Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

[BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER]

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do

its not ok, but some people dont seem to be thinking about what their end game is here. What do you want the outcome to be.
He hasnt gone out and punched a random 17 year old.

What do you want your end result to be here, and how best to acheive it.

Saying that going to the police about the parents of the girl your son has got pregnant is all very well, but what then if there is a massive feud and you never get to see the baby?
People on here are not going to have to live with that

How does anyone know that the girl hasn't told her parents that the OP's DS pressured her into sex? How does anyone know that that isn't what happened? Were none of you teenage girls at any stage in your life, with a persistent boyfriend.

Nobody knows the ins and outs of this, I wouldn't be going to the police in case I opened another whole can of worms that couldn't be closed. Plus, as PPs have said, if there's a baby the DS will have to be involved for the rest of his life. Doing anything hasty now 'on principle' will have repercussions for years.

OP you must be feeling awful. I've got a 17 year old DS. What a nightmare situation. I understand totally why you want to report this man to the police. It's is assault and he was bang out of order. However I'd advise against doing anything until you've had a chance to calm down and talk to your DS properly. Ultimately it's his decision, he needs your support at the moment and needs to know your on his side and listening to him.

This needs to be reported. It’s a safeguarding issue for a pregnant 17 year old girl to be living with parents who think it’s ok to hit someone.

People saying it’s your sons decison are dead wrong. If I knew you IRL I’d report it myself. Reporting a child at risk is everyone’s responsibility.

Reporting a child at risk is everyone’s responsibility.

This 1000 times over. Honestly, that's basic safeguarding.

In fact, there's a possibility that, once the baby was born, the girl wouldn't be allowed to live at home if her dad is deemed to be a safeguarding risk to under 18s.

Or he'd have to move out.

Adults can't just go around punching kids.

Again Juells stop projecting and trying to twist the situation, what is the most likely scenario is that two teenagers got carried away in the heat of the moment it happens! The most sensible solution would for The parents and teens to sit down and discuss the options

withgrace No it is not a safeguarding issue if he has not been violent to anyone else.

Lots of people have actual convictions for assault and have children living with them. I think a lot of people don't really understand what safeguarding actually is.

x2boys Or more likely they planned to have sex They are 17, a perfectly normal age to have sex.

So if the angry father can make life difficult for the lad, then that is a reason not to report?
Hmmm.
Violent people take note... just have a hold over someone to protect yourself from being reported.

Exactly what and either got carried away and didn't use contraception or had a contraception failure it happens

No it is not a safeguarding issue if he has not been violent to anyone else.

How do you work that out?

It's a safeguarding issue for the under 18 who he hit. It doesn't need to have been violent to anyone else.

An investigation might conclude that there was no risk and it was only a heat of the moment thing but that is not for anyone here to decide.

ThisHas The son is 17. If it was taken further it is a police issue, not a Social Services issue. Unless there is a history of violence, Social Services would not be remotely interested in this as a safeguarding issue for the baby.

TornFromTheInside That is something the son needs to weigh up. Whether to report or not could have consequences both ways that the son will have to live with. It is not the OPs place to dictate what happens. She can talk through different options. It is up to the son, and up to him to live with the consequences.

withgrace No it is not a safeguarding issue if he has not been violent to anyone else.
That is not entirely accurate. Children witnessing violence still need protection.
In the grand scheme, this sort of incident wouldn't get much attention because it is so commonplace and there are far worse things happening and not enough people to solve every problem, but still it is a cause for concern if any adult is exhibits violent tendencies, once or multiple times, and it doesn't matter who they were violent to.
Yes people have convictions and still have decent families.

In fact, there's a possibility that, once the baby was born, the girl wouldn't be allowed to live at home if her dad is deemed to be a safeguarding risk to under 18s.

Or he'd have to move out.

How on earth would this be a good outcome, and lead to the girl feeling supported by OP, the grandmother of her child? Is the OP willing to have the girl come and live with her in those circumstances?

This is all so over-the-top that I can't deal with it.

Of course assaulting someone is not okay. But I think you should be led by your son on this.

There's a much bigger and more serious situation that needs to be addressed - the pregnancy and if you go to the police the chances of supporting these young people through a very difficult time will be very much worsened.

Your son is not so much a child that he wasn't having unsafe sex. He has got someone pregnant and he needs to step up and take responsibility to support his girlfriend in whatever she chooses to do. It's her choice, her body. And their lack of care and responsibility could now have long term consequences for both of them.

Your dismissive statement about her getting a termination is heartless and cold. How would you feel if it was your daughter? Sure you wouldn't assault anyone but this is about more than your precious son's feelings - as I'm sure is now dawning on him. It better now start dawning on you too!

That is something the son needs to weigh up. Whether to report or not could have consequences both ways that the son will have to live with. It is not the OPs place to dictate what happens. She can talk through different options. It is up to the son, and up to him to live with the consequences.

Not true. Morally that is your view, and that is fine, but equally there is an obligation for anybody who is aware of an assault taking place to report it. Many don't for a variety of reasons, but it is not always just for the victim to decide.

TornFromTheInside I think you are talking about domestic violence. And yes witnessing that can have a real negative impact on children. But that is because they are living with it. It is a very different set up to an assault happening involving two people who will not live together with the baby, before the baby is even born. It has nothing to do with how common it is. Domestic violence is very common and is taken seriously by SS as a safeguarding issue. It has to do with the context and whether it is actually a safeguarding issue. This really is not, unless there is a history of violence.

It another poster that suggested the termination.

Bouledeneige

It was another poster who said that about a termination, I think. Not the OP.

I think the point about safeguarding for the baby is there is a reasonable chance that this man is violent on a regular basis or ar least has been in the past.

Its not normal for someone who's never been violent before to suddenly turn violent.

Has he been violent towards his wife, his own children, people in the street???
We don't know, chances are GF and mother are terrified of him.

Letting it go just means he can threaten the Ops son again over whatever he feels like.

TornFromTheInside I agree that sometimes witnesses need to report an assault to the police themselves. But in this case it really needs to be up to the son. If the OP reports it against the objections of her son, she could end up losing contact with her son, or at the very least losing his trust so he does not confide in her. And the police will do absolutely nothing without a statement from him anyway. So OP reporting it leads to lots of risks, but with no real benefit.

I was punched at this age by a man who I barely knew. I gave a statement and he was sentenced to 6 months. But that is because he had a long history of violence and crime and the police were obviously very keen to get him put away if they could. Even with a statement from the son. it is very unlikely that this man would get more than a caution, unless he has a very long history of criminal behaviour.

If this violent bully, GFs father, is not reported, this signals to him that he can get away with this behaviour. The GFs mother also seems to condone it, by saying OPs son was lucky to have got away with minor injury. Maybe the GFs mother meant it really and the guy is so violent that OPs son was indeed lucky. Either way, OPs son should be advised to report.

It is very much OPs business on account of it concerning her son, who is 17, on account of receiving the phone call and crucially, on account of being related to the unborn child.

In my experience 17 year olds are far from being adults due to lack of life experience, so need all the support and advice they can get from loving adults.

It is possible for OP to hold two thoughts in her head including the worry of the assault and the pregnancy. To be fair she can do more about the assault than the pregnancy.

At least she can offer a violence free environment for the young couple to calmly decide how to proceed.

JockTamsonsBairns Sun 06-Jan-19 09:55:09
I know it's not the point of the thread, but where on earth do pp live that the police would be coming out for a punch??

If a grown adult had punched a 17y in the face here (Sheffield) then the police would definitely come out, or at least ask for the part to bring the boy in to take a statement.

EdTheBear No we do not know that. I would think that what is far more likely is that he has a sense of ownership over his daughter. Sadly this is not uncommon amongst misogynistic men. So yes I suspect misogyny, does not mean he is actually violent. But if the pregnancy goes ahead, then this can be raised with SS who will check if there is any history. But at this point OP does not even know if there will be a bay or if she will terminate the pregnancy.