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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to stay with new partner if he only likes kissing ..

151 replies

unionof3 · 09/01/2019 14:30

Would I be batshit? He only likes kissing. No sexual contact as such . More sensual that sexual. I am young, single with no history . The problem is that I’m crazy for him ? Does it get better or is this weird ?

OP posts:
MrsTerryPratcett · 09/01/2019 15:24

Sounds like he will make an excellent friend.

Meanwhile, find someone else to bump uglies with because this will send you to distraction.

3timeslucky · 09/01/2019 15:25

I imagine you'll soon get bored and move on. If you think you're happy with him in the short-term then maybe ... (but yes it does sound weird).

jb7445 · 09/01/2019 15:29

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

INeedanInterestingUsername · 09/01/2019 15:46

There was a thread on here the other day about a fiancé who wouldn't dtd and the woman was asking if she should leave him.

Lweji · 09/01/2019 15:52

How long have you been together?

MikeUniformMike · 09/01/2019 15:59

Move on.

Rudgie47 · 09/01/2019 16:00

Gay? but young and scared to come out?

Mummyoflittledragon · 09/01/2019 16:14

It sounds as if he’s either asexual or has premature ejaculation. Or both. Can you see yourself in a relationship like this long term? If not, move on. You’d be wasting your most fertile years with a man, who can’t be with you sexually.

Original poster
unionof3 · 09/01/2019 16:32

I do not think he is gay . I will read about asexual . I am early twenties . He is ten years older. He has had girlfriends before . He is a wonderful boyfriend I every other way. Better than any other boyfriend I have ever had before . We can have sex but I know he really does t like it . I have told him that I am ok with his problem but he is kind of anxious about it. Physically he is normal down there . He will not get help though. I am in a confused state . Thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
unionof3 · 09/01/2019 16:33

I could see myself marrying him as he would be a great husband and father but I don’t know if I could live without sex! He is not going to change is he?

OP posts:
slashlover · 09/01/2019 17:07

OP check out AVEN at www.asexuality.org/ there are forums for people in your situation.

He's not going to change, if he's asexual then that is his sexuality. There's nothing wrong with him for not wanting sex and nothing wrong with you because you want sex.

You have to decide if that's something you can live with or not.

Hiphopopotamous · 09/01/2019 17:13

If you want a family, you might end up needing to have sex 3-4x per week for 6 months, a year, each child - if you seriously want a family I don't see how it can work.

Original poster
unionof3 · 09/01/2019 17:14

Is it actually possible to have a long term relationship with absolutely no sexual activity whatsoever ??? That’s friendship

OP posts:
theworldistoosmall · 09/01/2019 17:27

I couldn't do it. Yes I enjoy kissing and cuddling, but I also enjoy sex and couldn't live with the occasional quickie.

BertieBotts · 09/01/2019 17:32

Stop letting your heart overrule your head, this is bonkers.

It is a fairly major incompatability. There are plenty of women who prefer kissing to sex, so it's not like he'd have the same issue with anyone.

If you want a long term relationship and/or family you need to take a hard line on certain things. It's not his fault, he's not wrong to have his preference and you're not wrong to have yours - you're just different.

Now you've had his example on being a good husband/father/person you'll know what to look for - he won't be the only bloke out there who is a good person.

slashlover · 09/01/2019 17:45

Is it actually possible to have a long term relationship with absolutely no sexual activity whatsoever ??? That’s friendship

Of course it's possible.

Original poster
unionof3 · 09/01/2019 17:56

How? I have no idea . Hope you don’t think I’m being a twAt

OP posts:
Kemer2018 · 09/01/2019 18:00

He's probably a sexual deviant or closet gay man.
I'd swerve tbh.

slashlover · 09/01/2019 18:07

You're not being a twat, it can be difficult for people to understand. Do you kiss your friends the way this man wants to kiss you?

If a couple stop having sex for whatever reason then they're still in a relationship. Asexual people can still fall in love, still have romantic feelings, still want to have a partner.

He's probably a sexual deviant or closet gay man.

Just because he doesn't want to have sex?

Original poster
unionof3 · 09/01/2019 18:13

Ok thanks. It doesn’t make sense to me . He doesn’t seem to want to please me . He dictates the relationship physically . What do I do about that

OP posts:
MikeUniformMike · 09/01/2019 18:15

You move on. This is a big red flag. Just move on.

ashtrayheart · 09/01/2019 18:17

Lots of relationships end up being about love and affection with no sex when people are very old! That’s not just friendship.
You need to decide if you can deal with his probably asexuality.

ErickBroch · 09/01/2019 18:17

He's asexual, respect it but also it doesn't seem like this is for you. Do not expect him to change.

ashtrayheart · 09/01/2019 18:17

Probable*

slashlover · 09/01/2019 18:21

He doesn’t seem to want to please me . He dictates the relationship physically . What do I do about that

Do you mean that he refuses to have sex? Or says when you can touch him?