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Original poster

Am I the only one who thinks this assault is not ok

419 replies

BuffetTHEvampireSLAYER · 06/01/2019 01:23

I am absolutely fuming.

DS 17 was on a night out and returned with a bruise on his face, when I questioned it he said he was messing around with his friends and he went to bed.

I have since had a phone call from his girlfriends mother who informed me that her daughter is pregnant and her husband punched my DS and she told me that he's lucky thats all he got

I woke DS up and he told me that everything's ok and I have to stay out of it.

I am obviously shocked if his gf is pregnant but i'm more worried about the assault that has occurred

What should I do Sad

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 06/01/2019 10:25

We don’t know she wasn’t using contraception. Nothing is 100% effective.

Heaviestdirtyestsoul · 06/01/2019 10:26

Both of them knew what they were doing, both of them know what happens- why is he saying your son 'got ' his daughter pregnant. Did she have nothing to do with it? Im sure the op is as concerned as she can be about the pregnancy- but there is nothing she can do or change about it, especially with such an asshat father involved. So her concern is, quite rightly, with her assaulted son.

ThisHasReallyPIssedMeOff · 06/01/2019 10:28

We don’t know she wasn’t using contraception. Nothing is 100% effective.

Very true.

Augusta2012 · 06/01/2019 10:30

OMG, this thread has made me giggle. Nothing like a MN total overreaction to start the day. The OPs son sounds wiser than 80% of the posters on here put together.

DS has one bruise slight enough to be explained away as the result of horseplay. That’s not ‘knocking seven bells’ out of him or nearly killing him and it doesn’t mean that this girl is living around someone ‘uncontrollably’ violent and that SS need to be involved.

It sounds like there is going to be a baby because I doubt she would have told her father otherwise and it sounds like they may have told her parents together.

It sounds like this is going to be a difficult enough situation without adding in a pretty pointless police investigation which will come to nothing anyway because DS doesn’t want to pursue it.

Probably the best thing to do OP is speak to DS today to find out what their plans are then if they are intending to keep the baby let the dust settle and then arrange for both sides to meet and discuss the practicalities.

Ali1cedowntherabbithole · 06/01/2019 10:30

Some reasons for teenage pregnancy.

*Accident / contraception failure.
*Boy coerces girl into unprotected sex.
*Girl wishes to become pregnant, this is rarely due to good circumstances - if a 17 yo girl believes that the thing to make her happy is a baby she's rarely in a good place.

I would worry that if the girl has a violent father it is the third of these options.

thethoughtfox · 06/01/2019 10:34

Echoing PPs: this is a situation that is set to run and run no matter whether the pregnancy is ended. I would report to the police now to shut down any future violence.

EdtheBear · 06/01/2019 10:37

Op the more i think about it the more I'd be encouraging DS to report the assault.

Many posters seem to think its a one of incident but you don't know that.

The more I think about it the more I suspect it's not the first time he's assulted somebody. I think his wife (and possibly children) may well have been on the receiving end of a few punches in her time.

The father needs to know assault will be reported and charges pressed.

How sure is DS that his GF is safe?
Assuming she will have the child at home, how sure are you / he the child will be safe?
Have social services been involved in the past?
Has violence / abuse slipped under their radar?

For all the reasons above reporting is the only way forward. Your son, gf, and baby all need protection from this man.

TornFromTheInside · 06/01/2019 10:42

DS has one bruise slight enough to be explained away as the result of horseplay. That’s not ‘knocking seven bells’ out of him or nearly killing him and it doesn’t mean that this girl is living around someone ‘uncontrollably’ violent and that SS need to be involved.

A smack or a punch is assault. It is unacceptable.
Imagine if a man said "I only hit her fairly lightly", would that be ok?
Chances are, a light hit was by good fortune, not by design.
Regardless it is still violence and we should never turn a blind eye to it.

worridmum · 06/01/2019 10:43

No one here would say good on them if they hit the daugther she is equally in the 'wrong' assault is assualt.

Branleuse · 06/01/2019 10:44

if this girl continues with the pregnancy, You guys NEED this other family a hell of a lot more than they need you. Your duty is to NOT fuck things up between your son and his girlfriend so they can maintain a relationship and he can support his child.

Calling the police on them is probably the most stupid thing you can do, even if officially, he shouldnt have punched the lad that got his daughter pregnant.

abacucat · 06/01/2019 10:44

I am amazed at all those advising the OP what she should do, and that do not involve actually talking to her son. He is still legally a child, but at 17 very nearly an adult and soon to be a father to an actual child.

So talk to your son. What does he want to do? Yes it is an assault and unacceptable. But if you go ahead and report it without talking to your son, he may simply refuse to tell you things in the future and/or refuse to talk to the police anyway. He is not a small child, you can't treat him like one. Whether it is reported to the police or not is his decision.

It is an enormous over reaction to say that this means any baby will be living in an unsafe environment. I condemn the violence, but many people will see a big difference between being violent to a baby and child, and hitting a 17 year old once.

If his GF has the baby, your son will need to step up and be a father. That will also mean dealing with her parents. So working towards at least a civil relationship will help everyone.

Serin · 06/01/2019 10:46

If your son doesn't report this then there is no protection from this thug if a man. He will know he can get away with punching people.
He could easily have killed your son. One punch is all it takes.
Teenage pregnancies happen.
It's not the end of the world, whether the girl decides to terminate or not is entirely up to her, I would worry that she will not be able to think things through clearly with such an aggressive man for a father.

abacucat · 06/01/2019 10:46

worridmum No one is saying it is okay. No need to reverse the sexes. Of course it is assault. But it is not okay to treat your son as if he is a small child either.

PurpleDaisies · 06/01/2019 10:48

No one is saying it is okay

Read the thread. Some posters are saying exactly that.

Branleuse · 06/01/2019 10:48

Depends if your priority is getting this man punished, or if its making sure that your son can see his kid later, cos chances are the girl will be being supported by her parents.

NutElla5x · 06/01/2019 10:48

Omg op I really feel for you. The pregnancy is bad enough,but it potentially linking you to a violent family forever is horrendous. I'm not sure about getting the police involved against your son's wishes, but I would be so tempted to go round and have a word with thug dad if I were you. Does he not know that his daughter played a part in this pregnancy too? Did he punch her in the face? If not would he be ok with you doing so? Right now don't do anything behind your son's back though, so that he knows he can always talk to you and trust you. If thug dad hits him again though,please encourage him to go to the police. Good luck !

Itssosunnyout · 06/01/2019 10:51

It is assault. Report it. Whether he wants to provide a statement is up to him but at least this is logged should there be any issues in the future. Also take a picture of his injuries.
If he does it again your son can seek a restraining order.

TornFromTheInside · 06/01/2019 10:53

Whether it is reported to the police or not is his decision.
Actually it doesn't have to be.
How many domestic abuse victims fail to tell the police because they are scared? The victim isn't always the best person to decide, especially when young.
Also the CPS can prosecute even if a victim doesn't want to. I very much doubt they would do so in this instance, but it's worth mentioning.

Willow2017 · 06/01/2019 10:53

Calling the police on them is probably the most stupid thing you can do, even if officially, he shouldnt have punched the lad that got his daughter pregnant.

Just curious as to when its unofficially ok for an adult to punch a 17yr old?
Btw they both made the pregnancy not just the lad. Would it be officially not ok to punch tbe girl too?
Nobody needs a family where violence is the first response and threats are the second.

MellyPapa · 06/01/2019 10:53

I feel like I've fallen into a 1920s time warp! WTF people?! The pregnancy is between the mother and father of the fetus, their parents should only lend advice and support. This is basically a separate issue to the punch. Punching someone is not acceptable under any circumstances especially here.

OP, talk to your son about the punch initially be sure he understands why it's a good idea to report and let him make an informed decision about this then if he agrees call the police on 101 for advice, offer a statement and then leave it up them to take it further and your son can tell his side if he wishes. Then talk to him about the pregnancy to see that he is well informed on that issue too.

Also who knows if the daughter didn't also suffer violence here? The OP hasn't seen the daughter I presume - violence shouldn't be brushed under the carpet.

Serin · 06/01/2019 10:55

Actually, thinking about it further, do you think the 17year old pregnant daughter is safe?
I wonder how supoortive her parents are being to her this morning?
Can your son ring her and find out if shes ok.

recklessruby · 06/01/2019 10:55

Punching your ds is not ok and sounds like something from a 1950s film.
He s lucky your ds didn't punch back and a fight happen where someone did call the police. I d want to report the assault too but I m guessing your ds is against it?
Can you sit down and talk to her mum? Dad sounds too primitive to be much use.
Also I hate the term "he got her pregnant ". Surely she was a willing participant? Why isn't her dad raging at her? The OP isn't rushing round to punch the girl in the face.
I know you don't have Any say in this and I wouldn't normally advocate it but a termination seems the best option here.
I can't see this relationship working long term.

thedancingbear · 06/01/2019 10:56

FFS. This place sickens and saddens me sometimes. Punching your 17-year-old future son-in-law is domestic violence.

It horrifies me how may people are happy to excuse and justify it when it doesn't fit their preferred narrative.

abacucat · 06/01/2019 10:57

Okay missed that some posters said that. Assault is not okay.

itssosunny Logged in case of future issues? This means nothing. Without the sons statement, it could just as easily be a vindictive mother who is making false allegations. It really means nothing. And could simply alienate her own son.

What happens if the OP reports it to the police against the wishes of her son, and his GF and her parents turn around to the son and say in that case you are not seeing either the GF or baby? The OP's son could totally turn against her.

Any decision needs to be the OPs son. He is the one that will face the consequences of any decision. It needs to be up to him.

abacucat · 06/01/2019 10:58

And whether the pregnancy is continued or terminated is nothing to do with you OP.

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