To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

[ButterbeerPancakes]

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

I think it's useful to get the word 'loan' and the amounts and dates in writing, so she can't deny anything if you do go to court. And I think you should if it comes to it. It's about your self - respect.

Tell her she needs to tell you how much she is able to pay back each month, and you will then consider that, otherwise you will seek legal advice on the next steps.

If she's having 2 Starbucks lattes a day, five days a week she's spending around £120 a month! I'll bet she's never thought about that!

She needs to give up Starbucks for 9 months. That'll clear the debt.

No wonder she's so skint. Bloody expensive habit.

Hi OP, could you go along the lines of,
"Thanks for getting back to me and I am glad that you feel we are so close, I do too, which is why I was really hurt when you suggested you don't pay this loan back. You must know it is frustrating for me to see that you go to Starbucks twice a day and manage to have plenty nights out, and don't for one minute think that I am suggesting you don't have a social life, but of course you will realise that I feel I am finding all of this when the money I loaned you was to get you on your feet. Your Starbucks purchases alone are enough to pay me back the £100 per month we previously agreed. As 'family' I trust you to know what the right thing to do is'

**feel I am funding all of this

I wouldn't give up on it. Don't mention starbucks that sounds petty. Don't mention small claims until she has acknowledged its a loan in messages or signed something, I am not sure how easy it would be to pursue. Ask her could she get an official loan to pay you back as you need the money towards I don't know ... a deposit (make something up that isnt immediate like a new house, extension, or car) If she says no to that suggest £150 a month to show that you need the money, if she says no at that point ask her to suggest a reasonable amount for a standing order. If she then misses a month ask her to sign an agreement. then if she misses again let her know about small claims.

I would say 'of course you are a good friend that's why I loaned you the money when I couldn't totally afford to, but I do need the money back, and trusted you would follow the plan for paying it back £100 a month for 11 months. It is because we are so close that I know you will pay me back. Can you take out a loan and repay me the £950 I loaned you as I am really at the stage where I need the money,?'

As PPs have said, you definitely arent getting the money back. I would step back from the friendship if you can afford it.

Tell her that would be lovely and ask her to do your full Tesco shop every week until it's paid off

Take her to court.

Actually that's not a bad idea about tesco shop! Ask innocently if she can drive you to tesco, actually waitrose and what day of the week will suit for your weekly outing!

She's completely taking the piss OP and hoping you just can't be arsed and will leave it. Cheeky fucker!

Wow. She's got an amazing cheek to try to make you feel bad about her non-payment!

I'd suggest a pleasant but firm reply along the lines of: 'I appreciate your situation but I have to say I have been very patient - in the last 5 months you've only repaid £150 not the £500 you promised. £950 is a lot of money and I can't afford not to get it back. If you do value our friendship, you need to honour this debt and commit to paying me back.'

If you want, you could suggest a slightly lower amount like £75 to show willing. (And increase your chance of getting something!)

These CFs all work from the same script: borrow the money and then when they are asked for it back, the blame is put on the lender, escalating until the person who lent the money is accused of hassling them and being abusive and not caring etc etc.

I agree that a short, to the point email/text is required, stating that OP needs her money returned asap, and can the CF transfer the agreed instalment asap into OP's bank account. Of course this is unlikely to happen, so the next step is either another short text saying you are now forced to seek legal advice on this, or write off the debt and the friendship - and tell her so.

I think I'd reply with something along the lines of:

Dear X, I'm hurt that someone who I think of as a sister can treat me so badly. I was only able to lend you that money on the basis that you would pay me back within the year. If our positions were swapped I'd be doing my best to pay you back asap so that you were without the money for as little time as possible. I am hurt that you don't feel me, and our friendship, important enough to show me the same consideration.

Wow. Well the friendship is dead in the water now isn’t it?

I value our friendship and hope you won't let this tear us apart

Not THAT much though, or she'd be moving heaven and earth to repay you. I especially like the 'hope you won't let this..' bit. Like asking her to repay you is unreasonable!

I would reply with something like ' I value our friendship too, but I am only asking you to honour our agreement regarding repayment of a loan made to you at a time of your distress. Something I trusted you to do as my friend'

Judge Rinder?

Yes please... Please pay me back the 950£ I lent you in good faith, in coffees and food....

Just place your daily coffees (7£?)cost in a jar and then donate to me weekly.. (over 200£ monthly) . This means your debt will be paid off within 5 months ... . No need for me to come with you... (tinkly laugh..)

you won't get your money back OP. If she is that prickly over a fairly benign text message, you can imagine her stance if you up the game. Send her a sweet enough message detailing what you loaned her and what you agreed, and hopefully she will respond with a "yes, I know but..." and then you have evidence. Then send her a really tough message, pay up or else... It's a hard lesson to learn, but you need to ditch this bitch.

Don't mention starbucks that sounds petty.

I agree with this. You can't be seen to be judging or making assumptions about her financial position and her spending. Keep it simple: you lent her the money months ago and the plan was that she would repay you £100 every month for 11 months. You need her to stick to this plan.

Never lend what you can't afford to lose.

So she expects to be trusted as 'family' in order to borrow, but doesn't feel the need to be trustworthy in return.

She's a CF

"I value our friendship as well which is why I loaned you the money to help you out. I certainly wouldn't have handed over £1500 to someone I didn't know/care for/love like family (etc, whatever, just stress that point) At the time, you agreed to pay it back in xyz installments, and I took you at your word because I trust you. I appreciate that you are having trouble budgeting, but I also can't help but feel a bit used. (can change wording there) Perhaps a smaller monthly payment such as £50 would make repaying the loan easier? I could afford to give you a loan; but I can't afford for it to be a gift. I, too, hope we can come to an amicable agreement, as I'm hoping we can move past this." and maybe add some yadda yadda about valuing the friendship.

I hope you can come to an agreement. Good luck OP!