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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to say we're not dragging DC to this event?

151 replies

brookshelley · 07/01/2019 10:14

PILs and SIL are asking us to drive to visit SIL for a major work event where she is getting an award. A huge professional achievement. However,

  • it's an adults event not a family event.
  • it's a 5 hour drive away
  • DC are 3 and 1

The event is in the afternoon followed by a reception and dinner in the evening. DCs bedtime is 7:30 PM and become tired and cranky by 6:30 if they're not winding down by that point. So in practice, DH would attend and I'd be with the children at a hotel (SIL lives in a 1 bed flat so can't host us). In which case what is the point of bringing them at all.

ILs are upset as they want to see DGCs and are acting like I am being difficult.

DH agrees with me but his MIL/SIL in particularly are highly emotional and is avoiding discussing it further as they've both given him a huge moan about it already and he's tired of listening.

AIBU?

OP posts:
NancyJoan · 07/01/2019 10:17

No, of course not. How will the ILs see the kids if they are at the event and you are sitting in a dark hotel room trying to get the kids to sleep?

You DH just needs to go on his own, to this adult event.

needanappp · 07/01/2019 10:17

I wouldn't take DC's but is there no one else who could have them overnight to allow you to both go and attend the event rather than you having to stay in the hotel?

If not maybe your husband could attend whilst you stay at home with DC.

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 07/01/2019 10:17

Suggest dh goes alone.
They all sound nuts.
Your dc won't give a flying fuck about her award!!
Maybe you don't either?!?!

RosemarysBabyDress · 07/01/2019 10:18

DH agrees with you, so where's the issue?

I don't understand why people in this country are so obsessed with an inflexible and early bed time for their kids, it sounds like it makes your life so difficult - and doesn't allow any lay-in until they are teenagers. If that's your routine and you are happy with it, you don't have to change it.

As long as your DH attends (with you if you have a babysitter), then you are not doing anything remotely wrong.

GetOffTheTableMabel · 07/01/2019 10:18

No. It would be an unreasonable way to treat your children. Your DH should go and you should just keep saying “we would have loved to attend but unfortunately we can’t because it’s not a child-friendly occasion. It wouldn’t be appropriate.” If you object only on the grounds of child-friendliness, they’ll have to wind their necks in. They can hardly make a convincing case for the suitability of the event for a toddler.

MrsJayy · 07/01/2019 10:18

Tell them the kids will be bored rigid at the thing it is for adults really and leave it at that your husband could go and support and applaud his sister.

User323676890 · 07/01/2019 10:19

YANBU. How pointless. Stick to your guns. Tell the ILS you’ll arrange a separate, daytime meet up so you can all celebrate with the kids.

Original poster
brookshelley · 07/01/2019 10:20

needanappp there is no special request for my presence. They want DH and the children to be present. I suppose I have to be there too as their mother but SIL is not begging DH and I to go and leave babies behind.

OP posts:
MrsJayy · 07/01/2019 10:21

If they are being dramatic about it to the point they are not discussing it then it is a win really you and the kids are not going not discussion needed.

Twizzleegg · 07/01/2019 10:21

Send Dh alone but suggest you find another time for you all to go and spend quality time together.

YourEggnogIsBetterThanMine · 07/01/2019 10:22

I'd 100% stay home with DC and just send DH. I refuse to do big journeys with my 3 unless it is a longish trip that will be fun for them. 5 hours for a week long holiday = ok. 5 hours for a wedding or event which they aren't invited to = no.

Ratbagratty · 07/01/2019 10:22

Could you not make this into a long weekend, if sil cannot put you up, could the ILS? You stay with the kids, hotel/Airbnb/ILS and DH goes to awards. Next day a day out with the ILS/sil then go home that night or stay another.

I think there is a compromise to be made here.

Original poster
brookshelley · 07/01/2019 10:25

The event is midweek and we both work so can’t really make a holiday of it.

OP posts:
Original poster
brookshelley · 07/01/2019 10:27

I don't understand why people in this country are so obsessed with an inflexible and early bed time for their kids, it sounds like it makes your life so difficult - and doesn't allow any lay-in until they are teenagers. If that's your routine and you are happy with it, you don't have to change it.

I’m not obsessed with a routine. My 3 year old wakes up 6:30 to my chagrin and so is wiped out by 7. 1 year old is way more flexible but still needs 2 naps a day.

OP posts:
Holidayshopping · 07/01/2019 10:30

MIL/SIL in particularly are highly emotional

You don’t get your own way by having a big strop.

Don’t go-they can’t make you.

If they are going to be emotional about it-I wouldn’t even try to make any compromises.

ChodeofChodeHall · 07/01/2019 10:31

Would there not be a quicker way to get there? Five hours in a car is a bit much for anyone.

sue51 · 07/01/2019 10:34

YANBU. A 5 hour trip with 2 little ones is no fun I wouldn't do it just to attend what sounds like an adult event. Send DH.

mummmy2017 · 07/01/2019 10:36

Just to the that is not going to work for us..
We hope you have a FAB. Time, and send flowers.
Look a 10 hour journey for us and to travel back in 24 or 48 hours just won't work for us....

Santaisfastasleepatlast · 07/01/2019 10:38

Sounds like an ideal opportunity to show mil she doesn't call the shots regarding your dc.

Mousewithascarf · 07/01/2019 10:40

That sounds ridiculous. Why on earth do they want a 3 and a 1 year old to be present? It’s going to be utterly meaningless to two tiny children and all they’re going to be is probably tired out and bored witless. DH should go and the rest of you stay put.

PickledChutney · 07/01/2019 10:40

The irony of your SIL gaining a Professional Award yet hugely unprofessionally wanting children to attend the award presentation!! JUST SAY NO OP!! Her colleagues and peers will think it's ridiculous for small children to attend and she'll look a fool, as will you and your DH. A professional award ceremony is no place for children.

needanappp · 07/01/2019 10:40

I see, so they want your children there. When your IL's say they "want to see DCs", do they not see them regularly anyway? If they do then they are being ridiculous. They can see DC's anytime, why do they need to attend this event? If not, then maybe their request is a little more understandable but ultimately your decision to make with regards to what is best for your DCs.

SissySpacekAteMyHamster · 07/01/2019 10:41

It's a ridiculous ask and if they can't see that then that's their issue.

I would be doing a 5 hour trip with 2 so small for an overnight trip. If there were the chance of a few days stay then it would be doable, but why should you have your holidays dictated.

Send your DH alone.

DearTeddyRobinson · 07/01/2019 10:41

Ugh. We had a very similar situation last year, DCs were 1 & 4. DH went on his own, as I wasn't dragging the kids halfway across the country to an adult event. He's just about hearing the end of it now from the ILs. Meh. Our kids, our decision

Shitmewithyourrhythmstick · 07/01/2019 10:42

DC need time with GPs and it's nice for DH to be at Dsis big event, but I don't see how anyone benefits by attempting to combine the two. I think PILs are thinking it's a long drive so kill two birds with one stone, but if you can only stay one day then there's no point whatsoever.

If there were any possibility of you both getting annual leave I'd probably do it though, since you're incurring petrol costs already.