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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Manager keeps talking about me being on a diet. Aibu?

164 replies

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:11

I've been going to Sw for years and lost several stone. I have one stone to go. My Manager is constantly bringing up me being on a diet into every conversation even if other people are there. She scrutinises everything I eat and even if we are on a night out she's discussing it if I'm eating. She tells me to just eat soup. She asks me very week if I have lost and I say for example a pound she will start laughing saying is that it?? I walk out the door to go my sw and she asks how much to go now and then starts rolling her eyes. I'm in a new job so don't want to rock the boat where it's a small business and she is the manager. She is thin and never had kids. I keep changing the subject as she keeps saying I'm always eating and talking about food but i never bring it up she is the one who does. i only told her because my old workplace was really supportive and we all helped each other with recipes. I really don't know how to deal with this. I thought she would forget if I don't bring it up. I really regret telling her about it. Any ideas what to say next time she starts talking about it? I don't want a big confrontation as a new job but I think I need to put her in her place.

OP posts:
Mummyoflittledragon · 14/01/2019 09:42

Good. I’m glad she’s gone quiet. Maybe she’s got the message. Her comment was disgusting. If you’re pulled up on this by her or higher ups, don’t hesitate to defend yourself. She’s in the wrong, not you

justilou1 · 14/01/2019 09:48

Good for you! I would have lost my shit a long time before you did!

M3lon · 14/01/2019 10:09

Well at least you picked a good one to go off at. Its 100% batshit to be commenting on what people put in their bin or accusing them in public of having an eating disorder!

It clearly is part of a much bigger behavioural problem, but on that one instance alone it would be trivial to make the case that her behaviour was inappropriate and bullying.

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 10:11

Thank you. Well its been months of me putting a wrapper in the bin and her getting the wrappers out of my bin and commenting on what I am eating. I just cant take it anymore. I feel harrassed!!!!!!!

OP posts:
ltk · 14/01/2019 10:11

What happened? Listen, whatever happened, she had it coming. You okay?

ltk · 14/01/2019 10:12

That posted way late!

DarlingNikita · 14/01/2019 10:15

She's got serious issues.

Meet every comment with a cold stare and 'I'm not interested in talking about it' or 'That's very rude'.

Maelstrop · 14/01/2019 10:16

I think this was needed, OP. Past time she stopped harassing you, which is what she's been doing.

Now is the perfect time to follow up with an email saying you have felt harassed by her constant comments about your eating habits/diet and as she can see, it's become an extreme source of irritation/upset and interferes with you doing your job. Tell her you'd appreciate no further comments and if she slips up, refer her to your email and ask if another discussion is required.

Maelstrop · 14/01/2019 10:17

Getting the wrappers out of the bin? She's a fruit loop!

TougheningUp · 14/01/2019 10:21

Send the email Maelstrop suggests but copy it in to HR and her boss. And then fill your bin with lots of chocolate wrappers and grin at her if she goes anywhere near it.

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 10:30

Yes Ill send the email. Problem is we share the same bin so I've just ordered my own bin. She started eating loads of biscuits a while ago and I was very tempted to say about "ooh eating a biscuit!" but that would make me as bad as her. She's just told me she put a pound on over xmas and trying to be good and what food she is eating. I dont want to talk about food all day long!!

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 14/01/2019 10:30

‘Gosh - you must need a hobby if all you can talk about is my diet’

‘Why are you bringing up my diet again? Are you interested in joining? You’d definitely be able to get those few pounds off if you came’

‘You’ve brought up my diet 5 times today - do you have some kind of food obsession? There’s loads of help out there - shall I help you find a therapist?’

FilledSoda · 14/01/2019 10:33

Haha, good for you .
Hopefully that's it resolved then.
Although she clearly isn't a nice person and she will never be someone you respect so just distance yourself and keep it purely work from now on

M3lon · 14/01/2019 10:41

diamond are you kidding? She has spoken to you about food again AFTER your outburst?

Honestly you need to get people higher up involved in this if even a straight forward intervention hasn't worked!

puzzledlady · 14/01/2019 10:42

I think she deserves it - she sounds rude and if i were you, i would have reported her to HR. I hope she shuts up now.

LakieLady · 14/01/2019 10:47

She really has got issues, OP - going through your bin to see what you've been eating, ffs? That's outrageous behaviour for a manager, especially an HR manager.

Imo, whatever her issues are, her behaviour towards you has been bullying. She needs someone to explain this to her. Could you speak to her manager, and ask them to have a word?

regmover · 14/01/2019 10:51

If she says anything like this after your blow up today (she'd be mad to!) just put your hand up in front of you in a "stop" gesture and say something like "I need you to stop commenting on my eating habits, diet and weight loss now. What I eat is my choice and really none of your business. I am feeling harassed and bullied and it's just not appropriate".

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 10:53

Yes after I said it she started talking about diet again. I dont want to engage so didnt say anything. I dont want to be pulled into talking about my diet so she can criticise. I've just told a colleague in the office as he is listening in to see what is going on. I feel under the microscope. I just dont like it. I've had colleagues in a previous job where we would talk about SW and swap recipes but this feels different. I feel completely hounded.

OP posts:
Juells · 14/01/2019 10:54

You were absolutely right to snap at her, and hopefully that will shut her up. However... *And I said I don't think her behaviour is supportive at all.
However... And I said I don't think her behaviour is supportive at all. is a sticky wicket IMO. You don't want her to be supportive, and she doesn't have any duty to be. You just want her to leave you alone and stop watching what you do.

Juells · 14/01/2019 10:55

OOPS, messed up post.

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 10:56

I barely put wrappers in the bin anymore after several times of her getting my wrappers out of the bin and waving them in the air discussing what i have been eating/drinking. I did have a packet of low fat crisps in the office the other day as was working through my lunch. I offered her one and she shouted" No thanks Ill get fat if I eat those". From now on I am eating in the break room and not working at my desk eating. Plus I've ordered my own bin so hopefully shes getting the message

OP posts:
M3lon · 14/01/2019 10:57

diamond I think you have to engage enough to tell her again, clearly, each time she talks about either diet or food, that you do not want to talk about that at work.

somehow she isn't getting it.

JeezOhGeeWhizz · 14/01/2019 10:57

You do need to escalate this HR.
This is bullying and harassment.

DarlingNikita · 14/01/2019 10:59

I barely put wrappers in the bin anymore after several times of her getting my wrappers out of the bin and waving them in the air discussing what i have been eating/drinking

She's a fucking freak but you mustn't stop eating in the office just because of her.

If she continues, stare at her in bafflement and say 'What on earth are you doing going through bins? Put that back please.' Basically, talk to her like you would a toddler.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/01/2019 10:59

I reckon it's jealousy. If she wants to lose weight but is constantly scoffing biscuits and crisps, suggests she has little food control.

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