Dog sleeping in bedroom

[Moggymorn]

We got a puppy 8 months ago and I've said from day one, I don't want him sleeping in our bedroom. DH didn't really agree with this but left him downstairs, not without asking me every night if he could come up.
Dog then got attacked by a few dogs one night and was all shaken up, DH insisted as he'd been hurt he slept up with us so we could keep an eye on him, I agreed. A few nights later when he was ok again I asked if we could put him back downstairs and DH moaned and left him down. I woke up in the morning and the dog was on our bed. This became a bit of a habit. The dog gets up constantly throughout the night, for the toilet, sometimes just to stretch his legs but he wakes me up every time and always needs to go downstairs once or twice. DH always pretended to be asleep so I had to get up and sort him out even though I'm the one who doesn't want him up here. If he's downstairs he can go through the flap and do his business alone, if he's upstairs he never figures that out and just goes all over our carpet. Last week I snapped and said if he wants the dog up here he can get up in the night and that I'm not doing it anymore, first 2 nights dog pooed all over our room, last few nights DH has loudly got up, sighed, moaned about being out of bed (so hardly letting me sleep) and I just said good morning to him and he sneered "I've been up FIVE times in the night, thanks for helping"

AIBU to refuse? I don't want the dog up here. I don't want to get up constantly through the night. I don't like the dog sleeping on our bed anyway. I'm pregnant and in a matter of months they'll be a next2me crib attached to our bed so not a chance he'll be up here then anyway. I'm making the most of sleeping through the nights while I still can. Apparently I don't care about the dog and I'm selfish.

Our dogs sleep in the kitchen or lounge at night and then come on for cuddles in the morning. Our dear departed pfb dog used to sleep in the bed all night, but as he got older it became a real pita so we decided not to do it again.

@TheTroublesomestTribble The dog is now 14 months old, I work four hours a day and spend all the rest of my time with him, he gets two walks a day, has attended puppy training, is fully toilet trained downstairs and has had no accidents in months, he's trained regularly and on an ongoing basis, he is very much loved and my only bug bare is not wanting him upstairs. When we were toilet training him I took him outside in the night, that stopped when he stopped needing it. At one years old he is capable of sleeping through the night as he does when he is downstairs. Soon he'll have me at home with him all day everyday, yes my attention will be shared between him and a baby but he will not suffer from it and will still get the attention he needs. The attitude of people on MN is you must stay at home 24/7 and have zero other distractions in order to have a dog and it's complete and utter bullshit. What is my dog missing out on? How has this been a poor decision that will impact him? We rescued him from a poor situation, I can guarantee he's a lot happier here than he was on a puppy farm or in a shelter. So please tell me how I am not taking responsibility? I honesty don't think I could of made more effort to be a good dog owner and will continue to do so. How you conceived your children is not important to me when you think you can turn around and describe my pain as nothing. Maybe it felt like nothing to you then you are a stronger person than me but I take no less offence to your comment based on you 'understanding'

The OP sounds very responsible, any lecturing should be aimed at her DH.

YANBU - and I have two dogs that sleep up in our room with us at night.

The difference is that DH and I are both in agreement about it, and the dogs sleep on their own (massive) dog bed. They settle down and don't stir again until morning.

Not dignifying your comments with a response anymore, sorry had so much helpful advice which I haven't replied to but she touched a nerve there. Thanks all for the genuine advice.

@Juells Bad dog owners is how that happened, two very aggressive pit bulls not on a lead just clocked him and ran towards him at speed. Owner called them and they completely ignored him. Thankfully our dog was on a lead so we managed to get him out of it but he got bitten on the back leg and it punctured quite deep. It was heartbreaking but he has recovered so well. Took a bit of re socialising but he has gotten past it amazingly

My dog doesn't sleep in the bedroom. I'm the most devoted of owners but she doesn't sleep in the bedroom.
For safety reasons I wouldn't have the dog in the bedroom with the new baby either so why on earth allow the dog to get used to being there? Your DH isn't showing a great lack of common sense, and is actually being unkind to the dog.

So if you don’t want a dog sleeping in your bed then you’re not a dog lover ?!
Biggest crock of shit I’ve ever read .
It’s called training and boundaries!

sorry some posters are being nasty, OP. Having to deal with your DH being a bit of a dick is enough.

@PumpkinKitty82 MN can be amazing sometimes can't it

You need to train a dog. You didn't bother and this the result. Trust me. Re-home the dog, neither of you is able to look after it properly.

@Whowouldathunkit How is the dog not trained? Have you read any of the thread? 😂

Mumsnet is weird about dogs...it's ranges from the view that dogs should never be in public at any time ever to the view that if you leave your dog alone in the next room for more than 3 minutes you are a horrific owner and should rehome.

I'm stunned that rehoming has been suggested on this thread already...for the reasons of having a baby and not liking him in your bedroom!

Untrained...um...How did you arrive there?

Your dh is massively unreasonable. The dog cannot possibly stay in the bedroom when baby arrives and so will associate the baby with his ‘punishment’.

Our dog was unsettled after returning from three nights in kennels so dh slept downstairs with him for two nights.

You also said ‘bloody men’ like this is because he is a man. It isn't. It is because he is a nob. He is ignoring you, purposefully waking you in the night to punish you for saying he has to deal sith the dog, and wanting you to deal with his decision which is against yours. This needs dealing with. His attitude is appalling. What’s he been like generally since you fell pregnant?

I think you're perfectly right in the circumstances. Like PPs I've always had dogs that sleep with me, but not when I had babies. If your DH wants to cuddle the dog he'll have to sleep downstairs. 😂

It sounds like an ideal situation, having a cat-flap for the dog to let himself in and out.

@Moggymorn please ignore the judgemental people. Many MN users have real issues with dogs and children.
Both my dogs sleep in my bedroom and the younger took a lot longer to toilet train because of it, accidents stopped around 18 months old in the end. It was mainly the decision of my DP to have them upstairs and at the time I just went along with it and now If they are at the dog sitters for the night or we are away I don’t sleep well because they aren’t there.
It’s been tough though and I don’t think it’s unreasonable that you want your dog sleeping downstairs at all. Your DH is being very selfish!
I’m due a baby any day and will be keeping my dogs upstairs with us at night (my dogs, my baby, my decision before anyone decides to jump all over me!)
If you want the dog back downstairs nows the time to do make that transitsion because you don’t want the dog associating the new arrival to why he’s been made to sleep in a different room.
Try and explain to your DH that once baby comes it’s going to be a big change for everyone including your dog and if your getting up numerous times a night with the baby you don’t need to be worrying about stepping in dog pee or poo. Explain you’ll both be sleep deprived enough why add to that by being sleep deprived before baby comes too. Failing that let him fall asleep and take the dog downstairs and give him a good hard thump to wake him up if the dog doesn’t settle because he’s caused this problem so really he should be fixing it and letting you rest.

Congratulations on your long awaited Pregnancy

@Coloursthatweremyjoy You've got to laugh haven't you. MN suggests re homing as a solution for everything. Pretty sure it would be far more stressful for our dog to be rehomed then it would be for him to just sleep downstairs I avoid the dog house like the plague as that's all you see on that topic. I posted their once.. big mistake!

we've been through this process and now our dog is downstairs of a night. she doesn't disturb our sleep and there's laminate downstairs so no risk of damaging the carpet. I love her but she's a dog and I'm not having my sleep disturbed by her

Ah, I'm surprised it took 3 pages before someone suggested rehoming a perfectly loved and well cared for dog whose only niggles appear to be a weak bladder and wanting to sleep near its family People like you, @Whowould are why rescue centres are full to bursting.

No point pontificating on whether or not the OP should have got a dog. It's there now and it's there to stay. Next we'll be hearing that no household containing a pre-menopausal woman should get a dog lest she get pregnant

OP if you want some more sane advice go over to The Doghouse

@C0untDucku1a He's fine in regards to pregnancy, very happy and excited. It's just him and that dog have one hell of a bromance going on it's cute to watch but much less so during the night when I am trying to sleep..

Dogs aren't some sort of fashion accessory. A properly trained dog will not have any negative impact on your life. Ever.

A dog should never ever sleep in your bed. It makes them see you as an equal, you're not. In the social hierarchy of a domestic house, your dog comes at the bottom. Once they know this, they will be happy and content, as it stresses them out if they can't identify their pack leader.

Nothing you have said gives me the impression that you have any clue who is in charge of the dog. And the poor animal is getting different signals from both of you so it doesn't know which way is up.

You cannot ever, ever, be inconsistent with boundaries when training a dog. They aren't people, they are animals, they cant function unless they KNOW their place within their pack.

Neither of you seem to be giving the dog what it needs.

Sounds like you have trained him well and your DH is overruling that.

Have you considered whether this is a hint of how things might go when parenting your forthcoming child?
I’m imagining scenarios where child is crying and dh gives in/overrules you.

@Wordthe Pack leadership theory has been thoroughly debunked and is now viewed as scientifically illiterate, actively harmful advice
positively.com/dog-training/myths-truths/pack-theory-debunked/

@Whowouldathunkit He has had a happy and settled 8 months with us, he had a good routine and at 10.30 went to bed in his crate and was fine. Yes DH has messed this up the last few weeks, I don't want it to continue, I posted for advice. The dog does not need rejoining he just needs one place to sleep, which was the whole point of this thread.

Pack theory is the biggest load of BS ever spun to dog owners and has been disproven time and time again. Anyone that believes in pack theory should be the ones being told to rehome their dogs not living families who’ve had a slight bump in the road because one family member has been a bit of an selfish arse 🙄