To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

[moanymoaner]

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

Why could she not have done what other women do when they find they're childless? IVF?, AID? Discuss it with the husband and deal with it together. Then at least the father would have known the situation from the beginning.

Hasn't she also defrauded their real father out of a relationship with them, and being able to watch them grow up and be part of their lives?

I don't think DNA testing should be mandatory because I don't think the state has any right to force such testing on anyone.

There may be a case for saying that parents should only be able to list the father on the BC if a DNA test is done (except in cases where the father knows he is not the BF and is agreeing to be the social father anyway, such as in cases of sperm donation). After all, why should John Smith be listed as the father if nobody has any proof that that is who he is?

As for "being a parent is far more than biology"Well, I sort of get this, but on the other hand, as a woman if I learned that my child was not my biological child due to a mixup in the hospital or having the wrong egg implanted in me when undergoing IVF, I would be devastatedit is a traumatic thing to happen.

He seems like a right twat!

I read the article with his eldest son this morning, who seemed a most sensible and articulate young man. The gist of it was that he was trying not to take sides, but had already lost contact with his dad (the non-bio one) due to the divorce prior to finding out that he wasn't his son, so the bond was already ruptured. He also questioned why his dad went to the papers, given this had been known for a year or two. My guess is that the papers were going to run it anyway and so he decided to put his case. He seemed a lovely boy though and trying not to condemn anyone and keep doors open.

So why aren’t they NC with the mother?

Mumsnet is such a hypocritical place sometimes.

We really know nothing about this man and the divorce. He could have had countless affairs for all we know. He could have been a terrible husband and father. It's quite possible the mother wasn't completely certain he wasn't the father until he confirmed he couldn't be.

I think it's really sad and he's acted in anger without thinking it through. Being a Dad is more than biology. It's the kids I feel sorry for.

It's easy to say that biology isn't important when you haven't been deceived. He had a right to know. If he had known when the first boy was born he may have chosen to walk away, and I wouldn't have blamed him. There are plenty of people for whom biology matters whether or not they have fertility issues, and even if it doesn't the ability to choose whether or not to raise an unrelated child matters. That choice was taken from him.

One of the boys in the papers today says he was surprised his "father " chose to put all this in the press. I suspect that illustrates what kind of man the father is. Unless live with these people you can't really know what they are like. if the mother used a condom with her lover but not the husband she perhaps did not know they may not be her husband's children although she shoud not have had an affair in the first place.

From the son's description he sounded a bit like my children's father and in our case unless you lived with him you would have no idea what he was like (awful) to live with. Teenagers always know and it doesn't matter what anyone thinks outside the home.

That does not remove the basic problem here - that if the mother knew they may not be her husband's children she should have told him.

I would support universal testing at birth. The sons were not 100% sure their father had not interfered with the test results so they tested another relative which proved the father was indeed right.

I don't know why people have been comparing it to adoption either when you adopt you make a deliberate decision to raise a child that is not biologically yours. It is nothing like being deceived.

You’re kidding! He comes across as a right twat. Ofc his wife’s actions were outrageous but his sons obviously still consider him Dad. How could you drag kids you had raised through the press like that.

I wonder how the wider family have reacted - grandparents etc and whether his parents still have contact with the boys if they are alive. I can guess the answer.

There may be a case for saying that parents should only be able to list the father on the BC if a DNA test is done (except in cases where the father knows he is not the BF and is agreeing to be the social father anyway, such as in cases of sperm donation

I think that only genetic parents should be put on birth certificates to prevent cases of insest.

Wow some of the replies!!
Paternity testing all births is a bit OTT , this is the first ever case of paternity fraud that's been found out in the uk (i suspect plenty more havnt!) re the money thing- I think it's a bit of teaching her a lesson , he doesn't need the money so it's principle. He's hurt. We all do things when we're hurt. I'm sad his kids have cut him off and his health means he won't be around forever . It's just a really awful situation :(

Biology isnt everything but it's pretty important to most of us. I hate the assumption that just because you've been successfully misled and lied to for years you should "be the bigger person" and not seek recompense from the person who defrauded you.

Maybe given the choice between no children and someone elses children he'd have chosen "no children"? As is his right.

Nope he does not come across well to me.

Fair enough be angry at his wife but he was still their father he still brought them up - he abandoned his children over genetics

Having said that, the comments about “being a dad is more than biology” is pure nonsense when that “dad” has been lied to for more than a decade and deceived into taking responsibility for someone else’s child rather than making that decision for himself.

This. He has been deliberately deceived not once but three times over a period of many years.

I read that the boys had cut off contact with him? Is that not the case?

It sounds like the father could have children by IVF apparently so he could now try that with his new partner if he wants his own genetic children and if his parents want grandchildren.

I can totally see why he is angry. It also has lots to do with finance, my DC cost a fortune I always put off things for me and that is ok, if I paid for them for a decade all for a pack of lies.
The DM should pay, she is the one who created the mess.
Most men would walk away eventually.

As for "being a parent is far more than biology"Well, I sort of get this, but on the other hand, as a woman if I learned that my child was not my biological child due to a mixup in the hospital or having the wrong egg implanted in me when undergoing IVF, I would be devastatedit is a traumatic thing to happen.

This and even worse when lying and deception are involved rather than human error.

One of the boys was in the Daily Mail this morning, I mean we have no idea if anything he "said" was really said but apparently his mum was ok to do this as she wanted a family and was in an unhappy marriage.
Um, that's what divorce is for?!!

Also I didn't realise that the deal struck was that the name of her lover could never be revealed? WTAF? That particular arsehole has got off lightly!

@Quartz2208 they stopped speaking to him after they threatened to if he sued their mum , but he did sue her , for £250,000 of the 4 million he had actually paid

He has every right to be angry at his ex. But he had interviews in the press for 3 days straight- firstly about the deception and with childhood pictures of the children, the second offering reward for info on the bio father and saying he would 'drop hints' in his new book, and the third about how women from all over the world are now inundating him with offers.

He doesn't seem to care very much about the well-being of the boys he raised and one of them has now said he has had no contact for 3 years prior to all this coming out and that he is a manipulative individual. Based on his conduct in the media that doesn't surprise me. Being the victim of a deception doesn't suddenly mean you are a saint.

Being a parent is more than biology - easy for people to say when its not gonna happen to them involuntarily bar a major medical mishap.