DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Do not write a will leaving 50% to his mother. I am going through a contentious probate at the moment as an executor and one of the criteria for challenging a will is that a previous beneficiary has been disinherited by a subsequent will. If something was to happen (and she is already troublesome) I would not take the risk of her taking you to court for a large share of your house.

It is a ridiculous ask of hers which could have lots of dificult consequences should something happen to your DP.

I think I would pull out too OP. If DP won't stand up to his mother I think this is a warning for you, no matter how lovely he may seem. What she's expecting isn't fair.
And the way she's been with you so far sounds utterly horrendous.

The least you should do is see a solicitor asap.

Do not do this at all. I definitely wouldn't do a will then change it, no need to do tenants in common just joint tenants and show her the will saying she will get the money back. If your partner is not ok with this then you know that he will never put you first and there will always be something like this.

Could you not wait till you can save the rest of the deposit? Sorry if I have missed the answer to that.

Yes buy it as tenants in common 50/50 and make the wills with him leaving her his half of any equity. Then next day go and see a solicitor and he makes a new will leaving his half to you. There is no way she can find out about this new will whilst your dh is still alive as pp has said. Also anybody can make a new will every day of the week if they want to there is no restrictions on this.

^ This. And put a bit in the new will saying exactly what he's done and why, so that in the unlikely event of her outliving him, she'll get to know how she's the architect of her own misfortune.

She sounds like a thoroughly nasty piece of work and if she was my mother I wouldn't give her the steam off my piss.

Bugger that!

She's ringing his bell and he's running! That's the nub of it. He's willing to cost you money now, and potentially make you homeless etc - all for his mother.

What did he do when she was screaming in your face and refusing to get in a car with you? Appease her like he is trying to do now?

I'd not buy either.

How come you saved enough & he didn't?

Given his mum's past behaviour it's not really a surprise that she's done this is it?

He's an utter fool for ever thinking about taking money from her & tbh I'd be wondering about staying with him!

Don't faff around with wills.
Tell her you will walk away from the purchase and give her the money back.
You need to establish now that you won't dance to her tune or you will find her choosing 'half' of the soft furnishings.
If you lose this property there will be others.
Your do needs to see the importance of standing up to her and having no financial involvement with her.

Agree with PP.

I would pull out now.

So, say she has lent him 5k, she wants to get 100k in return?
Greedy bitch.

I have just seen a couple of comments re the fraudulent application and suddenly remembered that when we bought a bit to let property last year we couldn't take a loan even from family for the deposit, it had to be a gift so you can't write anything in the will to pay back the deposit, you'd have to do it in a different way.

So in that case I wouldn't even involve the will at all. If your DP will not stand up to her then I would pull out, she has too big a hold over you both with this. It will never end well.

Do not write a will leaving 50% to his mother. I am going through a contentious probate at the moment as an executor and one of the criteria for challenging a will is that a previous beneficiary has been disinherited by a subsequent will. If something was to happen (and she is already troublesome) I would not take the risk of her taking you to court for a large share of your house.

This. Absolutely this. Any will your DP writes relies on him then changing it. He may not. He’s a peacemaker by the sounds of it and will want to appease her. And she may challenge it anyway. If he won’t stand up to her now, he never will and it will be a nightmare for you. Please think carefully OP. You need a DP with a backbone who will prioritise you every time. Of course there are ways to ensure her loan is repaid to her should he die (life insurance policy) but not a stake in your property. Never. No way.

Why would you want to accept a single penny from such a horrible person? Find a flat you can afford

Don't agree to it..

Give her her money back and save a little longer for a home thats truly yours. She isn't worth this much hassle.

I don't think this is about the money - this is about control.
Your chat with DP should not be about the financials - but about your relationship with each other. How many times do we read on here that you do not have an inlaw problem its a partner/spouse problem.
if you don't tackle it now when will you - when you get married, when you have children, when some other major life event happens like sickness, death or do you avoid for ever and suppress difficult conversations.
Yes you are being forced into that conversation because of her but at some point you need to have that conversation. If you don't deal with it now you will be dealing with it in the future after many years of resentment...
I think that by tying yourself in financial knots, will discussions etc. you will lose sight that this woman will continue to attempt to exert control. Your other half may feel confident that in the future you will both be independent enough to resist financial control from her, but don't underestimate the power of emotional control - especially when the person can use the 'but you are so far away on other side of the world' card. This isn't going to be the last time so why delay the inevitable - at some point he has to decide is he mummy's boy or his own man.

Don't agree to anything that leaves her half. If you haven't got the money pull out and let her fuck right off. Your dh has got fog and needs to wake up.
If you have the money you can draw up an agreement to pay the loan off asap (I would go without food). She has no business in your house or your wills. The only thing you could agree to is to leave her share to her.
Your dp may be in perfect health and be run over by a bus tomorrow, before he can revoke his will, or he may change his mind. Get your house bought so you are protected and if not married make wills together asap. Be aware he can change his secretly. Marry before having children, I don't usually say that but you need protection and legal advice

Walk away. Walk away. This will not end well. His mother is too controlling. He knows what his mother was like & yet he didn’t save any money for the deposit & he accepted a gift from her. She’s now imposed term. She was always going to. Walk away.

My concern is how she will view this flat. Does she have it in her mind that she really owns half? What happens when she comes to visit - how will she treat the flat? Will she expect to be able to make changes to the house or have a say in decorating decisions etc?

I think we will do the tenants in common 5050 and the will as she wants, then change the will to leave her only what she is owed.

Don’t do this!!!!! At worst it will never get changed, at best you’re setting an awful precedent and she will be interfering for ever more. Your only options should be:

1. pull out and save the money yourself.
2. have the will drawn up to reflect that he will leave the outstanding balance of the loan to his mother.

I havent read the whole thread, so apologies if this has been suggested. Could he take out life insurance to cover the amount of the loan and have her as the beneficiary. Totally seperate from the flat. He can then change the beneficiary once the loan has been paid off.

Next thing is she will threaten to cut him out of her will. Bitch.

I’d pull out. Not because of the many many legal issues you’d have with wills etc (as pointed out by other posters) but because it’s about power.

She’s demanding. He’s giving. He doesn’t want to upset her. Fuck whether that leaves you high and dry if the worst happens.

I wouldn’t buy with someone who wouldn’t prioritise me, who couldn’t see how disastrous a plan this is, who wouldn’t want me to be secure and happy.

OP, has not advised the amount of the loan/gift, or the value of the property or even whether dp has siblings or dependants. But just say dp’s mother loaned £100k to her ds to buy a property and that property was held as joint tenants. If her ds died prematurely OP, would receive her dp’s share of the property (which may be dp’s biggest asset). Why should OP, gain over dp’s family?

We have one side of the position here and not the full picture.

Op, your Partner has to face his mother, & say he is not putting her as part owner, he can get life insurance & she will be ensured reimbursement, she is providing 2.5% gift, it is not a loan legally, & you cannot do this as it is fraud.
What will she do next ? Is she is going to show up & move in ? insist on having the bedroom because she owns half... No, just NO.
You must not allow this to happen.
at the moment, even if you repay the loan promptly, she is still on the deeds & in the will. This is a total scam.

She's bluffing. There's no way she will cut contact with him if he doesn't do as she says. He is a mummy's boy, even if he doesn't always act like it, and no woman will ever be good enough hence why she hates you. She will ignore him for a few months then come crawling back.

Call her bluff. You have the money, she has nothing to stand on. Get the house on your terms.

If you can't use a loan as part of your deposit then how can you make out a legal document - a will - stating that the loan will be repaid? I think you need to be quite careful here.
Although it will be hard to contemplate I think you should sit down with your DP now and say that you are only prepared to go ahead with the purchase on the original basis. Joint tenants. He then needs to own that 100% and inform his mother - now - that you have both agreed to pull out of the purchase on Monday and return her money.

Be prepared to do that and wait to save enough to proceed independent of her. Don't mess about with insurance policies, signing off a percentage of equity and whatever, there is an agreement in place between her and her son and you need to stick by it.

I agree with others who are saying that this isn't just about control from her, it's about your relationship with your partner.
Messing about changing wills etc would be mad. If anything did happen to your partner you'd be opening the door for her to make your life a misery with legal action, producing emails and all sorts as evidence.