...to pretend the bathroom door is soundproof in an effort to “be more dad”?

[Gyaradose]

DH has been pretending this for several years now so I’m thinking of adopting this strategy.

Will also work on developing clutter blindness and an inability to open the fridge and transfer what has been seen into a viable meal for children.

Any others?

I will place the empty loo roll on TOP of the bathroom bin. God it's infuriating!

Not putting stuff on the family calendar then moaning when something is arranged that clashes

I will send my youngest child to nursery wearing his older brother's shoes.

My wife will discover this when she goes to put school shoes on the eldest child and can only find a tiny pair several sizes too small.

Ha ha canshopwillshop this used to happen in my house too. I couldn't bear it and insist on making the gravy myself now.

I will sit gawping aimlessly at my phone and various Youtube videos made by "supercar spotters" while my spouse runs around like a headless chicken in the morning asking the DC to start getting dressed, while fielding questions vis a vis the location of water bottles and reading folders.

I will then leave my rubbish next to the bin, and chuck everything and anything in the recycling bin regardless of whether it has been washed out, or can even be recycled.

“Being emotionally stable and not subject to swings in mood / hormone levels.”

More people should try this.

If I see my dp cleaning the loo, I shall gaily remark "oh, spring cleaning, are you" as if cleaning the loo is an annual event, rather than a daily one.

Another one who found this thread funny then depressing.

This should be saved in classics

I will put a four pint milk carton back in the fridge with half a teaspoon of milk in. I will also pop back a pickle/jam/mustard jar with 0.000000001 of a gram of aforementioned food back in the fridge/cupboard.

Ah yes, recycling. I will put the recycling bins out for bin day (on request ) but completely ignore the recycling pile waiting by the back door that is yet to go in them. Bins will be put out half-empty of recycling because instruction was to put bins out, not to fill them with the recycling before doing so.

I shall leave all my laundry, glasses I've been drinking from and any wrappers from snacks or yoghurt pots beside my bed. In the same way I've done so since I was a teenager. The bedroom fairy will pick them up and dispose of accordingly.

I will never put anything in the bin. I will nearly stack rubbish on the kitchen bench beside the bin from where it will be lifted by the kitchen fairy and put in the appropriate bin.

I shall continue with the arrangement that my DW will do every single school run and daycare pick up even though she also works full time in a demanding, male dominated corporate environment. I will then scratch my head in disbelief and how fucking mucky and messy her car is by the end of the week.

@izzy24 - yes, this happens here too and it infuriates me

For those finding the thread depressing, bear in mind that most of us have a partner that only does a few of these things, and not all the time.
For example, mine does laundry, has no expectations of what is wifework and doesn’t watch tv.
One could compile a similar thread about stuff women do that annoys their partner, and gay friends of mine have similar complaints...

I do hope it ends up in classics .

Yes agree WofflingOn - a lot will have DHs/DPs who are very competent in other areas and so it balances out and for them, this is a bit of lighthearted sharing.

A few will have DHs/DPs who take the piss in every area of their shared life. There's a big difference.

Around 18th December I will order 5 presents (2 for me) then sit back and say 'That's my Christmas shopping done - I don't know what all the fuss is about.'

I will ring my partner who's working and ask what I should give DS for tea. Every fucking time.

I wonder how many of us are talking about our ex's...

Even though we leave the house at the same time every single bloody weekday and every Saturday morning I will wait for my wife to put her shoes on and then I will go to the toilet. Which will take me five minutes, even though I am just having a wee. My wife will find this endearing - it will not drive her up the wall.

I will learn the time and rota for the various food/recyclying/garden bin collections by heart. I will even do this for every overseas holiday home we stay in, even if it we are staying there for just one week. I will check the bin rotas as soon as I enter the French holiday home, leaving my wife to bring in all of the luggage and start to unpack it. I will not find out anything else about the holiday, like the nearest shops, or what to do if there is a powercut, or how to work the washing machine, - but I will have an encyclopedic knowledge of the bin collection rota for the department.

To be fair I will do more than my fair share, but these two things just grind my gears.

I'd be oblivious to all coughs, sneezes, rashes, spots, raised temperatures and all other symptoms of illness other than my own. In particular I'd have complete deafness to the sound of retching. (It's been a long night)

I did turn the tide on DH when he’d do the washing/clean the bathroom/random household job and announce “I’ve done for you!” then stand awaiting his basking in glory moment.
I’d reply “oh so you’ve washed your own clothes, how lovely, so tell me exactly how that particular job is for me? I’m what way do I benefit from you having clean clothes? Why would you assume that it is my job to ensure your clothes are clean?” And so on.

He has finally got the message, and has never since declared he’s done whatever job “for me”. He just was on with doing what needs done. He wasn’t helped by his mother repeatedly exclaiming that I’m so lucky to have a DH that does housework “for me”. She is firmly stuck in the 1950’s and will be a tougher nut to crack, but I’m working on it!

I will willfully forget the names of all friends and acquaintances and others who are not related to my job.

Doesn't sound much but it's really very annoying! And kind of rude..

When I finish a bottle of milk, squash etc, instead of taking 30secs to rinse it and put it in the recycling bin, I will leave it on the work surface.

When my DH texts me to ask if there is anything in particular I fancy for dinner tonight, I will fail to mention that I'm actually out at a long boozy work lunch and consequently will not really want any of the lovely food that has been prepped and cooked.

tiddlyipom it appears my husband has been moonlighting as your husband, and living in your house, doing your head in. I suggest we keep to the current rota system lest one of us murder him.

I will leave all present shopping for my family until the absolute last minute, telling my DW that her ideas aren't good enough and refusing her offers to purchase said presents for me in a timely, convenient, cost effective and non-dramatic way.

I will eat the back-up fancy chocolates my DW bought just in case.

On the morning the present is due I will run around like a headless chook. I will ask DW what present 'we' have for my family. I will then either-

• ask to take something nice that belongs to DW and wrap it up as gift to someone else

OR

• leave DW alone preparing for gift giving event while solely caring for our mutual DC, so I can go last minute shopping, where I will (in a fit of desperation because this is an emergency now) spend 3-4 times our usual present giving budget on a poorly thought out gift for my family.

I will then return home with gift and ask DW for a card and wrapping paper which I assume she has prepared for me but then mysteriously hidden from me, even though I was just at the shops and could have bought a fucking card myself.

My family will of course thank me alone for this gift, because I am wonderful and thoughtful and DW does nothing. I will accept their thanks for all the presents and hospitality, even though I was as useful as a tit on a bull.

I will announce to my wife (who is standing folding my underpants) "Sorry there is a bit less milk in your tea than you like" as I sip my FUCKING LATTE.