Mum's DH half naked on my sofa?

[kitchencurios]

For a few reasons (largely to their benefit), DM and her DH live with me and DC's (in mine and DH's home). My DH works away a lot.

This is a reasonably new set up and I'm sure they are gritting their teeth as much as I am as we navigate our way through communal living as an extended family. We do however have quite different standards and I don't agree with/like a lot of her DH's behaviour. E.g. pretty lazy around the house, slovenly, makes no effort to chat etc.

Tonight he has built some new furniture in their room. He came down to the lounge once or twice, sweaty, no top on. I don't want to see that but turned a blind eye, he's obviously just a bit warm.

The furniture is now finished. He has been strutting around the kitchen, topless and sweaty.

Now he's all sunken into my sofa, still topless.

I have walked out the room, too chicken to say anything but too cross/grossed out to stay in the room.

AIBU to feel rather livid at this behaviour? He has a skin condition and I appreciate he might be feeling uncomfortable but this only adds to the grimness of it all.

My DM has said nothing but I highly doubt she thinks I'd tolerate this.

I'm hiding in my bedroom like the sulking teen when this is MY home! They pay a small rent, so yes, their home too.... but IABU to this this isn't on??

Thoughts while I find some balls please!

So they’ve been pissing their wages on holidays instead of finding a place to live because they think they’ll get a council house? Lovely.
No they won’t get one especially if you’re in London - that screenshot shows the borough you’re in just in case you didn’t want that known.

Thanks LtJudy I've reported. D'oh.

But yes, I hardly support their plans (or lack of). I'm going to speak to the council myself and do some research re private rentals/deposits further afield and present some options for them when we have a chat. X

I wonder if Trevor's mother had enough of naked sweaty Trevor on her sofa and that's why it ended badly at her house?

Trevor is taking the piss
your mother is letting him take the piss
therefore your mother is taking the piss via Trevor
Or she is working through Trevor to passive aggressively take the piss

They should both piss off ASAP

I think it's very unlikely they will get a council place if they are both earning and have a roof over their heads living in your family home which isn't 'overcrowded'. I have friends on a low income, born in our borough with a new baby and they are currently having to live in a B&B which costs more than our privately rented flat because if they leave they lose their place on the waiting list/drop down priority bands. It's apparently an 11 year wait here, even for high priority bands.

definitely won't get housed by the council. They're already housed. That's how council housing works....

Also OP....why on earth are you babying two grown adults by phoning the council? They won't house them you know. Majority of councils are under enormous pressure...HUGE housing shortage in the UK.

Two working and fit adults living with family are the least of their worries. They have children living in B&Bs to consider. Your Mum and her DH need to save a deposit for a private let and then move in.

If they have bad credit, they will need to save 6 months rent upfront and then they may find someone willing to take a risk.

Please say something OP. He sounds like a waster and an entitled one at that!
What does DH think or say when he is home? Is the partner better behaved then?
I ask because my sister brought her loser boyfriend to live with my parents.
He was all good when my dad was there but one day reduced my mum to tears as she thought she was being pushed out of her own kitchen while him and sis cooked foul things and left a mess.
Made me so angry I told my dad and they got 6 weeks to get out.

You see them as living with you. But perhaps by them living there while you and your family were abroad, they now see it as you living with them. A bit of a muddled situation, but one that definitely needs discussing, with an end date set. Good luck.

Why would they save now when they haven't before? Seen any signs of them massively cutting back?

OP you are subsidising their lifestyle massively, they have no reason atall to change this situation, you have given them cart blanche to live cheap as chips in your home, whilst they are still taking extravegant expensive holidays. They will never move out because that would cost them more money, you have made a mistake in allowing this agreement to have an 18 month deadline, it should have been 6 months or less.

You need to move the goal posts and stop spoon feeding them, TELL them it’s not a suitable arrangement now, they need to move out. You having a huge home is irrelevant, everyone needs their own boundaries and your Mum’s DH does not respect them.

You will find company in Toddler groups etc with other Mums.

Why would you search properties for them? Are they morons? Or do you know they won't? Or maybe they will lie about what's available so you feel guilty and let them stay? Just like they lied about social housing being available to them in 18 months.

Problem is, I genuinely don't think my DM sets about this in a calculated or CF way. She herself was a victim of DV, she's had a hard life raising three of us as a single parent in and out of council places, trying to make a good living for herself. She's getting older and is dreadfully naive, but her DH is such a half wit he doesn't have a clue either. It's the blind leading the blind. When I was working, this would have been a mutually beneficial relationship, but that's not really the case now.

I'm not trying to spoon feed them but they are certainly drifting along with no viable housing plan. If I can get my own clarity on the social housing situation alongside a rough idea of what a private rental will cost then I can encourage them to start getting their deposit together.

Morons then

Ah well, that's probably the easiest to deal with.

Have you considered the possibility that her DH is a CF though? She might not be actively planning to sponge off you forever but he might. He might expect both of you to wait on him hand and foot when living with you.

An entitled selfish man who sees women as servants will feel quite happy taking advantage of your cheap rent, do no cleaning, never cook you a meal, sit half naked on your sofa, not fall over himself to thank you for being so kind as to let him live in your house and for cheap too. He won't want to leave. Ever.

Oh dear, living with family is HARD work but imo YANBU that's grim, sweaty people on my sofa makes me feel sick

My apologies if I've got this wrong, or missed something - perhaps by living in your house while you were abroad, Trevor has come to think of it as his? He's certainly marking 'his' territory with his scent....(yuck, yuck, yuck)

If we'd moved back into the old house, possibly this pp. But this is a new house, definitely ours and not theirs. They know that, loud and clear.... it's why I'm so amazed by the topless strut.

He’s 60. That’s a couple of years older than my dh. We have an 8 year old. We both work.
Sorry Trev, you need a new plan. And a shirt,

Just had to find out which half was naked.
🎾🎾
🍆

You need to establish the ground rules. Read the thread about weird things about other peoples houses and you will realize that everyone has their bench mark about what is normal/acceptable. Whilst not pleasant, I opened the thread thinking Trevor was in a g-string. I don't find it that offensive that he took his top off for a while. I would be much more concerned about the likely reality that your DM and Trev will be living in your house in 18 years months time.

I can't understand why they can't get a rental deposit together when they have decent salaries and no dependents?

When she finally jacks work in they will I imagine be eligible for some kind of social housing. They apparently need 5 years in the borough before they are eligible. They've done 3.5 already (in our last place), 18 months to go...

This is arrant nonsense, all of it.

They have to establish a local connection to get on their local homemove list. That is usually 12-24 months living in an area at the most. Certainly not 5 years.
Once you apply for homemove you get allocated a priority banding. They would be unlikely to get above Band C because they aren't homeless. In my area it's an average of 8 years for band C to get housed.

They need to go into private rental. Soon. This set up is ridiculous.

micesqueakcatsmeow eeeeuuuwwww...😂

5 years!

england.shelter.org.uk/legal/homelessness_applications/local_connection#0

I agree that their chances of getting housed by the council any time soon are very slim, although being 60+ is a slight advantage as it means they'll be eligible for properties in schemes for older people. Really they need to start saving for rent in advance, deposit and fees.

They could try registering online with Places For People. It's a way into housing association places for tenants who are in work. Just had a quick look, and there's a flat in London N1 available for £640 a month.

They're a reputable outfit, a couple of colleagues have got places through them.