...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

[Gyaradose]

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

I will wait until the entire family is ready to leave the house for an appointment (having spent 40 minutes complaining loudly that we must be ready on time and on no account be late), and then as we are about to get into the car I will decide that I need the lavatory and will go for a 40 minute bowel movement.

Slightly worried after reading this that I’m a male dad in the body of a childless woman as I’m guilty of way too many of them 😳

Ultramic you didn't really all stay home because your husband couldn't go??
Fuck that!

But Elvis if you are the slattern in your house and your DH twitches if you leave a dirty coffee cup on the side for re-use, how exactly was it a miracle that he tidied and wiped up the crumbs etc you left from lunch?

@SchadenfreudePersonified your last post could be my entire grounds for divorce. I'm probably a bit hard on my year old dd about this as I assume she uses going to the loo S a method of obstruction, excuse to leave the table etc

I'm also going to put whole, large, awkwardly sized boxes into the recycling rather than flatten them down. Then I'm going to balance some more items on the top so nothing else fits in.

I am going to leave my pants in the middle of the bathroom floor and then deny it despite the fact they are visible. Must be the work of the naughty pant gremlins.

I'm going to snoozy sleep my way through December, while other half saves all year, thinks up original and thoughtful gifts for everyone, buys, wraps and distributes these.

When top up shopping I will confidently assert that we don’t need a trolley, then complain loudly that I have lost all sensation in my fingers due to the weight of the gallons of milk I have added to the basket.

I'm going to casually announce that I'm off on a 2 day work trip to Paris, leaving 5 am tomorrow.

I will ask OH if we need anything in the sales. When I'm told something is needed (think something that comes in a set) I say fine, no problem, then I come home with just one item. When OH asks where the rest is I'll say no problem, I'll go back tomorrow. This happens a third time and we are still short of a useable set and the sales have been going on for a while so there is a concern that we won't be able to complete the set and the other 3 items will be rendered useless. So OH needs to drag the toddler and older child into the scrum of the sales to find the one outstanding item. I have managed to get 3 child free trips into town for obtaining this item and "helping" OH hurrah!

How on earth do people spend so long on the loo? If I was there for 5 mins and couldn't go I'd just give up and try again later. I've always been baffled by the idea of sitting for an hour waiting to do a poo! Is "using the loo" actually code for "playing on my phone" by any chance? Would the bowel movement miraculously resolve itself if you switched off the wifi?

@Myimaginarycathasfleas I forgot the trolley bullshit.

Also I will (whilst standing in an actual Tesco and not remotely in a hurry) announce we don't need anything else because 'I can go in town and get it whenever' (translation I'm bored of shopping and I need to store up excuses to shirk the baby) and also meal planning is boorrrring

The inability to care for DTs without phone call 5 minutes after I've left to ask where the weetabix is.

Or what time to feed them.

Or what time they nap.

Every single time I leave the house for more than 10 minutes.

Omg this thread is depressing. How on earth are you all married to such lazy inconsiderate bastard man-children?

@waterandlemonjuice probably because we all recognise we might be less than perfect ourselves. 😆🤫

I will lose my razor and accuse DP of binning it. I will discover it in the bathroom cabinet that solely I use and still claim DP put it there despite the fact she never goes in said cabinet.

I promise also to act like it’s the end of the world if my DP asks me to give DS his breakfast, even though she prepared it last night. After ten minutes DS and I shall reappear and I’ll tell DP that he didn’t want it. DP will be unconvinced, as DS loves that breakfast and eats all of it usually. DP will have to compensate by making extra snacks to compensate.

I’m going to ask “have we [insert blank]” about something I know I haven’t done but needs doing. “Have we bought Mum a Christmas present?” “Have we emptied the bins?”

Omg this thread is depressing. How on earth are you all married to such lazy inconsiderate bastard man-children?

This is where all those who think it does no harm dressing their girls in pretty pink dresses and boys in rough and tumble clothes get their dues.

Stereotyping is harmful. All the little boys watching tv and seeing the mum washing up while dad watches tv. Countless ads of dads helplessly confused with washing powder and mum having to sort it out.

It’s learned helplessness. They consciously and subconsiously learn that they are male, and filter out all the stuff they don’t need to know. They learn if they stand around looking confused a woman will do it for them.

Dh has had half a lifetime of his mum reinforcing gender roles. Of her handing the girls dusters because “they love to help me” while the boys sit and play video games. He tries to do his half, but he still constantly looks to me for instruction. It’s ingrained that he “doesn’t know” how to do wifework, so needs me to show him.

It isn’t a “man thing”, it’s a society thing.

As always, see @themanwhohasitall

I’m going to start wandering off without clearing up after the dinner I didn’t cook, plan or shop for, to work on my hobby (woodwork). When challenged about this behaviour, I will get indignant and protest ‘but I’m making things for you!!’

I'm sure all the posters on here don't have complete man child husbands. Mine is great at cleaning, looking after dds etc, but is typically male in his inability to find things he has put down etc. I'm hopefully teaching my dds that women can do anything, but equally have some typically female quirks that I'm sure dh could laugh about on a similar dadsnet thread. I'm taking these posts in the lighthearted manner they were initially intended as!

I will use my 3 times a year used wash bag that hangs for no reason beside the toilet 365 days a year as a replacement for the bin which sits directly below said bag

I will stay up til 2am playing a video game on a work night, then sleep through my DP's alarm, my own alarm and my screaming DC. I will expect DP to wake me up in time for me to go shower and shave then leave.

For bonus points I will spend 20 minutes making the bathroom stink like an entire herd of incontinent cows were very very ill in there. I won't open any windows. I won't have factored the 20 minutes in to my morning routine so now I'm even more late and even more grumpy and horrible. My DP will be on the verge of tears worrying I'll be pulled in to the boss to explain my lateness again, but I don't care, I'm far too important to work because I have INTERESTS that should have been my LIFE except I couldn't be bothered to follow through. That's not my fault either, I have POTENTIAL but no one seems to care!

For maximum bonus points I'll do this on a day when DP is at work, preferably with an important meeting, and make her late for work by not taking DC so she can't get ready herself. Because I am more important than her and my job is more important than hers even though we earn the same.

I will talk at you when I enter the front room imparting long winded technical information University Lectrurer style regardless of what you are already doing but not allow you time to understand, ask questions or opportunity to reply as I exit stage left uttering Gotta go. Later that same week I will expect you to recollect said data at any given point.

@waterandlemonjuice I'm not married to either of them im happily divorced