re school exclusion

[mummy207]

I posted a while back about my DS being inappropriate at school, he asked a teacher to add him on snapchat and was isolated for it. The reactions on here were split between whether this was an overreaction by the school or acceptable. I accepted it and sanctioned him at home and fully supported the school after reading all of your helpful responses. Lots of teachers responded.

Unfortunately today there has been a follow up and I have been told my son needs to be excluded tomorrow and stay at home. I totally agree he is being absolutely unacceptable , he apparently lifted his top up and asked the teacher whether she liked his abs. I know it's fucking insane, don't get me started.

They have said because this is his second "Sexually inappropriate offense" (question whether the snapchat thing was sexually inappropriate!!) , he needs an external exclusion which will go on his record. Although I agree he is in the wrong, this again to me seems really ridiculous. What is making him sit at home all day going to achieve? He will be on xbox! Also some of his peers have had several fights, bullying, etc and not been excluded. Exclusions are really rare. I am absolutely devastated. Is there anything I can do about this? It says on the paperwork I can challenge the exclusion?

I don’t think I can put into words what my reaction would be if I discovered my teen had nude pics of classmates on their phone..
OP you CANNOT brush this under the carpet, have you ANY idea of how serious this is?

You're wasting your breath, people.

The OP's husband has dismissed the concerns on here as being hysterical over-reaction, as evidenced by his sneery "get the fuck off Mumsnet."

Cross posted with this:
And telling him his teacher might be intimidated by him I suspect is about to make your problem way worse. Because he will think he's in the power position, and he's not, he's a stupid little boy whose likely to get expelled as his next step and will be lucky if he avoids the SOR and fucking his life up,
Exactly.
Teacher once they've spotted a student might have a crush - bless them, they're quite sweet but I'll just pull back sone of the friendly banter/more pastoral chats a little and continue to be professional

Teacher if a student makes an innocent mistake (e.g. flirty comment but not intended to undermine / student misjudged professional boundaries) - I'll not say anything to the student, will divert the conversation or end it and make a deliberate effort to be mindful of lhow often the student sees me out of class, I'll mention it to head of year and safeguarding lead. I dont want them to do anything but they probably need to be kept in the picture just in case

Teacher after an incident where the is an obvious public attempt to undermine and harass - speak to safeguarding and senior leader, sexual or suggestive element needs dealing with and it's high level lesson disruption. Probably isolation and a firm talking to.

Teacher after repeated incidents with a student - How dare he try to undermine me and engage in power play. Who the hell doel they think they are. I'm not risking my career dealing with that; who knows what stunt they might pull? Safeguarding goes both ways so I'm reporting them, I'm categorically not being alone with that student and might refuse to have them in my class for a while. Senior leadership need to deal with this severely.

Ffs. Just read this thread.

My DD is in Y8. She has been told at both primary and secondary school about the dangers of social media. Sexting. Sending nudes.

There is no way I believe your son didn't realise.

The pictures of girls yes I assume were his classmates, and deleted them. What else can i do? Report my own son to the police?

You talk to the school so that they can address it and at least inform the girls' parents!

According to your other thread you have 2 daughters, imagine it was their photo.

What you do not do is ignore this, cuddle your son and blame it on a teenage crush.

Fucking hell OP, your DH needs to put his dad hat on and you both need to read your DS the riot act.
It is NOT acceptable to do these things if you fancy someone. Honestly, If someone was like that to me I'd think 'creep'. If they did it because they fancied me I'd still think 'weird creep' and be scared.
He needs to realise it's not acceptable, or normal, or a bit of a laugh. It's really really nasty.

The headteacher needs to be informed of the naked pictures ASAP.
They are illegal and the entire year needs to be aware of this and the very serious implications it can have.
How are the other parents going to feel when they find out about this? And they should. I'd feel sick if my dd had been cajoled into posing naked for a bunch of twat 15 year year olds.
It may well be normal for your DS to send and receive naked pics, but it shouldn't be. And the school need to act on this.

Yep, we have extensive conversations in PSHE that sexting and sharing images of under age girls is a criminal offence. I’m Year 11, he will know that and you need to be reminding him strongly.

Please, please email the head of Year and let them know about those photos. The school has a duty of care to all students and it needs resolving pronto.

The bit someone said earlier about him thinking he has the power is spot on- he will end up perm excluded if he doesn’t change his behaviour.

The pictures of girls yes I assume were his classmates

Christ almighty.
So he has pictures not of adult porn stars or the like but of children. Potentially 14 year old girls. Even if, and I doubt it, these girls sent him the pictures unsolicited he should have done the decent thing and deleted them.
You should speak to the school. The parents of these girls need to know that there are possibly naked pictures of them on the phones of half the school, I doubt he’s kept them to himself.

Wake up op. Stop listening to your DH who thinks we are a bunch of whinging women (the contempt he spoke about MN with speaks volumes if you ask me) and think about your DS and his future.

Apologies I haven't rtft yet I'm working through it. But as a mother of teen boys I emplore you to act now. You are failing him. He doesnt need to loose his gym and xbox for a short time. It needs to be taken until he earns it back with good behaviour remorse and understanding. It's not acceptable. My 9 year old knows better. He's acted like a balshy brat showing predatory behaviour.

Act now. Teach him now.... Or in a few years everyone will be reading about his crimes in the paper!

It's not over reacting to be worried and sort this now.

He should be made to face his teacher and make a public apology. She's there to teach not to be intimidated. I'd rain hell down on my boys if they displayed this behaviour.

@pasanda

What did you do about what your dd showed you?

Did you go to the school? The police?

*You're wasting your breath, people.

The OP's husband has dismissed the concerns on here as being hysterical over-reaction, as evidenced by his sneery "get the fuck off Mumsnet."*

Well, let's hope OP's still as cool about things when her DS is on the SOR and he struggles to get a job because his conviction for having indecent images of children comes up on his DBS search.

Like a PP, I wrongly assumed that these were pics that were in the public domain, not images of girls his own age.

The school really needs to know about this, so that they can address it. Although I'm not quite sure how. They're hardly likely to send a note to parents saying "Can you all check your kids' phones for indecent images?", are they?

Maybe they should have a copper come to the school and do the equivalent of the road safety talk, but about sex offending ...

According to your other thread you have 2 daughters, imagine it was their photo.

^ this. I very much doubt your DH would be laughing about it if a 15 year old had nude pictures of your DD would he.

I’m starting to think the OP is faking this. I like living in my little bubble where if it were actually true she’d be more horrified.

OP's son can tell the school who the girls are, who he send them to and who sent them to him for a start.

I hope this is fake. However, its true that this kind of behaviour is increasingly widespread so that indicates to me that there are many parents out there ignoring the issues or not taking it seriously enough, until of course its nude pictures of their teen daughter circulating round school

So, this young lad is going to the gym, showing off his abs and being sexually inappropriate. Have you considered steroid abuse - it can really change someone's behaviour and is surprisingly common.

They may not just be circulating round school, they may have ended up online for anyone to access in which case a charge of distribution would be taken very seriously by the police.

I'm not surprised at all that your son had nudes in his phone. It's a concern whether or not these pics are of girls he knows and whether they were sent to him or someone shared them with him.

I have kids a similar age and your son is clearly too big for his boots atm. He will almost certainly know that a teacher who engages in sexual banter would end up sacked and labelled a pervert for going there.

In your shoes, my teen would lose access to the smart phone and the Xbox would be confiscated for a while as they clearly can't behave responsibly online. I'm assuming that you at least keep an eye on his siblings Internet use?

Soconfusedbylife
What is scary is that many female teachers I know (me included) have been on the receiving end of something like this.

I'm not sharing my story (for obvious reasons), but it was a deliberate attempt by one boy and a couple of followers to harass me and make sexual comments. The boy in question had also done something similar to another female colleague too. Sadly, home were very much like the OP and their view was 'boys can be boys'.

Equally, I've spoken to parents about sexting and some passively say 'what can you do these days, they love their phone'.

I'm hoping it's fake, but it's scarily close to reality for some teens.

To be honest I'm beginning to doubt this thread - I re-read her other one (only one) and she asks Maisy to detail what type of "inappropriate banter" Maisy has had in her classroom. That and the daughters that are only mentioned once makes me go hmm

Cross posted with you there Maisy!

I'm hoping it's fake, but it's scarily close to reality for some teens.

Yes unfortunately in this day and age I can see it being true.

Surely this isn’t true? How can a parent be so calm about this and not think that this is really bad? To post on an Internet forum like this???? I would be beside myself it it were my son.

OP I know you've had a hard time on here, but please, as a minimum, read www.safterinternet.org.uk or www.internetmatters.org and find out how you can protect your younger children from the risks associated with online use.

I assume your younger DCs also have access to mobile devices?

Just to put this in context for you, My DSS was 10 years old (year 6) when he entered the search term "worlds biggest tits" into Google - and that was while using the family computer while his dad was in the room. Fortunately, the filters and blockers we had installed prevented him seeing any porn or worse. You have a responsibility to keep your DCs safe online as well as in the real world and you wouldn't leave hard core magazines around for DCs to see, would you?

Surely this isn’t true? How can a parent be so calm about this and not think that this is really bad?

Sadly they do exist.