re school exclusion

[mummy207]

I posted a while back about my DS being inappropriate at school, he asked a teacher to add him on snapchat and was isolated for it. The reactions on here were split between whether this was an overreaction by the school or acceptable. I accepted it and sanctioned him at home and fully supported the school after reading all of your helpful responses. Lots of teachers responded.

Unfortunately today there has been a follow up and I have been told my son needs to be excluded tomorrow and stay at home. I totally agree he is being absolutely unacceptable , he apparently lifted his top up and asked the teacher whether she liked his abs. I know it's fucking insane, don't get me started.

They have said because this is his second "Sexually inappropriate offense" (question whether the snapchat thing was sexually inappropriate!!) , he needs an external exclusion which will go on his record. Although I agree he is in the wrong, this again to me seems really ridiculous. What is making him sit at home all day going to achieve? He will be on xbox! Also some of his peers have had several fights, bullying, etc and not been excluded. Exclusions are really rare. I am absolutely devastated. Is there anything I can do about this? It says on the paperwork I can challenge the exclusion?

Gym. Abs. Previously well behaved. Absent father. inattentive mother. Sexual aggression

He’s taking steroids. Round of drinks if it.

juells

Yay for you being happy to be sexually intimidated by a young person in the classroom. Not really relevant to the OP’s son and his poor teacher though.

That;'s not the point juells. It is part of a bigger pattern of his behaviour (and it is interesting you changed the word'abs' which is clearly what he said) and , even if the teacher is not intimidated that is what this behaviour is designed to do. You yourself call it idiotic, so you knwo it was designed behaviour for effect.

If a black person brushed off racism as 'idiotic' would we not call it racism? So so many problems are caused in society by minimising unpleasnt behaviour, The people outside parliament aren't misogynistic, racist bullies : oh, they're just idiots. Boys will be boys.

It's not sexual intimidation. Girls would do exactly the same kind of thing, so what's that? It's 'being fifteen and not having a functioning brain'.

There’s always one

A sober 15 year old lifting his top “do you like my abs Miss?” Is the same kind of cretin who displays and shouts “oi bitch, suck my cock” after 4 pints out at the weekend. For the bantz. Cos he’s a right lad innit?

“He’ll just be on his xbox”
Nice parenting.

Juells - photos of men who are presented sexually in the media are nearly always ab shots.

www.google.co.uk/search?q=male+eye+candy+images&client=safari&hl=en-gb&prmd=isvn&source=lnms&tbm=isch&sa=X&ved=2ahUKEwiEuO-V6uLfAhXYTRUIHefnCDcQ_AUoAXoECAwQAQ&biw=768&bih=922

A google search for male eye candy. Nearly all focused on naked male abs.

It is demanding she views him as a sexual being.

juells

If it’s not sexual intimidation, how come he’s doing it to the same female teacher, and not to the male teachers?

Sorry OP but what I read, as bare bones is "He's getting excluded for sexualized behaviour towards a female teacher and he'll get rewarded by sitting on his Xbox"

A console isn't a right, it's a privilege and one which has to be earned.

There's a tonne of amazing advice on this thread and u suggest nipping it in the bud now, before it's too late

It’s time to come down on him like a ton of bricks, no phone, no xbox, no tv, no gym. He needs to learn and learn fast how inappropriate and disgusting his behaviour has been and how he will have made that poor teacher feel.

I’m shocked at you saying you would understand an expulsion for punching someone in face but not for this. I’d say this is a lot more severe and shows a very worrying pattern of behaviour and attitude towards women.

Also for the PP who said he doesn't fancy her, he is threatening her, I don't really get that?

Perhaps you had to see it in action. When I was 15, we had a young female biology teacher, very sweet and shy. One boy in our class behaved in a manner very similar to your son and it drove her to quit. Some examples:

• when she asked him to tuck in his shirt, he stared at her, maintaining eye contact as he slowly undid his trousers and dropped them, standing there (with what looked like a semi) before pulling them up and smirking at her.
• he regularly asked if she'd 'like him to stay behind and give her a hand with anything' with accompanying subtle gestures.
• he'd talk loudly in front of her about the sexual acts he'd performed on girls.

He didn't fancy her, he just got off on the fact that he was intimidating her and that's what your son is doing.

Jesus this thread is nuts!

To me it sounds like an overreaction (and I'm a secondary teacher). However, where I'm from pupils are sometimes friends with teachers on Facebook!
A very serious 'word' about no, that is inappropriate behaviour etc would once have sufficed. Maybe a referral to dean/head of year.
I'm afraid your son is a victim of the times. Meanwhile, kids lobbing chairs are 'internally excluded'!

Quizzzlybear what you have just described is nothing like what the OPs son has done!!

15 year olds are silly and impulsive. Teacher may feel offended. Or another may not have done. By exactly the same behaviour. It is the perception of the recipient that defines the level of the offence. So how is a 15 year old boy expected to automatically know how it will be perceived? They're still learning. Telling him to 'behave himself' is too vague. Can he be blamed if behaviours are not explicitly ruled on by school. It's a stomach. Not a penis. Really. Unless school rules are 'do not reveal your abs to female teachers,' etc then rules too open to interpretation. Eg would it be appropriate to ask this of male gym teacher? But not a female?? Your son should know why this action has caused offence but not crucified for it.

Can he be blamed if behaviours are not explicitly ruled on by school.

Most ridiculous comment. He knew what hd was doing. He has been punished for inappropriate behaviour before.

Quizzzlybear what you have just described is nothing like what the OPs son has done!!

A lot depends on how he did it and in what circumstances. If he did it in response to being told off or asked to do something, then yes it's very similar. There's a big difference between naive overenthusiasm (or even plain silliness) and deliberately undermining the teacher and class discipline, and if he's being excluded for it then he's probably not in naive overenthusiasm territory.

Maybe a referral to dean/head of year.

Isn't it the dean/head of year who decides on the exclusion? Most schools prefer not to exclude, it looks bad on their records, so they probably wont be doing it just for nothing.

The idea that any teacher would be intimidated by a teenage boy acting the maggot leaves me speechless.

The idea that someone in this day and age, especially given this isn't the first time, can't see it as intimidating, leaves me speechless.

Quizzlybear what you have just described is nothing like what the OPs son has done!!

Oh, so the OP's well-developed son didn't expose his body to the teacher in an apparent attempt to either humiliate her in front of his peers or initiate a sexual connection? My mistake.

So how is a 15 year old boy expected to automatically know how it will be perceived

A 15 year old knows that it's inappropriate and why without it being expicidly in the rules and why, he could be working at an office in an appreniceship next year.
Presumably wouldn't need to be told why its not appropriate to show your body off to in an office setting so can apply that to a school one.

Punished for inappropriate behaviour before... ?? But to him to two actions may appear poles apart. Asking someone to add them on social media. Asking someone to look at their belly. 2 entirely different actions. What does inappropriate mean??? Way too vague and wooly to be helpful. At all. Even us, as adults, can be guilty of inappropriate behaviour if we don't understand the subtle nuances involved in social behaviour. Eg ok to show chest on a beach abroad. Not in England. Or maybe it is ok in England. Ok if you are a man?? Not a woman?? A man stood next to me in shower area at Butlins swimming pool . Stark naked. Amongst families and small kids. I believe they had a word. But should be have been arrested???? Not ok on a high street. Not ok in an office. Ok in a leisure centre. Not ok at Butlins...
15 year old boy. Time for learning.

Besides, if the OP actually took this as a serious red light, she'd go and arrange a meeting with the school to find out if there were any minor incidents leading up to the expulsion incident for a fuller picture of the context.

I'd bet good money that there have been low-level comments, looks etc that have made her feel uncomfortable too, since we know there's already a pattern of reported behaviour targeting this one teacher.

You are so focusing on the wrong things. The exclusion was an appropriate and proportionate response by the school.

You need to demand access to all his social media. If he is being this forward with a teacher, more than once, then fuck only knows what he is up to with his peers. You need to be sure that this was just him dicking about and not part of a much larger and deeper rooted problem. He is only a few years off adulthood and it sounds like you may need to bust a gut to ensure you are sending him out into the world with the right values when it comes to women. The world has enough scumbags

Why do we assume he knows??? My ds is 16. We have many conversations about consent. I emphasize to him how gray the areas can be and to be 100 % sure. Eg. We have women, even married women on here asking 'have I been raped?' If they are undecided how is the other party expected to know???

The op is joking with her husband about it, and they are both leaving the son to have a relaxing day off school rather doing any parenting. Give it to the summer and she will e back, name changed, bemoaning the fact her son can’t do his GCSEs because he has been permanently excluded. In the meantime, her plan is to do nothing and see what happens.

Gym culture is toxic. I suspect roids, but in any event he will be replacing his father with roid gym guys.