Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

488 replies

Gyaradose · 11/01/2019 20:44

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

OP posts:
Frouby · 14/01/2019 07:16

I will disappear at around 4pm on a sunday to allow DH to cook the sunday roast in peace, obviously so he isn't lonely I will leave ds (5) with him. Ds just loves to help cook, it's especially fun when he is dealing with multiple pans and hot roasting trays.

I will arrive in the bedroom and notice that DH has done the ironing but not had chance to put it away. I know he gets upset if I lay at the side of it and topple piles so I will helpfully put mine away, and leave his, dds and dss on the chairrobe in a huge teetering pile. He will find that very helpful because I haven't laid on it. Obviously it would probably help more if I hung it up but am not sure where it goes. I don't do flatpack you see, because despite being a builder I hate stuff like that. Dw loves that shit though.

I am also going to start prioritising money differently. DH can absolutely manage with the absolute cheapest appliances and so on. There is no difference between a £20 hoover from Asda and a £150 vacs. However if it is something that interests me then it must be the absolute best of the best.

Also I will start offering to feed the chickens on a Saturday and Sunday. This will take at least 2 hours because they like to give me a few tips for the bookies. Obviously the fact they give me tips is a secret so I will deny it. Otherwise they will end up on the telly and some cruel experiments done. So denial is best.

Also I might start having eggs for breakfast even though no one else wants any. I will force ds to have some egg on toast, he will just eat the toast but as I made breakfast I don't have to wash the pots and reclean the kitchen. Am not yet sure how beans on toast with an egg on top warrants 2 frying pans, a pan, a microwave bowl, have a pack of lurpak and a scattering of toast crumbs across every surface but will work it out.

MyNameIsJane · 14/01/2019 07:19

Have lots of hobbies that don’t include family time.

Sicario · 14/01/2019 09:09

Do we really think it's a 30 minute shit or are they having sexy time with themselves?

RoboticSealpup · 14/01/2019 10:03

This is so fucking depressing. Because we all know that this is all true, and yet Mumsnetters are constantly berating those of us who give up on trying to do everything and become SAHMs. Year, how dare you "depend on a man financially" rather than simply "get your DH to do half of the childcare and housework. Yeah, shame on you.

Whatafustercluck · 14/01/2019 10:10

I'm going to repeatedly open cupboard doors/ the fridge and tell him something isn't in there, even though it's staring me in the face. I'm also going to start lots of jobs, none of which are an actual priority right now, yet still not quite finish them.

notquitethesame · 14/01/2019 11:16

I will insist on making a cooked breakfast at the weekend, as a treat for my hard working wife. In doing so I will use every pan/bowl/plate I can find and drip oil/egg etc on every surface.
In the unlikely event that I do not manage to escape after breakfast for long enough that my wife cleans up after me, I will wash up some, but not all, of the dishes. I will ensure that food and grease is left in the sink (surely hiding it under the washing up bowl is as good as clearing it out but much quicker). I will not clean any worksurface (but may add to water and dirty dishcloths to the mess).
I will then complain that the new kitchen has been allowed to become a mess.
If questioned about why I have not cleaned a specific item I will remind my wife that if she wants me to do something 'for her' she only needs to ask

Elfinablender · 14/01/2019 11:48

I shall recount all the household accomplishments that I have performed in exquisite detail to my spouse so that it would be quicker for them to just do it in the first place my work may never go unnoticed or forgotten.

mummysmummy · 14/01/2019 11:58

For those who are saying this thread is sexist and demeaning to men, let me tell you how it starts. Well how it started for me, forty years ago. In the early days, living together is fun. Lazy mornings in bed, housework undone-we are too much in love to bother with such mundane stuff like doing the dishes. But a few panicked mornings with no clean knickers and no coffee in the cupboard encourages a more pro active approach to housework. From one of the couple anyway. And love is blind so if the woman picks up dirty washing for her beloved every morning, she is displaying her love and care for the man. The man sees this and thinks how wonderful it is that his darling cares so much that she is willing to pick up his dirty socks and pants.
As children arrive and the daily grind kicks in, darling finds she is picking up more than dirty socks. Gradually, she finds that without some major input from her the house would be a filthy, untidy midden and no one would eat. The man meanwhile has lost the ability to comprehend that the toilet doesn’t clean itself and meals need some thought process and effort. He watches his darling skilfully manage this and marvels at her ability to create a calm, safe space for him and the children. Darling must love him so much as she takes such care. Darling, however, is frazzled, rushed and far too busy to think beyond tomorrow and the Thomas the Tank engine cake she promised to bake for ds birthday-how can she fashion the funnel?
Darling, however, has tried many ways over the years to get her beloved to participate in the running of the home. She asks him to clean the bathroom. He does. Later she finds that he has wiped her face flannel around the room and then put it back on the sink. No products were used, the floor is wet and last week’s towels are bunched on the rail. Beloved, she says, why did you use my flannel to clean the bathroom and why does it still look like a tip. Darling, he replies, you didn’t ask me to bring the rubbish out/replace the towels/use products on the hard surfaces/wipe toothpaste from the sink/remove shaving foam from the mirror etc etc etc.
And so it goes on. The man who is responsible for multi million pound deals of great complexity in the work place now needs a step by step guide to doing the laundry.
Darling is stressed. Full time work and children aren’t compatible with keeping your temper, so she shouts. She begs. She pleads. She threatens. She crys. Beloved is bemused. On several occasions she stops doing the wife work. Rubbish and washing build up, the fridge empties, and the house is a danger zone of Lego and small pieces of plastic. Beloved glances over his glasses at the chaos and offers to order a takeaway. Again. Darling caves in, the children need clean uniform and decent food.
Years pass. Darling explained to beloved that living in squalor is not a way to live and that there are certain tasks that need to be done to maintain a reasonable standard of living. She explains that while his dirty pants and socks on the bedroom floor is a trivial matter, this has been going on for decades and she is fed up of clearing them away. Likewise she is fed up with having to tidy the house that is covered in his stuff that litters every room. She points out that as he walks through the door he discards various items from the hall to the living room to the kitchen then up the stairs. Cupboard doors seem to spring open and their contents fall to the floor as he passes. The house that was a haven of peace and tranquillity has become a death trap of odd shoes and briefcases, socks and papers. She says all this through gritted teeth. Darling and beloved have a serious (another) talk. Darling makes a list of daily, weekly, monthly tasks that she performs and tells him she has had enough of doing everything. He must choose the tasks he wishes to do and they will become his responsibility. Beloved is shocked. The bed is changed every week he says, why we do that, it’s not as though it gets dirty.
So, he has his tasks, he promises to do them without darling asking. Darling promises to leave him too it without nagging.. Darling feels happy that it is all finally sorted.
Months pass. Beloved decides that some of the tasks don’t need doing with the frequency that darling has decreed. He lets it slide. Darling asks why there is a pile of recycling on the work surface, by the front door, in the porch and the recycling bins that we put into the new kitchen are crammed with the stuff and won’t shut. Beloved huffs and puffs. He’s reading the paper, he will do it later.
Later comes. Darling is stacking the dishwasher. Beloved tells her that she is staking it incorrectly. Darling has a sharp knife in her hand. She seriously thinks of plunging it into beloved’s torso and watching the smug, self righteous smile wiped off his lazy face. Darling wonders whether a jury of her peers would find her guilty of murder when, in truth, all he did was make a comment about her dishwasher stacking routine. Darling frets about impending retirement and all the cosy time they will share.
So, in those early days, no one anticipates how the future will be, so it’s never addressed. Not until habits and behaviour become ingrained and normalised. Beware you young things out there. Before you pick up that sock or contemplate smashing your beloved on the back of the head with the Hoover, have THE conversation.

Elfinablender · 14/01/2019 12:09

Sexist = opening your eyes and saying what you see.

Progress = keep your eyes and mouth shut so we can maintain the myth of equality.

WisdomOfCrowds · 14/01/2019 12:12

Dying over the idea that so many women (myself included) are living with men who do these things, yet the truly sexist bit is us complaining over it. Yeh, our partners and husbands think it's a woman's job to do all the housework and childcare, and we're sexist for not just shutting up and getting on with it. Brilliant.

WisdomOfCrowds · 14/01/2019 12:13

It's the 11th rule of misogyny in action: Basic pattern recognition skills are cruel and evil when they hurt men's feelings.

recently · 14/01/2019 12:20

I will totally fail to get any Christmas presents or even give any input at the idea stage but will complain about all of them as they are being unwrapped.

PinaColada1 · 14/01/2019 12:21

Reading this thread has made me realize how misogynistic a society we are still in. Those everyday little inequalities, that grind us down as women, the invisible unfair distribution of housework and childcare.

And then reading comments that posters are sexist for relating their lives!

That has made me quite angry.

recently · 14/01/2019 12:22

I will park my car where dh tells me not to park it as I'll get a fine. It doesn't matter though because when I inevitably get a fine, I can blame dh for not moving it.

radioactiveimagination · 14/01/2019 12:25

Developing temporary paralysis of the legs when holding 7mo DS to the extent that everything has to be passed to me and other household tasks don't get done because I've been 'busy' with the baby. I'll hand him over when he needs a nappy change too Angry

Mountainsoutofmolehills · 14/01/2019 12:30

hoover twice in 47 years of marriage. Point out the remaining food on washed washing up, but also never washing up in 47 years of marriage. Interrupting anyone at anypoint.

JaneJeffer · 14/01/2019 12:44

Mountain I hope you made a big announcement that you had done the hoovering otherwise it doesn't count.

Celtic1hair · 14/01/2019 12:48

@radioactiveimagination give me back my husband! Actually maybe keep him! Smile

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 14/01/2019 13:01

I will babysit my children when he goes out for a few hours.

If this outing spans a mealtime, I will forget to feed them, and then say "but I didn't know I had to" with a hurt look on my face.

I will do this every time he goes out, unless he leaves Soecific Instructions.

MilesJuppIsMyBitch · 14/01/2019 13:01

*Specific

Tinkerbellisnotafairy · 14/01/2019 13:10

I will refuse to throw ANYTHING broken away, as I will most certainly fix it. And look annoyed at DW when she mentions that it hasn't actually been fixed in the last four years , and can we throw it away as it's taking up space. I'll then get hurt and huff around as she's suggesting that I might not actually be ABLE to fix it.

I'll also promise to wash / do laundry / clean bathroom, and completely fail to do so. Then when DW eventually does the job, I explode at her for making me look bad, I was just about to do it, she didn't give me a chance.

I'll refuse to EVER cook anything vaguely healthy for the kids, as I'm doing them a HUGE favour by feeding them. They can live off fish fingers and chicken nuggets, surely? They don't need vegetables at all. And honestly, home made food is just way too much effort. It's bad enough having to get things out the freezer and put them in the oven! I don't really have time anyway, because I'm far too busy checking the football results on my phone, or looking at YouTube, or doing anything else important.

I'll refuse to do any sort of DIY on the house, but completely ignore any efforts DW has made, such as painting, putting up shelves, organising gutter clearing, putting down flooring. If I DO happen to notice, I shall complain that it isn't done to a high enough standard.

Handmethegin · 14/01/2019 13:33

After a shower I will use the bathroom hand towel to rub my head and then stride out of the bathroom stark naked with rivers of water pouring down my body leaving wet patches everywhere. I will wander around naked and dripping until I air dry because it’s easier than using a towel.

I will shave in the kitchen sink and leave shaving foam and whiskers on the lunch plates in the sink. This isn’t a problem as spouse seems to enjoy washing up, she does it several times a day.

I will book a fortnight away on the other side of the world with my mate without enquiring it my spouse can take time off work as it’s the Christmas holidays.

I will assume my child is magically transported to and from school each day with uniform, book bag, water bottle, packed lunch and clean face/teeth. I can’t possibly do it because I’m tired in the morning and busy later on.

My spouse and I both work from home so I will be very busy and important while she interrupts her work to answer the door, do the school run, make my lunch and pass me things. I will ignore the fact my spouse has deadlines and the main wage in the house.

I will complain about my spouse taking so long to do the child’s bedtime despite never helping with it. If spouse becomes upset child is not sleeping I will suggest just ignoring him despite this resulting in carnage.

I will never find anything right in front of me.

I will buy new items online instead of unpacking my holiday suitcase.

newrubylane · 14/01/2019 13:36

I will use the same bath towel for weeks on end, until it a fresh one magically appears in its place.

RiddleyW · 14/01/2019 13:42

This is so fucking depressing. Because we all know that this is all true, and yet Mumsnetters are constantly berating those of us who give up on trying to do everything and become SAHMs. Year, how dare you "depend on a man financially" rather than simply "get your DH to do half of the childcare and housework. Yeah, shame on you.

But is that the answer? Just wave a white flag and women should all stop working? Personally I wouldn't fancy having a complete fucknut who can't look after his own basic needs in charge of getting the mortgage paid each month.

notquitethesame · 14/01/2019 13:47

@mummsymummy- great post

I would add to this:

Last time Beloved lived in a 'proper' home (ie not just student digs where no one bothered cleaning) it was with his parents. The house was always immaculate, washing always done, meals always cooked and he was taken care of. He never gave much thought to how this happened, but he never saw his father do any of it, or heard any discussion about who should do it. Now that it has been brought to his attention by Darling, he thinks that his mother must have done all of this. If she's done all of that for so many years without mentioning it he can only assume that she found it easy and enjoyed doing it. He knows better than to say it but can't help wondering why Darling does not feel the same. He wonders if this is just a phase (something hormonal probably) and decides that if he agrees with her and does tasks she specifically requests it will keep her happy until she gets back to 'normal'.