How old is too old?

[Dartilla]

To become a parent?

My DH is older than me and I wondered if a general consensus even existed about how old is too old to become a dad, or even a mum?

Is there an age where it becomes selfish to have a baby? I'm trying to get my own opinions straight, as naturally I think each to their own, but then I wonder if there's a line?

Does age matter? Would you personally have a 'cut off' age, as such?

45 for a father is ok. But don't leave it much longer if you do want children, they are exhausting!

As a woman and a mother I personally wouldn't consider going through pregnancy after 40.

Best of luck too you

Mind you people will judge you for anything, too young too old, working too much not working enough. Welcome to motherhood, basically, your decisions are open to comment by all and sundry.

I had DD at 43 - best thing EVER!

Had first baby at 36 and 3 weeks before DH's 50th. Pregnant again now at 37.
DH is very active and doesn't look or feel his age. He's an amazing dad and does everything and more that other dads do.
If I wasn't having such a awful time being pregnant second time around then I'm sure we'd have a third.

OP, don't worry- do what feels right for you both.

Friend had her first at 46. She found it hard. Shes a single Mum too as the Dad (a very young toyboy) wanted no involvement.

I think it's the same age as the current cut off for adoption. Obviously the best for the child.
It's cruel to leave a child orphaned and selfish if you have planned this.
I feel so strongly because I met a few children like this growing up, and there for the grace of god go I.

40 (me) and 48 (him). We are both fit and healthy plus we look young for our age. My mum is late 70s and is always jetsetting around the world, still works and has no intention of stopping. She was 36 when she had me I've just realised, I think that was considered quite old back then.

37-38 tops. I agree with pp, that anything over 40 is selfish, and not fair on the child.

Op I got married at your current age and had 3 kids. You are definitely not too old.

@Dartilla my dad is 61 and raising 3 grandchildren one being a toddler, he finds it difficult but i think teenagers at 60 would be perfectly fine....

I think any babies after 50 for a man or woman is a no no, i had a friend at school i always had to stick up for, the 'boys' called her dad a pedophile because he was 73 and when she was 11, it was cruel and he died not long after ...

Newyorkdoll3 I’d better go and wake ds2 up and apologise to him for his life. Oh no I won’t as you are talking shite. Ds2 was meant to be born before I was 40 - recurrent miscarriage got in the way and we (and his big brother too) were overjoyed to welcome him to our family even though I was then on the wrong side of 40. I am not planning to be unable to look after him any time soon, and to be fair life can throw a curveball at you at any age.

I think 44 for a woman, because that's the age my mum had me, her youngest, and 50 for a man, because a good friend's father had his youngest at 50 and he's a great dad. But obviously everyone will have a different answer.

Biology is a factor for woman, but I think a woman could be a great adoptive mother up til about 50 too (ie 50yrs older than the child, so could adopt a 5yo at 55 etc).

I personally won't be having any children at 44 though because my first child will be 20 then

NewYorkDoll3
Newyorkdoll3
37-38 tops. I agree with pp, that anything over 40 is selfish, and not fair on the child.

My parents both had me over 40, and I literally can't think of one single way it has negatively impacted me. Not a single one. What a ridiculous comment.

Imagine being that small minded, how embarrassing.

www.google.ca/amp/s/www.spectrumnews.org/news/link-parental-age-autism-explained/amp

I’d heard that the risk of autism increases with paternal age.

I'm pregnant at 33 with my first and still feel young I didn't even contemplate it before 30 (and I was in no way ready to give a child the type of life I wanted for them in my 20s or to make the sacrifices needed). My mum was 32 when she had me so almost following same path!

Certainly in my social group, 30s-40s seems to be the most common time to have kids, and there are quite a few older dads.

Yep, my DD is top of the class and trilingual. No problems at all with older Dad, late 30's Mum. Bit skinny, that's it. But she eats like a horse.

But, I still think mid 40's old from an energy point of view for the Mum. OP I repeat, you are young!

"Selfish" is imo such a strange word to use in this scenario.

I suppose I personally think that the truly optimal age range for a mother especially is quite narrow, early thirties really, at this sort of age you've got rid of most of your youthful daftness but are just about young enough to get through the really exhaustive phase of parenting with a reasonable amount of your youthful energy left.

But so little in life is optimal. OP's circumstances don't sound too child unfriendly to me.

Being dead is probably too old.

Other than that if you can appropriately care for your child, then good for you.

My dad was 40 when I was born and was too old IMO.

Spent while childhood getting taken the piss out of and people thinking he was my grandad.

*whole

My dad was one week short of his 60th birthday when I was born . I grew up without him as he died when I was 6. To be fair, 66 is not that old (as in predicting that someone will not be around) but health issues do generally become more prevalent with age.

anything over 40 for a female is very hard; I don't think it is wrong by the way, just the energy levels are so different.

I'm 34 and haven't even found a man yet

I'm 41 and have a 3 year old. It's much more tiring than when I was 24 or even 37 with a 3 year old. The big 4-0 seems to be a bit of a landmark energy wise.

As someone whose father was 45 and mother 41 when they had me, I always swore I'd never have kids past late thirties. Growing up my Dad was regularly mistaken for my grandad, and now I'm in my mid 30s and he's almost 80 and has had dementia for a long time. My mother can barely do anything for herself and relies on me massively, while I feel like I've barely got my life started. It's very difficult, especially when I see my friends with parents who are still fit and healthy.

I know it depends on the people concerned, and in my case I had a somewhat dysfunctional upbringing, but as a child I used to regularly wish my parents were younger. I was genuinely scared of them dying, and I was only in my late teens when Dad started showing the early signs of dementia.

I'm not judging anyone as we all have to work within our own circumstances, but I'm just giving a perspective of how it can feel from the child's point of view.