Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

419 replies

BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER · 06/01/2019 01:23

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do Sad

OP posts:
BigChocFrenzy · 06/01/2019 08:35

It's not acceptable to punch a boy / girl / man / woman whatever the ages, whatever the relationship
It's criminal assault if the victim is a boy of 17, of 14, or a man of 27
It's criminal assault whether it's a parent punching, or a partner punching his GF

If you don't want a criminal record, then don't assault people.

ItsNiceItsDifferentItsUnusual · 06/01/2019 08:35

I think I'll save this thread for when my ds has grown up. It will show him that if his over the age of consent girlfriend gets pregnant, it is entirely his fault and he'd better watch himself for punches on account of defiling a princess.

Best contraceptive ever Hmm

What a difficult situation for all concerned. I hope your ds is ok this morning. Fwiw I would photograph his face in case things get worse but for now I wouldn't report to the police. I'd be speaking to the girlfriends parents and suggesting you all meet to try and defuse the situation and that both these young people get the support they deserve.

I feel for your son though. His gf's father is an animal.

Angrybird345 · 06/01/2019 08:36

Take a photo of your sons face just in case anything else happens. You could get advice from 101 but really shouldn’t interfere too much. However, I’d be calling the parents to tell them never to touch my dc again.

Subtlecheese · 06/01/2019 08:38

The father is a freak who cannot control himself. Or his action was deliberate, no one other than an equally violent knuckle dragged would want to go back to his daughter. He can now use the situation of the scared shit less absent boyfriend to increase control over his daughter and insist on whatever he chooses.

StepAwayFromGoogle · 06/01/2019 08:40

Your son didn't 'get someone pregnant' as PP have suggested - THEY got pregnant FFS. It's no more your son's 'fault' than his GF. So absolutely not acceptable - I'm assuming the dad didn't also punch his daughter in the face? Would everyone think that was OK? I'd report him to the police, OP. You can deal with the pregnancy but GFs father needs to know you don't solve problems with your fists.

crazychemist · 06/01/2019 08:41

Speak to your son! He’s very nearly an adult and may have to grow up very quickly if she/they decide to keep the baby.

It is obviously very wrong to punch someone just because you lose your temper. Threatening further violence is also obviously completely wrong. But do you gain anything by involving the police Now? Get a photo, if he is willing get him to write down what haoenned while it is still fresh in his mind, but you don’t have to call the police right away! He may have an ongoing relationship with these people, this is not the moment to raise tension.

Find out what your son wants to do. Let him talk. Then try to support his choices if you can, but make sure he understands the potential consequences.

BigChocFrenzy · 06/01/2019 08:41

The pregnancy is potentially a longterm situation of 18 years

However, the relationship will be far far more fraught unless it is established from the beginning that noone is allowed to commit criminal assault, however angry they feel.

The father is no more entitled to punch the boy, than the OP or her son is entitled to punch the girl

  • I think MN would certainly demand police if the girl were punched

The 2 kids together made the mistake and are equally responsible for the consequences.
Both sets of parents need to support and advise their kids now, not hit them

Bowchicawowow · 06/01/2019 08:42

Has the father punched the girl too? Is she in danger? There is so much which needs to be sorted out in this situation.

BigChocFrenzy · 06/01/2019 08:43

It might be different if the parents were apologetic, but they still think they were justified
so the son may well be the victim of further assaults unless the police are brought in.

brusselsproutfan · 06/01/2019 08:44

Some of the comments on this thread are laughable really.
Your Sons face will probably look a lot worse today. I'd speak to him about reporting the assault and why you think you should and I'd reassure him that he hasn't done anything wrong. A sexual relationship involving 2 17 year olds isn't against the law and it's not just his fault. Maybe contraception was used but it didn't work who knows?
I'd be having a chat with him about what he thinks, bearing in mind it's entirely his GF decision what happens from now although my guess is her parents will want to put their 2 pennies worth in for sure.

Juells · 06/01/2019 08:45

Of all the people involved in this fiasco, the OP is the one who is least affected now, and in the future. It's not Even Steven - her darling boy will continue in education with no major decisions to be made.

They and their daughter will have to decided whether to have a termination. Or it may be too late for one, if the OP's son and gf have dithered about admitting what's happened.

If she has the baby, who's going to be looking after it? If the gf does she can't continue to college without enormous help from her parents, who presumably thought their childminding days were over. Do both parents work ft?

I can see how the sheer frustration of the situation might make a normally mild-tempered person go bananas. The OP's son's life is not going to be derailed, the girl's is.

RolandDeschainsGilly · 06/01/2019 08:45

I was pregnant at 17. The last thing on my Dads mind was thumping my boyfriend. He was more concerned with, you know, me, his child.

What a tosser.

Pachyderm1 · 06/01/2019 08:46

Then try and speak to the childs mum about getting this young girl a termination. You do not want your son tied to a family that see nothing of physical violence.

Jesus fucking christ. That’s right, totally override this girl’s bodily autonomy and right to make her own decisions because you don’t want her son tied to her...

The son made his decision, and it’s up to girl alone whether she has a termination. If she doesn’t want one then she and the baby are in the son’s life and he and his parents just have to deal with it.

OP - you’re right that it isn’t ok, but at 17 I think it’s up to your son if he wants to report it. He may not want to. If his girlfriend keeps the baby he may be unwilling to antagonise the situation by reporting. It’s really for him to decide.

That said, you are right to want to protect him and I would be offering him all the support he needs going forward in dealing with this without being frightened of his girlfriend’s dad. I don’t know exactly what form that support will take, but speak to your son and find out from him what he needs.

Jiminybikkit · 06/01/2019 08:47

Jesus, don't call the police if you ever want to see your potential grandchild.

If your son is man enough to get a girl pregnant, he's man enough to fight his own battles, and having his mummy trot off to the police on his behalf, when he doesn't want her to, doesn't set a good precedent.

Huntawaymama · 06/01/2019 08:47

Obviously the man hitting your son was wrong, very wrong. He reacted very badly to the shock news and I don't condone it but there's the potential you're about to be tied to these people for life so you need to calmly speak to them rather then calling the police. Atleast for now, if he's still feeling as hot headed this morning reconsider the police

SaturdayNext · 06/01/2019 08:48

It's completely pointless reporting anything to the police unless OP's son wants to. They can't take the report anywhere unless he's willing to be a witness.

Strugglingtodomybest · 06/01/2019 08:48

I wouldn't do anything without speaking to your son first. This is his life and he should get to make the decisions which affect it.

Juells · 06/01/2019 08:50

I'd reassure him that he hasn't done anything wrong.

Wow, no wonder there are so many teenage pregnancies. He did do something wrong. So did the girl. They've fucked up their education - she more than he. Consequences are always worse for the girl in these situations.

RolandDeschainsGilly · 06/01/2019 08:52

Also do NOT say anything about termination to her. My then boyfriends parents tried all sorts to make me terminate, despite finding out I was actually 20 weeks along. No bump. No missed periods. No weight gain. Just constant nausea and exhaustion which the GP repeatedly put down to doing 4 A Levels. They even offered to pay for me to go private and then pay me 5k once it was done Shock Angry

I in no way wanted a child at that age. But I couldn’t abort a healthy baby at that late stage. I was under no illusions what the procedure would be, or what having a baby at that age would do to my life plans.

DS is now 14 and he’s amazing. I’ve only just started University at 32, but I dont regret my decision.

I would talk to your son. He’s likely terrified and even more so now due to being assaulted.

Dollymixture22 · 06/01/2019 08:55

Roland that’s awful. Do these grandparents have a relationship with your son?

And great news on university!!

Juells · 06/01/2019 08:58

Roland - how brave you were! and are.

TeeniefaeTroon · 06/01/2019 08:59

@ILikeyourHairyHands
Your post doesn't look like a quote to me, I also read it that this was you saying that.

Branleuse · 06/01/2019 08:59

He definitely HAS done something wrong. They've both been stupid, but the girl will pay the price. Your soon could walk away any moment and very likely will do while that family pick up the pieces.

He didn't want you to know as he knew you'd be ridiculous about it. Why the fuck was he not using contraception

Strictly1 · 06/01/2019 08:59

Wow - he wants to be lucky that's all he got! They sound charming. It was assault and that is a police matter. I'd be fuming as his mum and telling the parents it's a police matter!

BigChocFrenzy · 06/01/2019 09:04

I'd report an assault on a girl, so I'd report assault on a boy
They have equal rights not to be assaulted

The parents justifying this sound like there may be future assaults whenever they get angry, e.g. is she does / doesn't have an abortion.

Reporting protects the GF too - I hope she doesn't get punched if she doesn't do as the dd wants

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In

This thread is closed and is no longer accepting replies. Click here to start a new thread.

Swipe left for the next trending thread