention to him. She seems to snack on biscuits/crisps all day. We went out for a work lunch last week. Had a lunch and she only ate half of it. She said "she takes it I wont be eating tonight after eating all that" If we go again we need to order the childrens meals. I had ordered an omelette.

OP posts:
YouDancin · 14/01/2019 11:08

@elfies So to start a conversation you would rifle through a person's wastebin and make comments about an imaginary eating disorder in an accusatory tone? Hmm Didn't think so

DarlingNikita · 14/01/2019 11:09

She said "she takes it I wont be eating tonight after eating all that" If we go again we need to order the childrens meals

Seriously, tell her straight to NOT comment again on what you eat. Tell her you find it rude and intrusive.

Wordthe · 14/01/2019 11:13

Just say
are you on glue or something

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 11:14

She has just unwrapped her 5th chocolate bar!!! Its all I can do to not say anything. How dare she comment on me!! I will be more assertive from now on about the food issue and tell her not to comment. I havent had a childrens meals in years. TBH I didnt think you were allowed to order one if you were over 18 anyway.

OP posts:
Waspnest · 14/01/2019 11:16

I think that a lot of the AIBU dilemmas could be sorted a lot quicker if people took your approach! Good on you.

Wordthe · 14/01/2019 11:22

Telling you to order children's meals is very insulting she is telling you that you are a child and beneath Her
you should tell her that she should eat baby food😂🤣😂
buy her some of those little jars of baby food
or maybe you could eat them yourself in an ironic manner 😂

Original poster
Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 11:23

I just had enough after I had got up early, sorted stuff for an outing this evening, got two kids out of bed. Took them to the childminder, took the bus into work and had the cheek to eat a low fat cereal bar on the bus. Simply put the wrapper in the bin and started going on about me "eating in secret again". Last week she asked what dress size I am. I told her depends with online can be 12 or up to 16. Depends on shops. She starts pulling a horrified face and saying she is a size 8. From now on, I will be asking why does she need to know? Dont know if its got worse or I've just completely lost patience!!

OP posts:
EssentialHummus · 14/01/2019 11:27

Just please don't comment on her chocolate bars, it'll all kick off!

With my quack hat on, I think she feels ashamed of her attitude to food, and turns that round by trying to shame you.

I hope that's the end of it, though possibly agree re an email to HR.

danceyourselfsilly · 14/01/2019 11:27

She sounds like a horrible bully or a terrible bore! Just wanted to send a hug - you said the right thing - well done :) Ignore all comments now but make notes of time and roughly what said so if you have to escalate it you have something written down

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 14/01/2019 11:29

ask her how much she's lost, weighs, size of husbands penis, contents of pension fund, allowance on credit card, amount in current account, savings plans, has she had an sti etc.......

NoSquirrels · 14/01/2019 11:30

Don't blame you for snapping. I'd just leave it now, honestly.

If she brings it up ("Why did you talk to me like that?" etc.) then I would be calm but honest and say that it seems extremely intrusive that she comments on your food and diet all the time, and perhaps she doesn't really realise that she is doing it, but it is really upsetting you and it would be best if you both stayed off the subject of food completely.

Then offer a cup of tea and crack on with work. It's her issue, not yours.

Sparklesocks · 14/01/2019 11:31

She sounds like she has serious issues, its so unfair for her to project them onto you.

Maelstrop · 14/01/2019 11:34

Send the email. Cc in the other manager. Talk to the other manager tomorrow. He needs to have serious words with her.

Jenny17 · 14/01/2019 11:35

Eat whatever you want, whenever you want within reason.

I do feel you have perhaps stirred up issues within your manager - not your fault, by speaking on sw.
Feels like your manager is going to do and say whatever regardless. Whether or not you formally address it or not, don't feed the troll. How much have you lost? can't remember. You should order children's meals? when you get yours remind me. Who has been eating this? Can't remember. How much to go now? Not sure, cant remember etc. Might give up sw soon.

Manager probably doesn't want to see you succeed whilst she "fails"/reminds her of the goals she's not achieving.

DistanceCall · 14/01/2019 11:36

She clearly has food issues. But you SERIOUSLY need to disengage from her.

Don't give her ammunition. Don't answer her questions, even with ridiculous answers - just keep repeating "I prefer not to talk about that", over and over and over, like a scratched recording.

If she continues to harrass you, talk to HR (if you have one at work). She's continually commenting on your body, which is completely unacceptable.

BunsOfAnarchy · 14/01/2019 11:39

You need to send an email.
Copy in HR

She is giving you jibes about your weight.
State how you have put up with it for months ans you do not need to be scrutinised over every god dam biscuit. This is a place of work not a diet club and you do not wish to have your personal matters discussed openly in such a brazen way.

Add that you findit difficult to take her seriously as a professional when she cant hold herself back from effectively bin diving to see if you have had a snack. This is not prison.

ContessaIsOnADietDammit · 14/01/2019 11:40

OP, you've done nothing wrong. She's been on at you for ages and you cracked. You're normal and not a cow. Keep your head down, do your work and don't apologise whatever you do. You're in the right.

DistanceCall · 14/01/2019 11:40

Oh, and in the future, it's best if you don't talk about your diet to other people. It's a topic of conversation that tends to bring out some very strange reactions in many people, including those who are most reasonable or who you would expect to support you. It's pretty irrational.

BerylStreep · 14/01/2019 11:49

Once you have spoken with your other manager tomorrow, make sure you follow it up by e-mail.

Any time she attempts to raise it again with you, just put your hand up in a 'stop' gesture and say, 'please stop'. No further comment is needed.

Fromage · 14/01/2019 11:53

omg your boss is a total weirdy

I'm someone who will (and this isn't aways wise) take the piss right back, so I would ask everyone I know to save their chocolate boxes, crisp wrappers, biscuit tins etc for me and I would ceremonially dump them in the bin every morning exclaiming loudly about enjoying a light snack on the bus. Then I would say "Does anyone know where I can buy half a cow? I really fancy a big dinner tonight. Preferably a cow with a lot of fat on it, I like when meat is juicy. And nobody needs to suggest desserts for me - I'm going to have a light dessert of lard and sugar cubes."

I would even go so far as to pop (cleaned!) empty packets of bacon in the bin. But I just like to provoke someone when they're being a passive aggressive weirdy.

But my sympathy, OP, she sounds very tormented about food and ime people who behave like this are often jealous of the person they're obsessing about. So I imagine there is something you have in your life (children?) that she is seethingly, furiously, envious of.