...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

[Gyaradose]

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

I am going to start going for a run whenever I please, without consideration of whatever else needs doing.

I will forget where you have to park for DS1s swimming lesson so never take him.

I will feel a bit dodgy after weekend suppers, and need a bath to get better, rather than do the kid’s bedtime.

Have the inability to see any mess or think to do any house work unless instructed.

I will refuse to call a plumber and instead whine about how expensive it will be. I will whine and moan for days and weeks until calling the plumber is unavoidable. Then, when he has finished his work and given me the bill, I will cheerily exclaim "That is really quite reasonable!"

I will insist on buying a fancy TV for the 'family' that is so high tech that no one who isn't as interested in technology as I am will have a hope of learning how to operate it.

I will stay up at night disconnecting and connecting various cables to make my games and probably some other boring internet crap work. I will not put the normal cables back in before I trot off to work the next day. I'm sure my breastfeeding & sleep deprived wife will enjoy trying and failing to reconnect it in my absence, as it will give her time to think happily about what a clever man she gets to be married to. I then get to feel even more cleverer than her that evening while I condescendingly chuckle and mansplain a bunch of boring degree level tech crap while I reconnect it that evening.

I will do the same thing tomorrow because of how clever I am.

I will declare on Saturday morning "this place is a shit tip." Before sitting on.the sofa and turning the tv on. Dw who works too has clearly not noticed and will appreciate having her shortcomings pointed out. On said dw being ill and off work I will say "Good now you can get on with the housework."

Oh my god.. ALL of the above.. I will continue to do all these things even if my wife points out the obvious EVERY single time!

I will leave the kitchen to ask my partner what food we have in the fridge, rather than just opening said fridge to check.

I will also be a very quiet, non-chatty person...until my partner is concentrating on something/watching something. Then I will need to urgently share all my thoughts and feelings on literally everything.

I will be incapable of doing bedtimes or any night wakes for DS, merrily playing on my computer through the former and snoring through the latter, because 'I don't have boobs' and my wife breastfeeds and clearly that's the sole component of comforting a child. I will maintain this incapacity even when DS is 3 and weaned himself 9 months ago. For extra points I will regularly complain about how tired I am and how I have no time either to myself or to mow the lawn (I don't do any other household tasks or wife work) just after I've had a lie in til 11 while 7 months pregnant DW wrangled toddler and did the weekly shop, and then proceed to lie on the sofa all afternoon.

How he's not under the patio yet I'll never know.

I am going to cook once every 3 months and when I do I'm going to overly aggressively drag the ingredients out of the fridge and stare at each one like they are aliens that have come to start a fight , i'm not going to clear the kitchen first, i'm going to just prepare and cook the dinner in the middle of the existing mess, thus creating chaos. I'm going to hunt for the largest possible pans to cook the smallest possible ingredients. I'm going to leave the other pans I displaced while hunting for the largest pans out of the cupboard, among the aforementioned mess. I'm going to use ALL the condiments, leaving their lids off and add those to the mess too. What I'm definitely going to do is use the largest plates we have, to serve the food on. The same plates that I know do not fit in the dishwasher. I'm going to slightly overcook one of the food items and go into my wife warning her dramatically that dinner will be a disaster, while huffing and puffing. Finally I'll serve the dinner announce it's going to be disgusting and then insist my wife agrees said item is slightly overcooked. After much encouragement she will do so and then I'm going to get into an almighty sulk because she slagged off my cooking.

Slightly worried after reading this that I’m a male dad in the body of a childless woman as I’m guilty of way too many of them

I have children and am guilty of a few of them , I can never remember the time of brownies/ DH organises all the school stuff, he reads dd2's story at night every day. DH is also guilty of a few most namely being shit at doing washing, not replacing bog rolls, leaving random items round the house but no one is perfect. I think this thread is pretty depressing reading tbh re the low expectations many women seem to have for men.

I will make sure that DW knows I am emptying the bin, which needed emptying about three days ago but I have skilfully pushed everything down a bit, by making a big show of it all and huffing and puffing. For after effect I might narrate the entire event to the cat.

What a horrible, sexist, disgraceful thread. I don't care if it's supposed to be a joke.

If only us men were as perfect as the saintly women in our lives.

What a horrible, sexist, disgraceful thread. I don't care if it's supposed to be a joke.
Surely you mean NAMALT

Is it sexist or is it a bunch of people complaining about their partners? It just so happens that most of the posters are women and most of their partners are men.

I’m very willing to bet that our husbands and women in same sex relationship could write equal posts about stuff that their female partners do that drive them to distractions.

Why not join in, Nothing, what annoying little thing does your partner do?

@nothinglikeadame 🤭 oh no. I am horrified if this has offended you. 😭

I'm going to wait until my wife walks into the kitchen despite knowing she has hearing loss and shout her to bring something in (which she doesn't mind doing if shes told properly and I make sure I hear her) and get the face on when she doesn't bring it in.

I’m going to keep harping on about the duck in plum sauce I made in 1999! It was possibly THE BEST food this household has ever tasted. It exhausted me cooking it so much I’ve not bothered to repeat. Omelette or beans on toast (when I can be arsed) Shreddies if no one is here! Life’s too short!

If I’m home first from work I will do the morning dishes, vacuum and then the rest of the evening is MINE! Child, what child. Homework, what’s that, school stuff to sort, eh? I’ve done my duties (which took less than 5 mins) I’m exhausted!

If a peel a banana I will imagine the discarded skin is as heavy as an elephant and it will remain on the kitchen worktop. I’m just not strong enough for that shit!

'What a horrible, sexist, disgraceful thread. I don't care if it's supposed to be a joke.

If only us men were as perfect as the saintly women in our lives.'

Which women said they were perfect go and start a thread on Dadsnet about being more wife then you absolute plonker.

Tbf if my husband wrote on a thread like this he could probably fill it on his own with all the annoying shit I do.

I am going to throw water all over the kitchen when I wash up and then soak up with T towels, which I will then screw into a ball and leave on the side to fester.

@Equimum exh once took the dds to gymnastics and stars that the parking was so stressful he would never take them again. They attended it from when dd1 was 18 months to when she was 7.

@nothinglikeadame well I've raised 2 children alone for 7 years doing all the tasks my exh claimed he was/or actually was utterly incapable of doing so yes....

I will take my socks off every evening and leave them in balls in the middle of the floor. Despite my wife pointing out countless times that she has to pick them up and un-scrunch them before washing them.

When I put things away in the kitchen, I will abandon all logic. I will put tint items in the pan drawers first, then balance increasingly large items on top, finally shoving a huge pan on the collapsing pile and jamming the drawer shut.

It will also be my favourite hobby to open new packets of things e.g. toothpaste, leaving the old 95% empty toothpaste next to it, right above the bin.

I fucking kid you not this is how my partner loaded the dishwasher when prompted to do it for the first time ever.

I will be a true 50:50 partner in all ways except: I will carelessly leave my own belongings in random places around the house and then accuse DP of moving them or throwing them away. And I will also insist that 6am on a Saturday is the only time on a weekend that I can bugger off on a two hour cycle ride, conveniently forcing DP to have to get up at fuck o clock with the children and give them breakfast and sort them out. I will then saunter back in once everyone has had breakfast and is dressed, spend ten minutes making myself a special coffee and leave my sweaty cycling gear on the floor in front of the empty washing machine.