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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

What do you make of this DM story

228 replies

Stepmum3 · 06/01/2019 13:05

www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-6561079/Millionaire-reveals-moment-doctor-told-father-three-adored-boys.html#comments-6561079

Basically a man finds out after 21 years he couldn’t of possibly fathered his three boys he knew as sons due to being diagnosed with cystic fibrosis. Then sued his Ex wife for the CSA and walked away with 250k. He had paid her 4 million and maintenance following their divorce. Two of the boys no longer talk to him 1 saying if you sue mum I won’t talk to you again.

I get the anger and hurt caused by this however the value of the boys he placed at 250k. What will the money bring back I feel nothing. A real sad story and upsetting for all involved. Although, I do think the wife is a bit of a cunt.

OP posts:
Oliversmumsarmy · 06/01/2019 20:33

Nothing, nothing will ever bring back what he had

Nothing will but he chose this route knowing the consequences

Littlebird88 · 06/01/2019 20:38

he seem a.v selfish what about these poor kids who ok were teenagers perhaps when they were told.
Maybe it's the ways it's written but nothing mentioned about how sad he feels for them .
As usual I suspect there's more to the story.
and also it happened years ago why is he going to the media now

NWQM · 06/01/2019 20:45

One article says he is writing a book

NWQM · 06/01/2019 20:45

One article says he is writing a book

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/01/2019 20:45

Did he only go for the £250k though? That was the settlement. Did he actually try & overturn the whole divorce settlement but find that the only fraud was the child support payments

I don’t have to be a lawyer to know that all he would get might be anything he has paid for after the divorce for the children.

If you work it out they divorced in 2007 and up until he won his case between 3 children with private school fees and maintenance it doesn’t sound a lot per year he was paying out.

The 13 year old would have had 5 years of maintenance to bring him up to 18

The twins would have had 10 years each

So he was paying £10,000 per year per child.

They must have gone to awfully cheap private schools.

It doesn’t add up

Meralia · 06/01/2019 20:49

What a nasty man! Hurting his sons in such a way. They must be devastated to be dropped like a stone after he realised they weren’t biologically his!

There’s more to this than meets the eye. If they’re asking for their mother not to be sued, they may understand her reasons, which we don’t know.

crispysausagerolls · 06/01/2019 21:41

I can’t believe the sons sided with the mother

GlitterStick · 06/01/2019 21:44

what a nasty man hurting his sons on such a way

Erm, that goes for the woman as well who didn't seem to give a shit about who the dad was or wasn't and made the whole sorry mess in the first place.

Oliversmumsarmy · 06/01/2019 21:46

thebaronetofcockburn

Are you saying that if you found out that your children were switched at birth and the children you had loved from the day of their birth and raised as your own would be out on their ears.

Just wow.

I couldn’t imagine cutting off my dc whatever happened. I actually like them and they are my friends.

CarolDanvers · 06/01/2019 21:57

can’t believe the sons sided with the mother

Well that makes me wonder what kind of a father he was over the years actually and also what life was like in the family home.

DinoDave · 06/01/2019 22:11

I don’t think he’s bothered at all about the loss of the relationships he had.

The fact that he talks about complying with the demands of the child support agency suggests he was paying the least he could.

The way it’s worded leads me to think he didn’t spend much time letting the news sink in before telling the oldest son.

The fact he’s pretty much openly casting the kids out and talking of being childless. In reality, would you do that if you found out your kids weren’t yours?

Then choosing to splash the kids faces all over the media.

Everything about that article screams what a stingy, cold and heartless arsehole that man is IMO. I suspect there is a LOT more behind the scenes that nobody knows and that he was probably an emotionally detached and/or abusive prick.

I judge the fuck out of him more for his actions since finding out than I do the mother for her actual actions that caused this.

RebelWitchFace · 07/01/2019 07:13

Nothing huge like a full blown affair but occasionally getting together for comfort.

Waitung to see similar comments when a man cheats on his wife .

longwayoff · 07/01/2019 07:54

Disgusting woman. 21 years of deception and she still wont tell them who they were conceived with. Revolting behaviour. Poor boys, they must be very confused and betrayed and not a reliable parent to turn to.

Purplecatshopaholic · 07/01/2019 08:14

That woman is an absolute disgrace. Disgusting behaviour. Those poor kids!

Rufusthebewilderedreindeer · 07/01/2019 08:29

Waitung to see similar comments when a man cheats on his wife

Unless exactly the same people on this thread making those comments are on that thread its a bit pointless waiting

Racecardriver · 07/01/2019 08:35

I think it depends on why they divorced and why the kids ended up with her. If he fought tooth and nail to keep his family together/get custody of the kids then I think it’s reasonable but being a shitty only to realise that you aren’t actually the father doesn’t really make this ok.

JustMabel · 07/01/2019 08:46

I suspect there is a LOT more behind the scenes that nobody knows

I agree. He's now, apparently, offering £5,000 "reward" to anyone who can give him the identity of the boys' bio-dad. He's an utter tool.

I'm in no way defending the mother's actions but we haven't heard her side of the story and we don't know what she has told the boys and how they feel. Basically, it's none of our business.

Jaxtellerswife · 07/01/2019 08:47

Ugh, this thread.
Woman is conned for 20 years: condemn the man, he's a woman hating liar like all men

Man is conned for 20 years: condemn the man, he's a woman hating liar like all men.
And a fool apparently
Yes, I imagine he does feel a fool after all this time. Poor bloke

Oliversmumsarmy · 07/01/2019 08:48

Nothing huge like a full blown affair but occasionally getting together for comfort

This comment was in light of the dh saying it was a cold and loveless marriage.

If you are married in a cold and loveless marriage and the other party agrees the marriage isn't good but for some reason won't divorce then I can see why someone would look elsewhere.

JustMabel · 07/01/2019 08:54

Good article by Daily Mail's Sarah Vine

Genevieva · 07/01/2019 08:57

I think he was brave to bring the fraud case. It is clear that she got a more generous settlement because they had three children and that she knew these children were not his. Money never changes the hurt from the past, whether it is in a negligence claim, a fraud claim or anything else. It does set a legal example though and provide some sense of validity to the wronged party's sense of grievance.

With regards to his settlement, the school fees were paid in a lump sum at the time of divorce. After that he paid £30,000 a year after tax. To take home that much, his ex wife would have to earn £40,000 a year, which is quite a good annual salary. This would be about 50K of his higher rate post-tax income. Add in day school fees (almost certainly a minimum of £15K per child per year of post-tax income, so an equivalent of a gross income of 65K/year, this means that she was receiving the equivalent of £115,000 per year from him in children's maintenance and school fees alone, after also having received a very generous divorce settlement that made her rich enough never to need to work again. Had they divorced without children and with her being honest about her infidelity, she would have been given a fraction of what she received, so she did very well out of her deception.

Furthermore, her affairs meant that his infertility was never investigated and his cystic fibrosis diagnosis was delayed by more than 20 years. This means that he was denied the opportunity of receiving treatment that would have help preserve his health and slow the progress of the disease. He was also denied the opportunity to have his own genetic offspring if he wanted to.

None of the above changes the fact that he clearly loves his boys and is their legal parent. However, that emotion should not get in the way of recognising that this woman committed a crime and is jolly lucky to have got away with a £250,000 out of court settlement.

JustMabel · 07/01/2019 08:57

Woman is conned for 20 years: condemn the man, he's a woman hating liar like all men

No-one on this thread has said any such thing.

I have said he's a fool for throwing away the relationship with the sons he claims to love. He is a fool - and worse.

ShatnersWig · 07/01/2019 08:59

The woman is despicable. And still won't tell the three kids who their biological father is when clearly she knows and knew full well that ONE man, not her husband, fathered these children because of the middle name issue. I can't find the words for her.

I'm afraid if I was eldest son, I'd be wanting absolutely nothing to do with my mum who is clearly a lying, manipulative, deceitful and selfish cow of the first order.

Lizzie48 · 07/01/2019 09:05

I don't think anyone would attempt to justify the mother's original actions in cheating on her husband for so many years and lying about the paternity of her DSs. But his behaviour in suing her and then splashing the story all over the papers is only hurting the children, whom he professes to love.

The only ones I feel sorry for here are the children.

mintyneb · 07/01/2019 09:16

CF was only included in the heel prick test nationwide in 2007. Prior to that children would have been diagnosed on the basis of being symptomatic only. Yes, there are widely publicised stats for life expectancy (which quickly go out of date) but as there are over 1000 different mutations of the CF gene there is a huge range in how if affects different people. Some adults are living into their 70s, even longer. Some poor children don't make it to their 5th birthday. A diagnosis can come at any point in life if you were born before national testing.

It IS possible to look a picture of health despite having the condition but that's down to a rigorous control of diet, medication and exercisethat most people won't ever see