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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Manager keeps talking about me being on a diet. Aibu?

164 replies

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:11

I've been going to Sw for years and lost several stone. I have one stone to go. My Manager is constantly bringing up me being on a diet into every conversation even if other people are there. She scrutinises everything I eat and even if we are on a night out she's discussing it if I'm eating. She tells me to just eat soup. She asks me very week if I have lost and I say for example a pound she will start laughing saying is that it?? I walk out the door to go my sw and she asks how much to go now and then starts rolling her eyes. I'm in a new job so don't want to rock the boat where it's a small business and she is the manager. She is thin and never had kids. I keep changing the subject as she keeps saying I'm always eating and talking about food but i never bring it up she is the one who does. i only told her because my old workplace was really supportive and we all helped each other with recipes. I really don't know how to deal with this. I thought she would forget if I don't bring it up. I really regret telling her about it. Any ideas what to say next time she starts talking about it? I don't want a big confrontation as a new job but I think I need to put her in her place.

OP posts:

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:59

She is 8 stone and wants to be 7 stone she told me. I cannot eat in front of her cos she starts going on and on. if I do have a biscuit I'll wait for her to go out of the office as it isn't worth her talking about it. She eats crisps and biscuits all day long bit never a proper lunch. She's brought it up on work events, Xmas do when been out for cocktails. I just changed the subject. I just feel like a laughing stock. if she being a it up. I'll just say all the diet talk must be boring everyone so let's not discuss it anymore. I did mention the diet when I started as she mentioned she wanted to lose weight and we agreed to go walking.

OP posts:

Coralnails · 12/01/2019 10:04

Could you just say "I'm a bit fed up if talking about my diet" every time she mentions it.

Either that or perhaps tell her you've quit slimming world.

Billballbaggins · 12/01/2019 10:05

If you’ve hinted or been evasive it’s not worked, you need to tell her ‘I don’t want to talk about it’ every single time she mentions food/asks about your weight loss. It’s not being rude to say that.

R0binh0 · 12/01/2019 10:08

Do you work in PR? Sounds like my old boss - raging ED and botox addiction. Used to wind me up how she would talk about people until I realised and just felt so so sorry for her. Lost all respect though.

As PP have said, state publicly that you don't think it's constructive to discuss other people's diets all the time. Repeat every time she raises it. She will look like the one with the problem, not you.

recklessruby · 12/01/2019 10:10

She's massively projecting here. Policing what other people eat.
She's 8 stone but wants to be 7? And then 6 probably. She's the one with food issues.
I don't do SW but ww and the food is much healthier than what she eats all day long.
She sounds unpleasant too, and I bet she looks a wreck.
Well done on your weight loss. Ignore the cow!

Auntiepatricia · 12/01/2019 10:16

Just smile and say pleasantly ‘are you going on about my diet again? You seem very fixated on it!’ every time she mentions anything diet related to you. When she tries to carry on and justify it just brush her aside with ‘I’m bored talking about it to be honest, some people have issues around food so it’s not good to keep talking about it. I’m simply on a diet but others have real problems so best not to talk about it ALL the time’.

Oldraver · 12/01/2019 10:18

I think you need to be blunt and tell her it's getting boring now.

Or you could turn it back on her and ask how much she has lost how her diet is going...everytime she asks you

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 12/01/2019 10:22

She's got no business whatsoever, commenting on your diet, your shape or anything like that.

I'd be saying something like "and what is it to do with you what I eat? Are you my mother? are you paying for it? No! So why keep commenting - do you have food issues yourself?"

Can't be doing with people who are so OTT intrusive into others' lives!

Sparklesocks · 12/01/2019 10:31

She’s definitely projecting her issues with food onto you, it’s unfair and frankly unprofessional as your manager.

I used to work with a woman who would say ‘oh wow, I couldn’t eat that’ if anyone dared have a chocolate bar at lunch, or eat anything mildly calorific. She would crane her neck to see what everyone was eating and tell them the fat content (extra fun at the Xmas lunches!). In the end HR had a private word with her as it was causing a bit of an atmosphere!

As PP have suggested, don’t engage and firmly but politely shut down so there’s no room for the conversation to continue. I’m sorry you’re having to deal with this at work, it’s so exhausting.

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 10:37

Yes I've tried to not engage and change the subject but she scrutinises everything I eat or starts talking about a weight loss programme she was watching last night. She was listening to the radio about diet yest, pulled out her earphones and was like this is you. You need to put down the muffin. I didn't engage. Maybe it's worse because it's January. I'm going to try to be more firm from now on and adopt a few strategies like walking our the office if she starts talking about it and saying I don't want to keep talking about it. She is the HR in the business. This is the problem.

OP posts:

C0untDucku1a · 12/01/2019 10:41

What has not having children got to do with anything?!

Trills · 12/01/2019 10:52

Diet chat is awful.

Theunreasonableone · 12/01/2019 10:52

What has not having children got to do with anything?!

Out of everything said in this thread that is what you are going to pick up on

pinkyredrose · 12/01/2019 10:55

I think she's got issues! How did she find out you were going to SW?

Coralnails · 12/01/2019 11:07

Remember op, this is her issue not yours. I can imagine how awkward and embarrassing it must feel for you, but it really is her who's got the problem.

ForalltheSaints · 12/01/2019 11:09

I think you need to be blunt about not wanting to speak about it, preferably said to her not in other people's hearing.

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 11:15

Yeah I think she may have issues like you say. Unfortunately our team are out for lunch next week and I know she will say something. I told her I put on weight after having kids. She can't have kids naturally and I don't think she has any understanding that when pregnant you can put on weight and your body changes. I almost feel like she is taking the p*ss out of me. I regret ever telling her about my weigh ins.

OP posts:

Tobythecat · 12/01/2019 11:17

She sounds like a prize cunt

longwayoff · 12/01/2019 11:24

Highly likely she has eating disorder and is projecting. Tell her firmly to stfu. Stop explaining and justifying what you do, it's none of her business. And you may want to remark on her obsession with food. I would, most wouldn't though.

longwayoff · 12/01/2019 11:27

HR? Time for a training course, she obviously isnt and remotely into date to say the least.

longwayoff · 12/01/2019 11:27

up to date

WaterOffaDucksCrack · 12/01/2019 11:35

She shouldn't be talking about your diet or weight. I'd just do what pps said and tell her you don't want to talk about it.

However I feel this is a little nasty:
She can't have kids naturally and I don't think she has any understanding that when pregnant you can put on weight and your body changes.
Everyone knows you put on weight when you're pregnant because of the baby and water etc. But there's no need to put on loads and loads or to keep it on, it's just an excuse. Making out she "doesn't understand" because she is can't have kids isn't kind. Do you make her feel bad because of this?

Surfingtheweb · 12/01/2019 11:37

If she is the HR she will know that once you raise this & ask her not to discuss it with you that if she continues then she could be seen as bullying you. Seriously don't try all this ignoring her, walking off, changing the subject. Just tell her you don't like it & it's making you unhappy. There is nothing wrong with that, & as a manager myself I would much prefer someone tell me if I'm upsetting them rather than being upset & hurt & having to ask on MN for advice & support. If you don't feel able to say it face to face write her an e mail & just apologise that you are doing it via e mail but that it's upsetting you to the point you don't feel able to say something in person.
If you think about her intentions behind these conversations or comments, I doubt she is doing it to be nasty (or she might be) but either way once you ask for it to stop it either will or you have to escalate it. My guess is once you make her aware it's a problem she will stop the comments.

Original poster

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 11:44

I just said to her I had put on weight in pregnancy that was all and her eyes were glazing over. I'm saying to you I don't think she understands. Anyway I've decided to say I don't want to discuss diets anymore.

OP posts:

woolduvet · 12/01/2019 11:44

Tell her you quit as people constantly going on about your weight and analysing what you were eating has begun to upset you....

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