Dog sleeping in bedroom

[Moggymorn]

We got a puppy 8 months ago and I've said from day one, I don't want him sleeping in our bedroom. DH didn't really agree with this but left him downstairs, not without asking me every night if he could come up.
Dog then got attacked by a few dogs one night and was all shaken up, DH insisted as he'd been hurt he slept up with us so we could keep an eye on him, I agreed. A few nights later when he was ok again I asked if we could put him back downstairs and DH moaned and left him down. I woke up in the morning and the dog was on our bed. This became a bit of a habit. The dog gets up constantly throughout the night, for the toilet, sometimes just to stretch his legs but he wakes me up every time and always needs to go downstairs once or twice. DH always pretended to be asleep so I had to get up and sort him out even though I'm the one who doesn't want him up here. If he's downstairs he can go through the flap and do his business alone, if he's upstairs he never figures that out and just goes all over our carpet. Last week I snapped and said if he wants the dog up here he can get up in the night and that I'm not doing it anymore, first 2 nights dog pooed all over our room, last few nights DH has loudly got up, sighed, moaned about being out of bed (so hardly letting me sleep) and I just said good morning to him and he sneered "I've been up FIVE times in the night, thanks for helping"

AIBU to refuse? I don't want the dog up here. I don't want to get up constantly through the night. I don't like the dog sleeping on our bed anyway. I'm pregnant and in a matter of months they'll be a next2me crib attached to our bed so not a chance he'll be up here then anyway. I'm making the most of sleeping through the nights while I still can. Apparently I don't care about the dog and I'm selfish.

So your dh is happy for a newborn baby to sleep in a room where, for the past few months, a dog has been pissing and shitting all over the carpet?

Your dh sounds like a complete knob tbh.

I hope you manage to stand firm and get the dog downstairs every night from now on

OP, I’m more concerned about your DH’s behaviour than the dog.
Domestic abuse often starts in pregnancy.
Your DH is being inconsiderate, sneering, expecting you to clean up dog mess in the middle of the night while pregnant, refusing to compromise, and giving the dog’s wishes priority over yours...
I worry that this is just the start of emotional abuse or worse.
I would take a very firm stand right now and not allow this to escalate.
He should be doing everything he can to help you during your pregnancy, and looking forward to having the baby in your bedroom, not the dog. Put your foot down.

A dog should never ever sleep in your bed. It makes them see you as an equal, you're not.

No it doesn't.

Avocados

I read that whole theory a while back. Unfortunately it's rubbish. Try that "softly softly, we're all in together as one big equal happy family" with a Pitt Bull and see how it goes.

The fundamental flaw with the study is that they studied wolves. Not dogs. I'm NOT talking about wolves.

Juells.

It does.

Most dogs shed hair and even poodle-cross varieties have pollens, the remnants of dried mud etc from walks and dead skin in their hair. These allergens that can affect your breathing -causing you to produce more mucus and stuffing up your nose. It can lead to obstructive sleep apnoea if you become a mouth breather. It is better for your health if the dog sleeps downstairs. Look at the image at the top of this article - this is a photo of a teenage boy who got a gerbil and kept it in his bedroom. Notice how his face changes as a result of his nasal congestion. mahb.stanford.edu/blog/food-and-breathing-problem/

It is laughable to think that a well trained dog will have no negative impact on your life ever.

It's like raising children in the respect that things come up and you work to resolve them.

I once asked a gentleman with a guide dog (very highly trained obviously) how he stopped his lab pinching food from the pavement or off the kitchen side. He said "well, you don't always".

They are dogs not robots.

Tribble. Two words for you. Do it now.

A dog should never ever sleep in your bed. It makes them see you as an equal, you're not.

It doesn't. It may be true of some dogs, if there is a tendency to be bold and particularly 'alpha', but to say that's the case of all dogs is simply not true.

My old boy, who we sadly lost a couple of weeks ago, spent the last 9 months sleeping on the end of our bed. He was very old, frail and arthritic and slightly senile. Sleeping on the end of the bed was a comfort to him and also kept him warm; it was the only place he would settle as he wanted to be close to us. It didn't stop him being reserved and compliant during the daytime.

@Whowould Yes, the fundamental flaw in that study was that they studied wolves who were living in an unnatural pack of unrelated individuals in an unnatural environment, which created conflict. They then took those findings and applied them to dog - human interactions, and thus pack leadership theory was born.

Does a dog need guidance, boundaries and consistency in training? Yes, absolutely. Are dogs locked in a constant power struggle with their humans? No, absolutely not. The best results are achieved by the consistent and correct application of positive reinforcement theory.

Those who advocate pack leadership theories invariably use punishment, dangerous techniques like alpha rolls and equipment designed to cause pain like shock collars and prong collars. Those are all great ways to create a dog that is scared of its owner and has significant anxiety issues. When the dog starts to display behavioural problems as a result, the advice from those who advocate pack leadership is to double down with the techniques that caused the problems in the first place - with strong overtones that the owner may be at fault because they're not "alpha" enough. A pit bull and a shih tzu are no different in this regard.

Whowouldathunkit

It does.

Since you believe it does, you'll have no experience of having dogs in the bedroom. I've had dogs in my bedroom all my life, as have my now-adult DDs, and none of those dogs have thought they were top of the pecking order, or our equals. The only thing I can think is that you want dogs that are completely obedient automatons, and see any quirks as 'they think they're my equal'.

Dogs are social animals, just like humans are. They like company, just like humans do. They'll sleep on their own downstairs if they're trained that way. My dogs slept in the kitchen when my children were little, but any dogs I've had since then have slept with me because I like it.

Rehome him. Husband, not dog.

Or, more sensibly, ask him how he plans to handle the baby’s arrival. New carpets? Will he clean up the dog hair etc before you come home from the hospital? Will a sudden change in routine upset the dog and make it see the baby as a rival? What will happen then?

*TheTroublesomestTribble

Dog>bone.

OP, the training needed here is for your DH.

Have you a spare room you can sleep in for the moment? Yes, I know you shouldn't have to but you need your rest.
Otherwise, a full and frank discussion with your idiot husband is required, asking him what the plan is when the baby's here.

Obviously, he's being unreasonable because you've agreed to not have the dog in the bedroom. That's the end of that.

That all said, there's nothing inherently wrong with a dog in the bed - we sleep with our middle-aged golden retriever and I wouldn't have it any other way. She's not confused about her place in our pack.

Dogs do not belong on your bed full stop unless extremely occasionally as a reward (arse hole non dog loving relative comes round).

Having a dog in your bed is just gross.

Having a dog in your bed is just gross.

Why so? As long as they get flea treatment and worm treatment and they're clean I can't see the problem.

your husband is using the dog thing to control you
all the better to keep you properly under control once baby gets here

It's worrying your DH is overriding your wishes re dog. Of course the dog shouldn't be in the bedroom - of course he shouldn't be waking you up, or leaving you to deal with dogshit - you're pregnant!

This doesn't bode well for when baby arrives.

The problem is your DH. Not you, not the dog.
Our dog slept in our bed till I had DS2, she has slept downstairs for 3 years since he was born because that is what we decided together. I would have been extremely angry if my DP started letting her up when I was asleep and it's over 8 years since she had an accident in the house.
When I first had DS2 and I was bf, DP did sleep downstairs with the dog for about a month to get her used to it. It worked for us, meant he could get up earlier with DS2 so I could have a lie in.
You need to sit down with your DH and set some rules together because the tiredness and frustration will only get worse when the baby is here. Sleepless nights, worrying the dog will go over to the baby, waking up to dog mess is not a good mix.

The dog is a red herring
it is being used to establish who has the right to an interrupted sleep, who is the person who has to get up at night to attend to things etc

I would be the person who wanted a dog to sleep upstairs.

That said, your OH is a twat and YANBU.

I would be the person who wanted a dog to sleep upstairs.

Ha ha, me too. I'm amazed in retrospect that I managed to be tough enough to make them sleep in the kitchen. I have photos of me sitting, all bleary-eyed, breast-feeding a baby with a dog scrunched in as close as she could get under the baby, on my lap.

I don’t think it’s relavent who thinks a dog should be in the kitchen and who thinks it should be on the bed.

I do think it’s relavent that your dh is disregarding what you agreed and doing what he wants. And then complaining when you don’t support him in this. I would calmly explain to him that he agreed to the dog sleeping in the kitchen. That when the baby comes you will not be happy to have the dog there and so it would mean that the dog would then have to get used to a baby in the house along with a change of sleeping place. That is making it harder for the dog than it needs to be.

After that discussion I would ask him not to continually ask for the dog to be brought up to the bedroom.

Next time he asks then I would tell him he can sleep with you or the dog. But not both. If he brought the dog up I would not be sleeping there that night. Even if I had to sleep on the sofa I wouldn’t sleep with the dog in the bed again. (Ideally of course you don’t have to sleep on the sofa - he does but making that happen may entail a large row and that isn’t what the aim is here IMO)

As PP have said, as well, you don't want to suddenly exclude the dog when the baby comes along. Get it used to sleeping in the kichen now so he doesn't associate that with the baby and get jealous.