to say we're not dragging DC to this event?

[brookshelley]

PILs and SIL are asking us to drive to visit SIL for a major work event where she is getting an award. A huge professional achievement. However,

• it's an adults event not a family event.
• it's a 5 hour drive away
• DC are 3 and 1

The event is in the afternoon followed by a reception and dinner in the evening. DCs bedtime is 7:30 PM and become tired and cranky by 6:30 if they're not winding down by that point. So in practice, DH would attend and I'd be with the children at a hotel (SIL lives in a 1 bed flat so can't host us). In which case what is the point of bringing them at all.

ILs are upset as they want to see DGCs and are acting like I am being difficult.

DH agrees with me but his MIL/SIL in particularly are highly emotional and is avoiding discussing it further as they've both given him a huge moan about it already and he's tired of listening.

AIBU?

WOULDN'T be doing a 5 hour trip.

Sorry! Need my glasses when on here and they have been mislaid.

When exactly do they think they will see these young grandchildren?

At an evening meal in a hotel?!

Hmm, they haven't insisted that you go, have they? So don't. If your OH wants to go, that's fine. If he wants to take the children, then that's fine too. I'd back right off and let him decide, then he can justify it to PIL. I suspect he will choose not to take the little ones, but then you're not being the bad guy

I agree with PickledChutney. Not only would your SIL look foolish there is a risk that the children won't be allowed in.

I have never been able to understand why people get so guilt tripped by their families. I would just put my foot down and say that it isn't going to happen. Your husband can go on his own.

Why can't he just go alone and you stay at home? His family sound very unreasonable, why does it matter if the children are there if they can't go to the actual event.

Unless she is winning a Nobel Prize or (or a Brit, that would be fun) I don't see why any of you have to go. Industry dinners are boring, they are networking events and would be dull for someone who doesn't work in the industry or know anyone. SIL's moment will be a few minutes in hours of tedium. You DH would need to take two days off work and pay for a hotel and presumably a place at the table. Tell her to film it.

People are so self indulgent.

“Hey, you lot, yes you! I want attention and for you to massively inconvenience yourself for me. Do it or I’ll be upset.”

How can anyone expect anyone to attend some work awards do in a midweek hundreds of miles away? Utterly ridiculous.

Yes a pp is right back off don't make it about you not allowing let their dad deal with it.

Five hours drive?
Adult only event?
And midweek?

Ridiculous.

I don't even see why your DH should go. Is SIL an attention seeker by any chance? I think you should all decline and wish her well. And do not feel bad about it.

"ILs are upset as they want to see DGCs and are acting like I am being difficult."

But their son isn't ?

Are they frequently not allowed to see their GC such that they are desperate for any contact??

It's obviously ridiculous for you & the kids to go imo!

Any chance of a babysitter for the kids at home so that you & husband can make a night of it??!!

YANBU. So it sounds like your children aren't actually invited to the event itself? PIL/SIL just want them to come and hang around the hotel while they all attend the event. That seems a bit pointless and a waste of annual leave for you/your dh. Midweek weddings are bad enough, but I can't imagine wanting to use precious AL to drive 5 hours so that your dh can attend alone because you and your children aren't invited.

I think it's a lovely gesture if your dh wants to be there for his SIL (though I'd be mighty embarrassed to know my family was taking off work and travelling just to see me get some professional award, I personally wouldn't really deem that worthy of their time unless said family are retired with nothing better to do or are local and can just pop in for an hour or so). But seems silly for you to sit in a hotel alone just on the principle of being nearby.

Congrats to your SIL! Sounds like a major achievement! Can your DH go with a homemade congratulations card from the DCs? Or can you make a later weekend of it with a more FF event planned where your SIL's achievement can be recognised?

What the fuck?

Ignore the silly moos. DH can go on his own. I don't see that there's anything more to discuss.

Doesn't allow a lay-in...*
*
Putting DCs to bed late doesn't automatically give you a lay-in. My DC goes to bed at 7.30 and is up by 7. With a 9.30 bedtime you might get an extra 15mins if you're lucky, then the rest of the day it would be like living with a psychopath. There's a reason parents like to keep to a bedtime routine - they know their kids and what works for them.

OP, stay home and send DH. MIL/SIL are being selfish.

Do you really need to ask? You and your dh are in agreement that you're not going so what's the problem?

I cannot think of anything more boring.
So SIL is getting an award and wants her ego stroked even more so that people can coo over her nephew / niece(s).
Then you have to sit in a hotel room during the adult bit.

I’m surprised you even need to ask.

Send DH alone and say you'll come up with the DC to visit when it's convenient for you all.

I want to know more about what this award is, and why she wants you all to be there.

Is it usual for awardees to have so many guests?

People getting OBEs don't insist on their whole family attending.

People getting OBEs don't insist on their whole family attending.

I collected my PhD in the winter graduation so I could sneak my (adult) children in; you get two tickets, but winter's quiet and there were plenty of spares. But in my previous professional life I got a couple of industry awards, and it never occurred to me to even ask about guest tickets; I've never seen anyone with their partner and even less their parents, siblings, nephews and nieces at such an event. You'd just look unhinged.

An acquaintance's father got a Nobel Prize, and he went to see him collect it. But in so many Nobel Prizes are sui generis.

But in so many way Nobel Prizes are sui generis

I cannot think of anything more boring.

Children's birthday parties for anyone but the doting parents?

So SIL is getting an award and wants her ego stroked

MIAW! Why should she not want recognition? Good on her! I agree that the event is not FF and that the OP should not attend, but this is just bitchy.

Not one part of it would make say yes. It’s lovely that SIL is getting an award, but a bit self absorbed to think at minimum-
-Petrol for a 10 hour round trip
-2 days annual leave
-hotel stay
Is a requirement from a sibling!
And the additional -
-bring a baby and preschooler to an adult event
-pay extra for a family hotel room
-extra 2 days annual leave for OP
and for me the highlight
-OP having to spend the evening in a hotel room, lights out with the children trying to sleep!
By all means DH can choose to go and celebrate his sisters achievements but I feel like it would have to be some amazing award for that trip!

Sounds like she's done extremely well, and the family must be very proud of her. However driving (more than?) half way across the country for it, particularly with such young children is ridiculous. Is it the type of event where people will have lots of family members along? If so, your DH could attend.

You could also send her a nice congratulations card and suggest a date for her and your PIL to visit, see the DGC, and open a bottle of bubbly to celebrate her success.

There's no special request for your presence? Who do they think will look after the dc then?

Are the grandparents/SIL expecting the children to attend the afternoon bit (which is presumably the actual presentation)?

It doesn't sound like a winning plan tbh, would your DH go on his own?