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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Manager keeps talking about me being on a diet. Aibu?

164 replies

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 09:11

I've been going to Sw for years and lost several stone. I have one stone to go. My Manager is constantly bringing up me being on a diet into every conversation even if other people are there. She scrutinises everything I eat and even if we are on a night out she's discussing it if I'm eating. She tells me to just eat soup. She asks me very week if I have lost and I say for example a pound she will start laughing saying is that it?? I walk out the door to go my sw and she asks how much to go now and then starts rolling her eyes. I'm in a new job so don't want to rock the boat where it's a small business and she is the manager. She is thin and never had kids. I keep changing the subject as she keeps saying I'm always eating and talking about food but i never bring it up she is the one who does. i only told her because my old workplace was really supportive and we all helped each other with recipes. I really don't know how to deal with this. I thought she would forget if I don't bring it up. I really regret telling her about it. Any ideas what to say next time she starts talking about it? I don't want a big confrontation as a new job but I think I need to put her in her place.

OP posts:
C0untDucku1a · 12/01/2019 12:08

Theunreasonableone Hmm

daisychain01 · 12/01/2019 12:31

Doesn't she have any work to be getting on with? How does she find the time during the working day to chitchat about irrelevant crap like this anyway. Staggering!

AmIRightOrAMeringue · 12/01/2019 12:36

I also think she possibly has issues with food. I'd probably lie and say you've stopped going as happy with your weight or you're not bothered about losing weight.

Surfingtheweb · 12/01/2019 12:44

Sorry just to add if you discuss it in person it would be a good idea to follow that up with an e mail thanking her for her time & understanding that you don't want to talk about it anymore & you are looking forward to forgetting it & moving on. Again if she's HR she will know that this e mail is designed to ensure the conversation is documented. Then save the e mail in case you need it in the future. Good luck.

SusanWalker · 12/01/2019 12:47

I'm not sure if telling her you've reached goal of have quit is going to help. Shoes just going to move on to saying you shouldn't eat some thing because you'll put the weight back on. She's happy to say things to other members of your team after all.

I think you need to be a bit blunt. When you are out for lunch and she starts commenting on what you are eating just say thanks for watching everything I eat but I'm more than capable of doing it for myself. If she comments again then say like I said I don't need any advice on what to eat, that's what I pay slimming world for. I expect the rest of your team will be silently cheering you on.

FlyMayBe · 12/01/2019 12:49

Just dropping in to say that SurfingtheWeb's advice is spot on.

Wordthe · 12/01/2019 13:06

She's a spiteful bully

MarieIVanArkleStinks · 12/01/2019 13:07

YANBU. At all. She's bloody rude, and I agree with a PP that it sounds very much like projection.

In your shoes, I'd be inclined to do a Duckie from 'Pretty in Pink' and next time she brings it up say something completely silly and irrelevant like 'Well, how about that stock market?' Or the sarcasmo in me wants to go one better and say: 'Wow, have you read that some people are stockpiling food ahead of Brexit? Mad isn't it? But I do find when people can talk of nothing but food it's a crashing bore .... '

After which, I'd try to remove myself from her presence as soon as possible before she can think of a witty rejoinder. If she doesn't take the hint after that lot, she really will look a fool!

Juells · 12/01/2019 13:12

She probably doesn't know she's doing it. A friend's OH is very overweight and whenever I visit she spends ages telling me (and expecting ooohs and aaahs of congratulation) how much weight her DH and son have lost, all through her efforts at controlling their food. She doesn't see anything odd about controlling their food and weight (and they weren't as overweight as she is, to start with) while eating all round her. It is about control - by controlling their food intake, she feels very virtuous.

Diamondangel8 · 12/01/2019 15:40

It's awful being like that. Her constantly on about me makes me feel pressured and scrutinised. Maybe she doesn't know she is doing it but I'm gonna tell her I don't wanna discuss it anymore. I find it really passive aggressive to bring up someone diet (though it's a lifestyle choice for me) in front of everyone when we are all out for a work lunch. I had a Christmas lunch and she was like "oh we are indulging are we??". I just said yes and turned to speak to the person next to me. It was an Xmas lunch and don't feel I should be shown up in front if everyone as I had a dessert for once 😣

OP posts:
Surfingtheweb · 12/01/2019 15:50

@Diamondangel8 Would have said something sooner if she wasn't your manager? If it was just another colleague? I'm the worst at speaking up, I have always tried to let things slide, but since being a manager myself I've learnt a lot about HR & employment law & about the impact the manager can have on an employee without intending to do or say anything bad. The biggest thing I've learnt is not to let things fester, because what started out as not particularly liking something can result in how you are feeling, it becomes really emotional, stressful & upsetting. But the fact is you have every right whether it's your manager, your colleague, the cleaner or the MD, it's doesn't matter who, but inside or outside work you have the right to say when you don't like something, just make sure you do it in the right way. So if talking to her in person will upset you, or if like me you'll struggle to get the words out then stick it in a really polite well worded e mail. There is absolutely nothing wrong in what you are asking for so you have no need to doubt yourself or be worried & upset.

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 09:02

I just completely lost it in the office as only been in 5 minutes and put a wrapper in the bin that was in my pocket and was accused of secretly eating. I just exploded. Oh no ☹

OP posts:
Bellasorellaa · 14/01/2019 09:05

God how annoying

Bellasorellaa · 14/01/2019 09:06

Lost it how?

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 09:11

I just snapped and said I don't need my food policing. That is was a cereal bar I had eaten on the way in. I'm sick of everything I eat being commented on. Being asked about my diet constantly. Asking how many pounds to go as walking out the door and then her pulling faces. What weight am I now? My diet being constantly scruitinized. I'm sick of her making fun of me with the diet and I can't take it anymore.. Oh dear. She didnt say anything. I'm at the point where I'm thinking of getting another job. I'm sick of it!

OP posts:
Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 09:12

And I said I don't think her behaviour is supportive at all. More like making fun of me. That I've been biting my tongue for months hoping she would stop etc. Shes gone all quiet.

OP posts:
Rhubarbisevil · 14/01/2019 09:15

Well, that certainly put your point across!

Don’t worry about losing your job over this. If they try to pull that stunt then hit them with a constructive dismissal claim.

Rhubarbisevil · 14/01/2019 09:18

Sorry, I misread your post.

If you enjoy your job then talk to HR if she continues with the diet talk.

If your boss has ruined the working environment for you then... listen to your gut. And well done on your SW success!

user1494670108 · 14/01/2019 09:20

Umm, I don't think that approach was suggested anywhere in the many replies Grin
Still, you've definitely made your point l, hope she shuts up now

AnotherNewName1 · 14/01/2019 09:25

Well at least you finally shut her up. Grin

dragonsteeth · 14/01/2019 09:37

Grinwell done on silencing her at last.

She does similar to a former colleague of mine who criticised people in the office for eating carrots - too sugary apparently.

She also told me that my supermarket own brand hand cream would make my children go blind, but she could recommend some arbonne products she conveniently had for sale in her bag....

Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 09:40

I didn't mean to snap but I'm tired and was getting myself ready and hadn't even logged on when I heard that stupid comment. I just feel harrassed! Hopefully that's an end to it.

OP posts:
Diamondangel8 · 14/01/2019 09:41

Lol at the carrot sticks!

OP posts:
ememem84 · 14/01/2019 09:41

Maybe not the best approach. But you’ve made your point! Good on you!

Claref80 · 14/01/2019 09:42

I bet everyone else in the office is silently cheering! Well done OP