Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To not want to be repaid in food and drinks?

362 replies

ButterbeerPancakes · 10/01/2019 16:18

About 5 months ago, a friend of mine borrowed £1,100 from me due to some financial issues she was experiencing. The initial plan was that she would repay me £100 every month for 11 months. Thus far, I've received a grand total of £150.

I know it's not my place to judge her lifestyle, but I've seen her spending frivolously (imo at least), so it's not as if she can't cough up the money she'd previously promised to pay me.

Asked her about it earlier today, and apparently she has "nothing left" after paying off her bills and that maybe instead of cash she could "buy me food and drinks here and there" since we've been "friends for such a long time anyway".

AIBU to think that this is bloody ridiculous? I don't really need the money but at the same time I can't help feeling like she's taking the piss out of me, years of friendship be damned.

OP posts:
wowfudge · 11/01/2019 07:53

That's a great reply MajorDomo.

PersonaNonGarter · 11/01/2019 07:56

I agree that it is worth lowering the amount to make sure it gets paid.

(£71 a month is a good amount, because apparently it looks less ‘fat’!)

gamerchick · 11/01/2019 07:56

Time for your second text.

She has no intention of paying you back OP, your friendship is over now unless you back down, write off the money and squelch down any bitterness you feel when you see her spending.

ZenNudist · 11/01/2019 07:58

You aren't getting this back. Friendship over

icelollycraving · 11/01/2019 07:59

Hi CF, thanks for your reply. I have been patient for months, the agreement was a straightforward transfer every month. Offering to buy me food & drinks to clear the debt is a bit baffling tbh. I can’t pay my bills this way. I’m sure you appreciate that I was the one to help you but I’m irritated that I’m having to chase you for this, that’s not fair is it? If you are struggling, we can meet and I’ll help you go through your finances, you’ve been at the new job for a while now. I am not going to stop needing my money back, I feel very hurt that you are turning your reneging on the deal on me. I get that January is a tough month but I’ll need the payments to be every month from Feb 1st as that’s when all my bills come out,

ManchesterMum63 · 11/01/2019 08:05

What Returnofthesmileybar said with bells AND whistles on.. CFHmm

nauticant · 11/01/2019 08:11

Send a text saying whatever you want to say but also include the facts that you lent her £1000, you've only had £150 back, and you need to work out a way for her to pay you back the remaining £850.

This will get flannel back but if you can get her to respond and have a bit of an exchange without her denying that the loan exists and the remaining amount, that will serve as evidence you can use in the small claims court if you decided you wanted to do that.

As others have said, you don't need a written agreement to make a claim, and you certainly don't need anything signed. Getting an acknowledgement from her that the loan exists, even if it's implicit, could be useful.

Sarcelle · 11/01/2019 08:24

I would not write this off if she fails to pay. I would try a legal route. I hate spongers like this. Some people have no shame.

PlumpSyrianHamster · 11/01/2019 08:29

I'd go with Mummy's response and add what solly said. Do not let her twist this and manipulate you. You now realise she never had or has any intention of repaying you, don't you? I wouldn't value this friendship at all because she betrayed your trust and still expects you to forget about this. She is exactly like every one of these CFers and again, why you should never loan a sum of money like this. She feels hard done by in life and sees you as someone who should sub her because of it. This is how these people think.

I'd consider this farce of a friendship over because she lied to you to get the money but send her the one last message, keep her reply, all replies, all correspondence.

If she doesn't set up and start paying up, I'd take her to small claims court. I wouldn't suck it up just on principle. Wouldn't even tell her when I did, either, she can find out from the papers. I'd give her one last chance to be honest and then just let her find out once you've filed and respond to any message about it with: 'Sorry, but you've shown you never intend to pay me back despite agreeing to do so at £100/month. It's a betrayal of my trust. I feel very used. And I need that money back, that's why it was a loan and not a gift.'

Pillowaddict · 11/01/2019 08:44

Agree time for a second text, not a face to face chat that she can later deny -or mis remember. I've never had this with such large amounts of cash, but have definitely experienced the lack of meals paid back/£10 or £20 here from friends (or family!) Who seem to think because I'm slightly more solvent at certain times of the month it won't matter if I don't get paid back. It makes me less inclined to be generous tbh! Sorry she has done this, in such a manipulative way too.

CoraPirbright · 11/01/2019 08:53

“I am incredibly hurt and bewildered that such a good friend would be treating me like this. £1,100 is a lot of money for me but I loaned it to you in good faith because you said you needed it. Because of this loan I am now really strapped for cash. I have bills to pay and unfortunately I cannot pay the gas man with a bit of food and drink. You agreed to pay me back £100 per month but it has now been 5 months and I have only received £150. Please can you now set up a standing order.”

Lordamighty · 11/01/2019 09:00

She has absolutely no intention of paying you back, I hope you realise that. Very soon she will decide your, very reasonable, texts are harassment & she will block you.
The good news is that by paying back £150 she has effectively acknowledged that it was a loan & you could pursue it via small claims.

OutPinked · 11/01/2019 09:03

I think when you lend money to someone you essentially have to consider that money lost in case they never pay it back. Lending money to friends is a big problem because she has no real ties to you and could very easily just block you, bye bye money.

Doesn’t sound like she’s serious about ever paying you back OP so I wouldn’t bank on it happening (scuse the pun).

DragonMamma · 11/01/2019 09:17

If nothing else OP, I would be really upset that a so-called friend had exploited my kindness in such a way.

Money and friendships are messy. I used to lend a friend/housemate money or book things on my card for her (she only had a Visa Electron back in the day) and then rather than give me the money back she would say ‘oh, I’ll put it towards the council tax/water/gas for this month’ which perhaps wasn’t due for a couple of weeks but I hated that my cash flow was being dictated to by somebody else as that bill would usually come out of my next payday so I’d be short that month.

BlueJag · 11/01/2019 09:18

Oh dear her reply isn't encouraging. It was very serious when she asked for the money.
Now she doesn't like the seriousness of a standing order?
I'll suggest you say:
I understand it's hard to pay back £100 per month but I'm sure you can afford £25 a week. Please start a standing order.
Sounds daft but £25 a week may be more manageable it's really the cost of about 6 coffees or so.
She is really hard faced Confused

79andnotout · 11/01/2019 09:21

My brother has had this with one of his friends for a much larger sum of money. His friend has been hiding his debt from his wife, who very much enjoys a lavish lifestyle. My brother is never going to see that £20k again, and more fool him for being such a mug in the first place. Lesson learnt here, OP. I don't think you'll be getting that money back either. I'm more than happy to pay for a friend for dinner or something if they forgot their wallet but that's my limit.

Livingthedream44 · 11/01/2019 09:21

Wow! She's going to be treating you to to some feast for that amount!

Seriously she is taking you for a ride.
You need to insist she pays you back and set up a proper payment plan each month.

BobLemon · 11/01/2019 09:22

I like the reply from UnderMajorDomoMinor but I’d reverse some language to make it less likely to escalate/less accusatory.

“I have always thought of you as family too, but I don’t think family would treat me like this. I have waited 5 months. I feel sad because I feel like I’ve been exploited.”

Lovemusic33 · 11/01/2019 09:22

Lending friends money rarely works out. Often it ends with not getting the money back and losing the friend.

Chances are you won’t see your money again. She’s being a CF and I would be tempted to cut your loses and ditch her as a friend. I could never take money from a friend and not pay it back.

Yinv · 11/01/2019 09:23

The friendship is gone. She’s basically a self important, manipulative thief.

Hubblebubbletripletrouble · 11/01/2019 09:24

Jeez you think you know people... Angry

Ethel36 · 11/01/2019 09:27

If a saying she doesn't have the money then ask her what she can afford. £50 a month is better than nothing.

cuppycakey · 11/01/2019 09:28

I learned the hard way that you should never lend what you cannot afford to lose Sad

BarbaraofSevillle · 11/01/2019 09:28

Agree that the friendship is probably gone anyway. How can you be friends with someone who borrowed money, pleads poverty and won't pay it back while treating herself to expensive Starbucks.

Yes they might be only a couple of quid or so each time, but if she really is going twice a day, or anywhere near that, she could indeed be spending your £100 a month right there.

Kittykat93 · 11/01/2019 09:29

Op you've tried the nicey nicey approach, now it's time to get tough.

I'd be telling her in no uncertain terms that if I didn't start getting my money back, I'd have to escalate it to small claims court. She's the one putting your friendship at risk, NOT you.

Cheeky cow!!