To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

[moanymoaner]

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

[greendale17]

I feel sorry for him too. He isn’t suing the ex wife because he needs the money. He is a millionaire. He is suing her on principle and quite rightly my

She should be prosecuted for obtaining the money by fraud.

Also I don’t believe for a second the real father doesn’t know.

[MulticolourMophead]

Can someone explain the timelines for me?

When did the father find out he was infertile? Because if he didn't know, then how would the mother know? So she had an affair and the DCs aren't his, but would the mother have actually known that when the DCs were conceived?

She's deceived him about the affair, yes, but about the paternity? Not so sure she deliberately deceived him there, unless she somehow knew he was infertile when he didn't know.

[Augusta2012]

dione, given that it’s been medically confirmed they’re not his children, why is that relevant?

[Gromance02]

If I were him I'd want every penny of the 4 million back. Over 20 years of fraud. The mother should be in prison.

[Sonneedshelp]

@MulticolourMophead are you for real?!? She had unprotected sex with two men for four years and just assumed that the husband was the father? How could any sane woman assume that?

No she didn't know for sure, but she knew for sure she was sleeping with two men at the time!

How can you possibly try and minimise what she did?

[floribunda18]

She has behaved appallingly in lying but he has been able to act as a father to the boys and they have had a life together which was not fake. The divorce settlement isn't based on who is and who isn't a biological parent. What if they had adopted, or had donor sperm, would he be able to turn around after many years of marriage and say "Yebbut they are not my kids?" Nope. If they weren't married of course it would be a different matter.

[CornishMaid1]

Apparently he was diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, so has obstructive azoospermia due to not having a vas deferens duct, so no sperm can come out (the tube to connect is missing).

[MulticolourMophead]

Who said anything about minimising? I said I was unclear about some aspects because there's some conflicting information I've read and I wanted to be clear. Especially as I saw one reference to the wife using protection with the OM and none with the husband.

Unprotected with both, yes, she should have come clean then.

[Sonneedshelp]

@floribunda18 I think that knowing the situation makes it totally different, if she was honest and he accepted the children as his then yes, pay maintenance!

But he wasn't given that option, she then went on to have more children and again didn't give him an option.

Totally different situation.

[SoupDragon]

He couldn't have had a biological family. He's infertile.

That is kind of irrelevant as it still doesn't make it right for the woman to have lied and been unfaithful. He could probably have used some kind of assisted conception I imagine.

We really know nothing about this man and the divorce...

For some people all they need to know is whether the perso has a penis as that means they are always in the wrong. A vagina means you can do no wrong' even when you've shagged another man and lied about the paternity of your children.

[Augusta2012]

Multicolour, this is the murky thing. The mother initially insisted that they must be his and that she had no idea they might not be. But then her son has come out with stuff that really doesn’t fit in with that like saying they understand why she did it, she was in an unhappy marriage and wanted children. That suggests it was entirely deliberate and she knew all the way through. They keep making slips and not keeping their stories straight. It’s very suspicious.

Also in the previous story there were heavy hints the eldest son was already aware he wasn’t the Dad before the CF diagnosis.

[stuckbetweenlife]

Popp

[Sonneedshelp]

@MulticolourMophead where did you read about her using protection with her affair? Clearly, she didn't use it very well!!

You're minimising the actions of the women by saying, she didn't actually know they weren't his!

She must've had a good idea and should be jailed for fraud! She's caused this whole debacle and hurt her children in the process.

[TootTootPeanutbutter]

It's insane to compare adopting or agreeing together to use donor sperm with one person deceiving the other into raising another man's children. The situations are nothing alike, and yes the relationship was fake too, if he'd known what she had done he may have chosen to walk away from his marriage, I certainly would, and even if he'd chosen to stay and raise them then at least it would have been his choice, but as he didn't know the boys weren't his, he had no option. The choice was taken from him.

[Sonneedshelp]

For some people all they need to know is whether the perso has a penis as that means they are always in the wrong. A vagina means you can do no wrong' even when you've shagged another man and lied about the paternity of your children.

@SoupDragon

Bloody good post!!!

[TheCraicDealer]

Biology isnt everything but it's pretty important to most of us. I hate the assumption that just because you've been successfully misled and lied to for years you should "be the bigger person" and not seek recompense from the person who defrauded you.

Going public appears to be an attempt to humiliate the exW. I don't agree with that, but she was awarded £4 million in the divorce, in addition to the fact her boys benefited from a private education funded by her ex. She 'only' has to repay £250k of an considerable award that was made due, in part, to the fact there were three children from the marriage.

She apparently refused to have them christened and insisted on 'Jewish' middle names which suggests she knew very well they were not fathered by her husband from the outset. One child, maybe you could forgive it, but the twins were born four years after the eldest. That level of deception is staggering- she lied to her then-husband and robbed him of the opportunity to decide if he wanted to raise/get attached to children fathered by his wife's lover, denied her boys the chance to know their real dad, obtained an inflated divorce settlement by deception, and potentially the lover doesn't even know he has kids. She basically used him as a sperm donor. I'd be angry too!

Clearly the relationship between the boys and the exH broke down some time before this all came to light. In those circumstances I can see why the children appear to have 'sided' with their mother. Imagine effectively losing your father (first practically via divorce and then literally through the DNA results) and then being faced with the fact your mum has been lying to you for your whole life? Seems like 'forgiveness' in that instance might be more than partly self-preservation.

[ILikeYouToo]

For those berating him for going to the press, I would be willing to bet that the press got hold of the story and he had to make a split decision on whether he took control of it, by being the one telling the story, or if he let the press make up their own versions.
You've seen the Daily Fail and their 'versions' of stories - you can see why he might want to get his side across, much as he may rather he didn't have to.
We'll never know!

[MadMum101]

To all those saying that he should have thought of the upset it would cause the boys, re talking to the press if he approached the DM with the story, well they as adults have disowned him and obviously have little care about the years he spent bringing them up and their mother using him as a meal ticket did they?

He didn't disown them, he stated that he still loved them and wanted a relationship. He has every right to tell his story.

[floribunda18]

But he wasn't given that option, she then went on to have more children and again didn't give him an option.

He could have left her years ago then. Presumably for many years he was happy to be married and have unprotected sex with her and actually consented to having children, not knowing he was infertile.

I'm not saying it wasn't a pretty hefty and unpleasant deception, but am just trying to set thing straight. And he is still their dad, he brought them up. The fact the boys don't want to have a relationship with him is presumably because he is an ocean-going wanker, not because his isn't their biological dad.

[TootTootPeanutbutter]

He consented to having his own children with her, not another man's.

[tillytrotter1]

Horrible greedy man.

Typical female reaction, a woman can never be wrong, even in a case like this where she is clearly the nastiest piece of work. Of course being a parent is more than mere biology but he has the right to feel totally cheated and as the sons are not babies they too have treated him with utter contempt.

[floribunda18]

I think the biological dad and the kids are the parties who have been more hurt by the deception. They have been denied the chance to have a relationship.

[Sonneedshelp]

I'm not saying it wasn't a pretty hefty and unpleasant deception, but am just trying to set thing straight. And he is still their dad, he brought them up. The fact the boys don't want to have a relationship with him is presumably because he is an ocean-going wanker, not because his isn't their biological dad.

That's fine, they don't want a relationship with him, they don't have too, no obligation whatsoever.

After all, it's not like he's their father!!

[Sonneedshelp]

@tillytrotter1 I hear you, woman proved totally wrong....... tons of females then say.......

It's not her fault, he could've been nasty, he got 20 years of fatherhood and should be grateful, he had unprotected sex abs consented to children!

Man goes to pub, comes back 30 seconds late...... LTB!!

The double standards are amazing!

Of course we're presuming that both sets of children have the same alternative father, who knows she may have had another one on the go! Oh no, of course not a woman would never do that!

[MulticolourMophead]

@Sonneedshelp If wanting information is minimising, then we're all guilty of that. I simply like having information before I make a decision, including stuff like this. I don't rush into things.