Dog sleeping in bedroom

[Moggymorn]

We got a puppy 8 months ago and I've said from day one, I don't want him sleeping in our bedroom. DH didn't really agree with this but left him downstairs, not without asking me every night if he could come up.
Dog then got attacked by a few dogs one night and was all shaken up, DH insisted as he'd been hurt he slept up with us so we could keep an eye on him, I agreed. A few nights later when he was ok again I asked if we could put him back downstairs and DH moaned and left him down. I woke up in the morning and the dog was on our bed. This became a bit of a habit. The dog gets up constantly throughout the night, for the toilet, sometimes just to stretch his legs but he wakes me up every time and always needs to go downstairs once or twice. DH always pretended to be asleep so I had to get up and sort him out even though I'm the one who doesn't want him up here. If he's downstairs he can go through the flap and do his business alone, if he's upstairs he never figures that out and just goes all over our carpet. Last week I snapped and said if he wants the dog up here he can get up in the night and that I'm not doing it anymore, first 2 nights dog pooed all over our room, last few nights DH has loudly got up, sighed, moaned about being out of bed (so hardly letting me sleep) and I just said good morning to him and he sneered "I've been up FIVE times in the night, thanks for helping"

AIBU to refuse? I don't want the dog up here. I don't want to get up constantly through the night. I don't like the dog sleeping on our bed anyway. I'm pregnant and in a matter of months they'll be a next2me crib attached to our bed so not a chance he'll be up here then anyway. I'm making the most of sleeping through the nights while I still can. Apparently I don't care about the dog and I'm selfish.

@labazsisgoingmad I do love my dog, I'm the one who's at home with him all day playing and walking him. I just don't like dogs in the bed, never have and never will

Why on earth did you get a puppy while pregnant? How unfair on the dog!

Puppies require a huge amount of commitment and training (esp toilet). You clearly don't have the bandwidth in your family for this at the moment, it's not the dogs fault though!

I tend to agree that puppies shouldn't be allowed the run of the house though, ours slept downstairs for the first year and then was allowed upstairs after that when he was (slightly better) trained.

I'd suggest either rehoming, you sleeping in a different room, or just sucking it up as the consequences of a poor decision on the part of if the humans involved.

you dont sound much of a dog lover

That's unreasonable. OP sounds like a very responsible and caring dog owner.

@TheTroublesomestTribble Wasn't pregnant when we got the puppy, we'd been battling infertility for 28 months and had all but given up, got pregnant 4 months after the getting puppy and he is very much loved and we aren't going to just rehome him now we have a baby on the way some people

Ah, just seen that puppy predates the pregnancy. Still a poor idea to take on a dog when a baby is a possibility IMO. Can your your DH sleep in another room with him?

If you RTFT he is completely toilet trained downstairs and has been for months. It's only upstairs we have the problem.

I adore my dog. He sleeps downstairs on his own bed, (Unless someone leaves the lounge door open in which case he sneaks onto the sofa). He doesn't actually go upstairs at all.

Once, we had a relative with a dog to stay and I brought him upstairs to sleep on the floor in our bedroom. Bad idea, he snores, he was restless, he wanted to be taken out, he panted..it's too hot for him. We are all much happier if he is downstairs.

Your DH is being unreasonable.

X post, so you were actively TTC, it didn't happen fast enough so you got a puppy instead?

I'm trying to be kind here, but can you see that this wasn't the wisest idea?

28 months of TTC is nothing, it would have been better to wait until you had reached the end of the line with it before considering a puppy.

It's not jus about toilet training though, a puppy requires so much care and attention, it will wake you up in th night, annoy you, take up a lot of time and headspace.

You made a poor choice and these are the consequences. I hope you manage to work it out.

@TheTroublesomestTribble I'm not asking for advice about whether we should of got the puppy or not, and I am definitely not asking for your opinions regarding my infertility. You have absolutely no idea what I've been through to try and put your two pence in is wholly unnecessary. Please think twice before referring to someone's situation as nothing as going through rounds of failed IVF certainly didn't feel like nothing. Unbelievable.

Time to set some clarity moving forward. If your dog is doing the toilet upstairs it’s time to stick to your guns and keep him downstairs. Your going to have a new baby and I am pretty sure you will not want dog poo and wee in the area where your new baby sleeps. My OH and I have always disagreed about our dog and I will never get another one. He moaned about wanting the dog upstairs too. Our dog barks at everything that moves and I had zero interest in being woken up as he barked any cars driving along the road. So he has never slept upstairs and is happy in his own den downstairs. Your DH can’t insist in bringing the dog up and then expect you to deal with its toilet issues.... dog needs to go back downstairs... you will all be happier

You need to get the dog back downstairs, you will have a baby in your bed very soon, so now is the time to be firm with the dog

Troublesome get over yourself.

People will comment as they see fit though, irrespective of the advice you ask for. Especially in this case where you seem to have a huge blind spot as to how this issue in your life has come about.

Taking on a puppy while TTC is undeniably a bad idea, although I can see why you did it (my own 2 children were both conceived through ivf so I do know of what I speak)

I'm sorry you're in this position, but you do need to take some responsibility for it.

I think you are conflating two different things here op. If the dog is pooing in your bedroom then the toilet training isn't complete, and you would probably need to get up with him one or two times in the night even if he were sleeping downstairs.

The sleeping in the bedroom thing is a different issue. Like pp, our dogs do sleep in the bedroom but in their beds and we have wooden floors, not carpet. Plus they rarely disturb us in the night.

I don't like dogs in bedrooms but I was over-ruled by my DH on this one so I understand how you feel op, but to be fair, DH is the one who always wakes up and sorts it out if there is some sort of disturbance.

Tbh, I would really hate the idea of a dog (particularly one who has toilet training issues) in the bedroom with a baby. (And I say that as a confirmed dog lover.) What was your DH thinking? It's unhygienic, a health risk and totally impractical. Also, you don't know yet how the dog will react to the baby. I only got a dog once my DD was eleven years old though, being blunt, I wouldn't have got a dog if I was planning to start a family.

You and your DH need to sit down and have a serious conversation about how to proceed. In your shoes, I would put dog gates on the stairs, and have the dog sleeping downstairs, perhaps in his own crate, and your dh sleeping alongside him on a camp bed for a while, getting up at regular times in the night, until the toilet training is totally A1. At no time should the dog be let upstairs in the bedroom. Everything goes back to basics. You need the toilet training properly sorted before the baby arrives.

If your dh is not prepared to do this, then I suggest you look at rehoming. Otherwise, you will be utterly miserable. Hope it works out for you all and the dog op You can tell your DH from me that he is being a total dick about this!

Puppy is quite old to need the loo at any point during the night. What are you feeding and how late in the evening?

Dogs are pack animals and personally I think it's wrong to make them sleep alone, they will learn to tolerate it if given no other option, but it's not really fair on them. Unless of course you have multiple dogs, then sleeping in a separate part of the house is not so bad.

For me, YABU for not having the dog upstairs. But your husband is being far more unreasonable for not dealing with the dog at night. He sounds more attached than you and is not pregnant, hence, his job.

What about getting a crate for your bedroom? Dog not in bed and also not able to toilet on your floor, but also not alone.

Sorry op. X posts. It took me so long to write that post, I hadn't seen the bit about your infertility issues

Our dog sleeps downstairs but is allowed up for a cuddle once someone gets up in the morning, a good compromise

YANBU.
I've got my dachshund tucked up in bed with me at the moment, but he always sleeps downstairs because if he's in the same room as us (we tried taking him on holiday) he disturbs our sleep too much.

Occasionally when the dog has been having a cuddle with DH at bedtime, DH will say, ah, you could leave him here.... I remind him that the dog is bound to jump off the bed at some point for a vigorous ear shake, and then cry to be lifted on again, so if he's happy to deal with that he's dealing with it ... sanity always prevails.

Especially in this case where you seem to have a huge blind spot as to how this issue in your life has come about.

Does it matter how it came up? The point is that they now have a puppy that needs to be dealt with.

but you do need to take some responsibility for it.

Why? How does that help?

If he's toilet trained normally, it's just bringing him upstairs that is the problem. It sounds like you have a good set up for him. When in his 'own room' he's probably taking himself out if he needs to go.

I think you are right to let your husband deal with any mess, it's his decision to have tge puppy in the room after all!

I know a lot of people sleep next to their puppies in the early stages but I never did this. We've never had a problem. My mum was a dog enthusiast (understatement) and a trainer. She never did this either. Besides you sound out of the tiny puppy stage.

My Mum had two German Shepherds when I was born, there were always dogs in my childhood, it's totally fine if you manage it.

Jesus Christ @trouble. The dog sounds well cared for, and well trained for a puppy. Get off your high horse!

OP, if you have made a decision at the start that the dog should be downstairs, that needs to continue. The dog needs boundaries and stability, especially with a baby on the way. You need to set this down with your DH and ensure that he sticks to it.

TheTroublesomestTribble your comments are judgemental at best! Jeeze.

OP, congratulations on your pregnancy! Actually gave me some hope, DH & I are battling infertility too.

Honestly sounds like you're doing great, installing the right rules, you just need to explain to DH that it's about what's right for the dog, it's NOT about him getting puppy cuddles. The dog will be happier and more settled downstairs. He's being selfish, and he should be backing you up.

Good luck, and all the best with your new arrival

Dog then got attacked by a few dogs one night

How did that happen?

YANBU our rescue dog has obviously slept upstairs at some point and would prefer to again but it's out of the question here and with patience and consistency she has got used to the new normal for her.