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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
Italiangreyhound · 11/01/2019 09:30

Sadly, this may 'tear you apart', but it is totally not your fault. She is taking the mickey big time. It doesn't sound like she really values your friendship. Why did she borrow the money if she has no way of paying it back?

HaveAnotherCuppa · 11/01/2019 09:35

I have been burned twice doing this for friends.
One was a similar amount, never saw a penny, no proof I lent it. (because I paid directly for things instead of transferring money). Expensive lesson learnt at age 22. CF no 1 made a mint claiming to be broke and people paying for his food and drinks for years. Moved onto new groups of people when rumbled.

Second time actually annoyed me more although it was only about £40!
Lent another friend money for food shopping as she claimed to be destitute and couldn't feed her kids. Actually I wouldn't have asked for this money back. But then she posted on Facebook about the brand new boots she'd brought. (coincidently £35.99 from a high street shop!) I challenged her next time I saw her about the boots / £40 and she said she couldn't resist as they were on sale and thus it saved her money in the long run. She also didn't give it back, but I'm not friends with her now and £40 is cheap to find out a friend is a liar and a cf, I suppose!

Now, after al that, I stick by the adage "neither a lender nor a borrower be" (apart from sums under £5)

BlooperReel · 11/01/2019 09:35

She is treating you like a mug and needs to be told that, as in a direct 'Don't treat me like a mug,m you owe me £950'.

HaveAnotherCuppa · 11/01/2019 09:36

Tell her she either sets up a payment plan NOW, or you take it to small claims though.

AlaskanOilBaron · 11/01/2019 09:39

Oh my. Do you still value this friendship?

She sounds like a drama queen. Could she be a poor relation on the next instalment of the Real Housewives?

iBAKEalot · 11/01/2019 09:40

She is one CF, if you are prepared to lose the money then I would just cut her off now. I borrowed someone money once and they strung me along for months saying that money was coming in and they were about to pay it in to my account...3 years on, I'm still out of pocket. She isn't your friend, she is a blatant pisstaker.

Lovemusic33 · 11/01/2019 09:42

Sadly she would get nowhere in small claims unless there was a contract/agreement in writing when she lent her the money, I very much doubt there was? There’s probably no evidence at all that OP gave her this money or that it was a loan rather than a gift.

nauticant · 11/01/2019 09:43

I still think that exchanging a few text messages mentioning the loan, the outstanding amount, and proposals for repayment "do you think you would be able to repay me £50 a month? if we did this, the remaining £950 would be paid off by mid next year" to establish more evidence that the loan was made would be helpful before talking about the small claims court and triggering a denial that there's anything owing.

AlaskanOilBaron · 11/01/2019 09:47

The small claims court suggestion is an interesting one, but only if you have no interest in salvaging the friendship.

I like nauticant's idea of drawing her into a text exchange that would later serve as proof of the original agreement.

She may not respond to the claim, or she may agree to it, in which case you'd be successful in winning a judgement against her.

AvocadoYUK · 11/01/2019 09:50

What a cheeky bitch. So apparently you wanting money back is just so awful right? Errr... so it's apparently would seriously large amount of money which will need a serious way of repayment.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 11/01/2019 09:55

There’s probably no evidence at all that OP gave her this money or that it was a loan rather than a gift.

There's actually plenty of evidence it was a loan if she's saving all these correspondences and had proof there was repayment.

lmusic87 · 11/01/2019 10:00

I don't think this debt will ever be repaid, so you either have to accept it or move on from the friendship.

RabbityMcRabbit · 11/01/2019 10:01

Gosh OP that'd be me done with her! Lots of good suggestions here for 2nd texts. I hope you get your money back x

zzzzz · 11/01/2019 10:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

justilou1 · 11/01/2019 10:03

I would suggest you start with "Perhaps instead of going to Starbucks twice a day, you give me the money instead...."

BarbaraofSevillle · 11/01/2019 10:05

I suppose if anyone does want to make it clear that money is a loan not a gift, a good start would be to do it by bank transfer with something like 'loan for X' as a reference when doing the transfer.

Although as others have said, dialogue between the OP and her friend clearly imply that the money was a loan rather than a gift. The small claims court only has to decide the intention on the balance of probabilities, not beyond reasonable doubt and and the replies are of the 'give me time to repay' theme, so there is probably enough evidence, as surely if it had been a gift, she would have replied as such 'WTF, I thought the money was a gift, you never said anything about repaying it'.

BarbaraofSevillle · 11/01/2019 10:06

You could always offer to sell her home made coffees at £2.50 a time OP?

PlumpSyrianHamster · 11/01/2019 10:09

79, £20K? OUCH! But then, yeah, what a mug.

DarlingNikita · 11/01/2019 10:11

'extreme measures'

Cheeky bitch.

She's no friend.

'It's been five months and I need the money back.'

Lana1234 · 11/01/2019 10:14

Offer of food here and there for £950 😱 cheeky fucker of the highest order. Absolutely just be blunt now “I’ve given you plenty of time now I need my money back” I really hope you get it back OP

BitOutOfPractice · 11/01/2019 10:17

OP I think you're going to lose this friendship sadly - but I'm guessing you're seeing her in a new light anyway, the CF

ChasedByBees · 11/01/2019 10:20

Someone suggested a face to face chat. I think you need to try and get this in writing and get her to acknowledge the debt. I absolutely would go to small claims court for a debt of this value and you need proof.

DancingWithMyself · 11/01/2019 10:21

Threatening SCC just might be enough to get her to take it seriously and start a pay back. You probably won't even have to actually do it.

SeaGreenSeaGlass · 11/01/2019 10:26

Keep it factual, and have it in writing :

In (June/July?) last year when you asked to borrow £11 00 from me you agreed to repay £100 each month. You have only repaid £150 so far, and the remaining £950 is due to be repaid by (May /June?) this year. This loan is separate to our friendship, and it needs to be repaid. I only agreed to the loan because we are friends.

BreakfastAtSquiffanys · 11/01/2019 10:27

If she definitely has a Starbucks habit, calculate the possible repayment in terms of "coffees"
Do you have any firm evidence of the twice a day habit, like does she Snapchat her lattes?

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