To feel sad for the guy in the paternity fraud case

[moanymoaner]

Was watching it on GMB this morning and he was teary , I feel sad for him . I can't imagine finding out when the kids were older that they weren't yours! I get that the boys are standing with their mum but surely they must be feeling cross with her lies :( all such a mess for them :(

Doyoumind

and still you dodge the question.

You don't like what he has done, but what would you do to ensure that some form of justice has taken place?

I really don’t think it’s all his fault and nowhere have I said that.

If this were a woman saying that her husband had had an affair, fathered 3 children and lied to her for 20 years the posts on here would 100% be in her favour (and that is without the added deceit of making her believe that she was the mother of the children).

She would be advised to ltb, get all of the financial paperwork together and take him for every penny. She would be advised to tell people around her what had happened. I've even seen women told to take all of his belongings to his place of work (so making the story public).

No one would ask the women what she had done during the marriage to cause the man to do this. No one would say the wife must have been abusive or a cunt to cause the man to behave in this way. No one would advise the woman to stay quiet and to think about the children involved before taking any action.

So yes, this is misandry. How this man behaved in his marriage is irrelevant to what the wife did. If she has some massive justification for her behaviour why doesn't she tell her side of the story? I'm speculating it's because there is no justification. That nothing she could say will exonerate her.

This happened to this man. It is his story. So long as he tells the truth I have no problem with him telling the story.

You say that him going public has dragged the sons into it but that isn't quite true. He told his story. At least 1 son has then come out and told his own story - he didn't have to do that so actually the son has brought himself out into the public eye.

I really don’t think it’s all his fault and nowhere have I said that.

So do you think any of it is his fault then?

CarolDanvers

You are saying how is is wrong for how he has handled it, What would you have done?
Just let it go? Because I wouldn't believe that for a second.

Charlie you pulled me up on the use of a word you didn’t like and told me I was speculating on something I couldn’t know. Then you did exactly the same yourself more than once. I was just pointing that out and I think you feel a bit silly so are trying to take the focus off that by accusing me of supposed “misandry”. It’s ok, we all make mistakes

@CarolDanvers your posts show your views.

@Weetabixandshreddies that's spot on, it would be a totally different response if the wronged party was a woman.

If I had loved three children for twenty years and brought them up as my own believing myself to be their mother then yes that’s exactly what I would have done and I don’t much care if you believe it or not. There is a specific situation in my background that is private and I will not go into here, that convinces me of this. Don’t worry I haven’t passed my children off as someone else’s but it was a very difficult family/relationship situation that makes me look at this entire situation possibly a little differently than many might.

I haven’t for one second said this woman was right to do what she did but I think he has handled it badly with regard to the children. We could discuss this all day and I won’t change my mind on that.

That was to Boney.

@CarolDanvers

And there is a similar situation in my family, which I have explained on here, that shows me that some lies can be so hurtful, so destructive that when exposed they obliterate any good things that might also have happened.

You lack any empathy for a man who held those newborns, pushed those twins, taught the eldest to ride a bike, basked in pride at their achievements, revelled in the congratulations at their conception, at the scans at hearing that twins were expected.

All of that to find out he'd been part of a massive cover up and blatant lies by his wife and her lover, made worse then to find that he couldn't have children at all.

I'm surprised that man is able to get up in the morning, never mind not want to shout from the rooftop at how truly unfair and blindingly awful his ex wife has been to him.

What some of you are saying is that this woman should get away with this scott free by hiding behind her children.

Plenty of times criminals are exposed in the press and by doing so their children are exposed by association. It happens. It's sad but the person at fault is the criminal, not the victim that exposed it.

I’m not responding to you anymore charlie if you don’t mind. I’m not really bothered about the opinions of people who can’t admit they’re wrong about small things.

I’m sure that’s true Weetabix. I don’t want to explain mine as it’s just too sensitive but I do see what you’re saying. Would you do public in the way this man has though? No matter what hurt it caused?

Charlie97

Exactly that.

If I were him I'd plaster her face on every bill board so that everyone would know her for what she was capable of doing.

There’s my answer. Fair enough. Have to leave this now as am taking one of my children toan actuvity and we are already late!

CarolDanvers

You seem to be ignoring that you cannot be passed off as their mother. This is something that can only happen to men.

You seem incapable of putting yourself in his position.

@CarolDanvers I'm devastated.....I wholeheartedly was enjoying the discussion.

CarolDanvers

Honestly - I would. I would probably do even more.

I look at my dad now and it breaks my heart that he will die not knowing his dad and if only his mum had admitted it earlier he would have had the chance to meet him, even just once. How can that ever be fixed?

What this man is expressing is the pain from a wound so deep that I doubt it will ever heal. It's too much to expect him to put anyone else first.

Boney how exactly have I dodged the question? I said that he had agreed a punishment of £250k to be returned as a punishment and I felt that was sufficient.

It feels that by going to the press he is punishing the sons for their mother's sins.

Weetabix if I had been with a man for 20 years and he had fathered 3 children by someone else, for the sake of the children he had fathered with me I wouldn't go to the press.

would love to see the responses to thread of a woman posting that their husband had been off and had a four year affair, fathered 3 children and lied for 20years to her, he would be getting strung up. There is just no rationale on here sometimes

That is a totally different scenario.

If the woman had her dc replaced at birth and she found after 20years that none of her children were hers I doubt she would have pursued money over the children.

I know if someone turned around and said dd wasn’t mine it would not make me pursue money over my relationship with a person I live regardless of whether we were related

@CarolDanvers. I understand that you don't want to go into specifics for your own anonymity, but I can't imagine what scenario you have been in that guaranteed you'd behave better than this guy has.

In one moment he found his spouse had cheated on him and that the children were not biologically his. As a PP said some women are lacking empathy as this cannot possibly happen to them. I am a step child and a step father. My parents marriage failed and I am still in regular contact with both parents despite it being a very messy divorce.

I would also hope to remain in contact with my step children should my marriage fail. None of these circumstances are the same as what he is going through.

In summary I call bullshit on your "I know how I'd react" Especially if the media got involved.

Oliversmumsarmy

But you wouldn't be pursuing the father of the child you would be perusing a company, so its different again

BoneyBackJefferson

It wouldn’t matter if it was a person or a company if dc had said if I persued it then they would cut me off. It wouldn’t have seen the light if day as I value my relationship higher than money

Doyoumind

Then I apologise for missing you response.

But as people have posted it is more likely that the press came to him and offered him the chance to put his side forward first under the threat of going to the ex and putting her side forward.

I don't blame him for putting this out there.

I do think that the eldest child comes across badly in his response in the papers to this and he contradicts himself.

But all of this is down to the mother who apparently didn't want to leave a bad marriage but wanted kids so used him as a meal ticket.