Keeping child's lunch for them to eat later?

[mamaandthegirls]

DD is 2 and a half and has never been a fussy eater, will pretty much eat anything given to her. However, on Sunday she refused point to eat her roast dinner cooked by partners mum. She always loves a roast dinner so I was surprised when she didn't eat it. I told partners mum to keep it as she can eat it later at tea time. Partners mum gave me a funny look and said that it was "cruel" to just give her a meal she doesn't want to eat.

Tea time came and partners mum asked if DD would like a sandwich for her tea and I said "no, she can eat her roast dinner she didn't touch." To which she replied "really?! Don't you think she'd prefer a sandwich?" So I said to just put it on front of her and if she doesn't eat it, then she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else.
DD ended up scoffing the roast dinner and I said "see, if they're hungry then they'll eat" but partners mum saw that as a nasty thing to do!

I was bought up that you never give children the option and you tell them what they're going to be eating and if they don't eat it then they go to bed hungry, as I found out a few times as a child! I have never been a fussy eater in my life but DP on the other hand was pandered to too much as a child when it came to meal times and sometimes got given a different meal to his parents.
Just wondered what everyone else's thoughts are on this? And what you'd do?

I would not feel happy with myself letting my DC go to bed hungry at 2 or any age. It would go against all my maternal extinct. However, that's not something my own Mother would've ever done either so it's not a familiar method of bringing up a child to me, perhaps that accounts for the difference.

Planespotting, when they were younger, certainly toddler age I would ensure every food group was represented. My eldest likes vegetables anyway but my youngest was more typical and didn't like most vegetables, I would encourage them both to try stuff but some tastes have taken years to develop like salad leaves. I didn't deny them cakes, biscuits or any treat stuff, no set days for treat types of food. At there ages now they will eat until they are full and that includes puddings/chocolate.

she goes to nursery and they always encourage the children to eat all of their packed lunches

A nursery should know better than to teach the 'eat it all up' way. This has shocked me. Children should be allowed to know when they are full and stop eating.

Wow, you’re insane ..

@PoutySprout boring. You clearly haven't read my post!! You say "however much they say" I never force DD to eat everything on her plate, as long as she eats a good amount then I am happy. And no I am not ignoring people who don't agree with me - they're the people whom I've been replying to the most!

You would send a 2 year old to bed hungry

Well arent you just pleasant

@Geminijes what so you would make your child another meal completely different to everyone else? Or are you one of those mums that when their child is 30 you'll still be wiping their backside too!

I never force DD to eat everything on her plate, as long as she eats a good amount then I am happy.

Yet you were doing emojis and applauding the nursery eat it all up method.

@ChristmasSnow read my replies.

OP - the more you post the more unpleasant you sound. You are missing something important and valuable. And you just cannot see it. Why did you bother posting?? Your posts sound bitter, controlling and sad. I feel sorry for your daughter. I won’t be reading anymore of what you say.

You sound like a horrible control freak with a nasty streak of one upmanship

You are not creating the way to a mutual happy relationship with your child and think you might get a shock when she is older and refuses to be brow beaten or controlled

@WasperSting fair enough, maybe that's my poor choice of words there. But the nursery that DD attends encourages children to eat all sandwiches first and followed by any raw fruit / veg then they leave what's left in their lunch box. Not once has DD come home with even a crumb in hers!

@mammaandthegirls - you sound like a complete control freak and yes, trying to make children eat everything they are given is a path to weight problems. They need to learn to regulate their own appetite and listen to their bodies.

Typo in previous post, 'instinct' not 'extinct'...

Aaah she's 2 a baby of course I would make her something else she would eat
I'm a mum of 5 boys
You should be reported to social services if u put her to bed hungry

@Worsethingshappen no, I do see what people are saying - especially the ones who have / had a bad relationship with food as a child, thus developing some sort of ED. But what I am saying is that I just don't think it's ok for me to just throw an entire dinner away and give her something completely different later on? We are all entitled to our opinions here, and I understand people may not agree with me and that's fine but I'm annoyed that people say that I control my daughter...

Bravo, sending kids to bed hungry. Stand firm op and teach your toddler hard lessons about life.

@Caxx did you read one of my replies to someone about giving her something to eat when she goes to bed if she doesn't eat a meal I make? Clearly not!

Also can I ask what other people would do then? Would you just make an entire new meal for your child to eat and bin the meal they turned down?

There is a difference between making a whole other meal and ensuring a child doesn't go to bed hungry. I would rather bin a portion of food than force my child to eat it for the sake of it.

If my DD ever rejected a meal I would do as you do and save the meal and offer it at dinner time, especially if it is something I know she likes. However, where we differ is that she can choose not to eat the food for dinner too. If that happens she knows that I won't be making her a whole new meal of her choice but I would never send her to bed hungry either.

If the meal is rejected a second time then she is allowed something simple but filling - eg toast and a banana - that it is not seen as a treat or something "better" so she won't start to reject meals but equally she doesn't go to bed hungry.

@Canshopwillshop never did I say I make DD eat everything on her plate. If you read some of my previous replies you'll see that I never make her eat every thing on her plate.

She’s 2, YABU!

@Geminijes what so you would make your child another meal completely different to everyone else? Or are you one of those mums that when their child is 30 you'll still be wiping their backside too!

My sons are both adults and are anything but fussy eaters.
If, when they were children and didn't fancy a meal I had prepared then I used to offer them something else as I didn't (and still don't) believe in forcing a child to eat something they don't want to.
Adults are not forced to eat food they don't want, so why force a child? why treat a child differently how to you would want to be treated?
Why do you want to control what your child has to eat and when? Why do you think it's OK to send your daughter to bed hungry?

You said this DD has done this once or twice to me before at home, had a drink a piece of bread and butter when turned down a meal I made and prepared. But wasn't much to fill her up.

What does ‘wasn’t much to fill her up’ mean if not ‘goes to bed hungry’?

@mammaandthegirls - I was referring to your comment about her nursery’s practice of making sure they eat all their packed lunch every day.

And in your OP you said she can go home and go to bed hungry as she won't be having anything else

What does that mean if not ‘goes to bed hungry’? At 2 years old?

OP why did you post in aibu if you didn’t want honest replies? You are arguing with everyone that doesn’t agree with you.
Sending a 2 year old to bed hungry is downright nasty and imo abuse.