Aibu thinking my parents should pay

[PigsInSlankets]

For themselves on my birthday? I don't expect them to fork out on my dinner or my dh/dc. But its a 'milestone' birthday and I don't think it's fair to expect me to pay for themselves and their families.

Attending are myself, DD, DH.
My DMis bringing 2 DBros and DGM
My DF is bringing DSM, 2DBros and 1DSis.

They suggested going for dinner to celebrate, and now they've both said they're unwilling to pay. It's been booked for months and they've told me they don't want to pay when it's only 2 weeks away.

I hope you and your husband and DD have a lovely time together. You did the right thing and showed both your parents that you are not their doormat. Also. You now know to be crystal clear up front with any arrangments involving you and your parents in future.
Your mother's response was really unkind - a good example of how not to parent. Please don't let it spoil your celebration. Forget about cake and wine for the other relatives after coming home from your lovely day out. I can't see how it could add to your celebration and may just spoil they day, perhaps you could move it to another day.
I can only say it is a good thing that your mother doesnt turn up to the cake/wine as it sounds like she would do her best to show off her displeasure and make you feel awful. A lucky escape.
You have your own lovely family now and your other relatives have to treat you considerately or be less involved. Good luck with your birthday. spend some of the money you would have spent on ungrateful relatives on your birthday treats.

Cancel them. they should be paying for themselves and throwing in for yours too.

This has elements of softzilla about it.... that started off with someone being invited and thought the other person should pay

I hope you have a lovely birthday op

So pleased you have cancelled for your extended family, do have a lovely dinner with your husband and daughter. Much nicer.

The issue of who pays or doesn’t is clearly different for different families or friendship groups. But you didn’t ever have the intention of paying for everyone, and in fact you couldn’t pay for it and your parents are frankly appalling for suggesting it. Do have a fabulous meal. Don’t think about your parents for one moment.

And Pa10ma, I’m sorry that your parents have imposed so much on you, they seem to be taking their ‘culture’ to heights or depths of pettiness. A friend is from the Indian subcontinent, and she has just paid for her family, her adult children and their families to go on a fully paid holiday, so - as in this country - one rule does not fit all!

Have you heard from any of the others, @PigsInSlankets?

Don’t go. It’s not worth the aggravation & upset. Have a small gathering at home with wine, nibbles & cake. A lot less stress all around.

You + Dh = 2 All the others = 9. I know who I think should be paying and it certainly isn't you. YANBU. Cancel and do your own thing. Happy Birthday when it comes.

Have a Happy Birthday OP!!! 🎂🎂🎂

(Sorry your family is full of cunts.)

*cheap cunts

What a horrid response from your mum

Speechless with rage on your behalf OP. I hope you have a lovely day with your DH and DD. I'd go NC with immediate effect and with no explanation and no regrets. But then I got hurt so often in the past from stuff like this that I've become a hard bitch now. Nobody gets a second chance to treat me like shit, ever.

Wow, what an awful attitude from your mum, well done you for standing up to her. Has she always been like this? Seriously, she must have realised that you wouldn't have been able to afford to cover the bill for so many people!

You really will be happier just going out with your DH and DD.

Invite versus suggest is key....

To be honest, if you're inviting people, if you can't afford it - perhaps you host at home...

I got into habit of everyone paying separately when I was a student... Which was OK.

But.... Several times I've had to refuse an invite for rich relatives 'significant birthdays, simply as the price for 2 of us would be best part of 300£....

It's really not classy to invite people to swanky restaurants and then get difficult when they refuse the invite... This hs happened to me...

No one would expect to pay for their food at a wedding.... You're 'invited'!!

IamtheDevilsAvacado if you read the OP’s comments you will see she didn’t suggest the event at all. It was one of her family...

I'd just say to them "I'd love for you to be there but I can't afford to pay for you so you will have to cover your own bill. Please let me know if you will be attending or not ASAP so I know if I need to change the booking at the restaurant"

I think anyone who assumes someone else is paying for their meal at a restaurant is a CF, regardless of the circumstances. Even when I’ve been invited to birthday meals worded “i’d Love it if you’d come and celebrate with me”, I’ve always expected to pay for myself and happily done so. To expect anything else is entitled CFuckery.

OP, your parents sound like scrounging bastards. Spend your birthday with people who don’t put you in these situations.

Even when I’ve been invited to birthday meals worded “i’d Love it if you’d come and celebrate with me”, I’ve always expected to pay for myself

But that's the wording used when friends are expected to pay for themselves.

My point is, it doesn’t matter what wording’s used. If you order a meal off a restaurants menu you should bloody well pay for it yourself unless someone has told you in no uncertain terms that it’s on them.

theyve suggested it they should pay also the other guests could chip in for youre meal. if no one willing to pay cancel and just you and hubby go out.

If anything they should to offer to pay for you as it's your birthday. Very stingy

I would be sooo tempted to say calmly to him the next time he rants at you about it: "I'm just making detailed notes and keeping copies of all texts, emails and CMS correspondence you've submitted so one day I can confirm to darling child what a dick his father was when he was growing up and needed things and time with his dad.." And smile sweetly.

baffled

Wrong thread. Oops.

You have my sympathy, they suck.

Contact everyone and say "due to unforeseen circumstances you will have to cancel the meal, apologies".

Then go out with hubby and kids (If you have them).

You're an adult and you don't need to live your life to please others so do it sooner rather than later.

I dare say your parents are banking on you not having the guts to do it, so surprise them.

It sounds like they need a lesson or 2.

What shits, expecting you to pay for dinner for 12 which they requested to “celebrate” your birthday.