I think the situation is sad. I have sympathy for the man as his ex wife cheated and cuckolded him.
However I feel more sorry for the sons. They grew up with a man they loved and cared for as their father. This same man now says this:
‘You don’t know what’s real and what isn’t – it’s as if I’m living in The Matrix,’ he said. ‘Someone says to you, “All that you know and everything you thought to be solid and true is not real, and never did exist. You are not a father, you are not able to have kids, your name will not continue.”
Regardless of whether the man is blood related to his children, surely he loves them and had a good father son relationship with them all? Surely this bond would qualify him as a father even if he isn't biologically. The sons don't know any other father figure besides him. They would have continued his 'name' even if not by blood.
And then there's this:
‘And when friends post things on Facebook about their own families like their first grandchild or saying they’re proud of their boy for something, I just think, “My God, that’s all been taken away from me.”
Personally, this hasn't been taken away from the man just because his sons aren't biologically his. Isn't love more important than blood?
The man focuses so much on biological relations that I wonder how his sons feel about the man they call Dad saying the things above and these quotes which are not likely to repair the relationship between father and sons:
‘It’s like suffering a bereavement, it’s incredible, but in a way it’s even worse than that because it goes to the very heart of who you think you are. When someone asks you about your background, you tell them you’re the father of three children – it’s how you define yourself.
‘In an instant I discovered I didn’t really have any children.'
‘How are you going to tell your friends and family – parents, aunties and uncles that they do not have grandchildren or nephews?’
It seems that the man has difficulty in differentiating between being a Dad and a father and this must be hurtful to his sons too:
‘I’m not their father, I know that, but I’m still their dad. When I talk about them with other people, naturally, after 21 years, I say “my sons”, then I have to stop and correct myself and say, “the sons I thought were mine”.
‘It’s different if you adopt or foster a child. That’s been done out of choice without any deceit or lies. In this case, because there has been deception it eats away at you.
‘I’m not their father – I’m not even a friend of the family. I’m just a guy who was there when they were being brought up.’
‘I told him I’d just been diagnosed with cystic fibrosis, which he took surprisingly calmly, and I said, “Yes, but one of the things that I’ve just been told is that it is extremely unlikely that someone with cystic fibrosis could father a child.”
‘He said, “I’m already ahead of you, Dad. You’re saying you’re probably not my father?”
‘It would have been the hardest sentence to utter, and he did it for me.
‘I said, “Well, I’m your dad, obviously, but I don’t think I conceived you.”
Then there's these quotes which suggest despite the paternity issues, the sons did/ do still see their Dad as their Dad:
''The eldest, however, refused to provide a DNA sample, saying, ‘As far as I’m concerned he’s my dad and that’s that.’ ''
''Though two of the boys still maintain a stony silence towards him, Richard was overjoyed to receive a text from the third last month, which began: ‘Dad, as I explained from the beginning you would never not be dad to me regardless of all this. Of course I’ll stay in touch, that will never change… I’m always here for you too and you will always be Dad. Love you x.’ ''
I hope the relationship between father and sons improves but this article is unlikely to have helped things. It suggests the man doesn't truly think his sons are his own because of the focus on blood relations and this is a shame as you don't need to be blood related to be a fantastic father. I wonder if the sons feel let down by their Dad based on this and the article that has been published. I also wonder if it's ok to publish a family photo of sons as children with the man and his ex wife? Is there a consent issue here? At time of writing the sons faces were not blurred out in the article.
This part is more reconciliatory:
''Looking ahead, Richard, whose persistent cough is the only clue to his declining lung capacity, now wants one thing more than ever – to be the boys’ ‘dad’ once more.
‘If I could wave a magic wand, I would want to be in all their lives,’ he said.''
Ultimately I hope everyone in the story involved finds peace and a happy resolution. There are no winners in this situation.