DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Scotland32 if you are logged in OPs posts will be highlighted in a different colour to the others (as long as they don't name change in the middle of their thread).

Whatever you do don't move near his Mum or marry or have kids with someone who won't stand up for you or themselves OP.

I’ve had similar shit with my mil , her take on things was she and my fil helped my dh to go to university, so she deserved money from his will! Never mind me and our son, and the fact that we scraped along and did without to get him though.

Hello,
If she didn’t mention this before and you have agreed on terms then she can’t impose new ones.

But of course it is the relationship that is in question. I would give her the option, either she stays on her first terms and the money will be given back asap...Or you can’t buy the place and she needs to know all the money that has been already spent (lawyers etc...) that she would have to participate into. Meaning that you will give her back less money that she lended because she changed her mind.

That would be fair. Not an ideal situation but then everyone loose a bit.
You will find another house hopefully...and I wouldn’t consider asking anything of her again.

You've made the right choice to pull out of the flat purchase. However, if he could pay back that loan to his mother in around a year, would you consider waiting to buy for a year so he can save? Perhaps suggest you move to a cheaper rental property for 6 months/a year so he has lower outgoings and can save.

It might be the best for his mental health - to truly break free and do it himself, not end up having to give up his ambition to own a property due to his mum's behaviour.

(And there's a good chance a no deal Brexit will mean house prices fall.)

I actually think it's not so unreasonable until you have kids. What happens if you break up?

his mum should probably have been more formal in the first place.

Funny that she's calling you selfish and money-grabbing, when clearly she is clearly the one who's being both, between wanting you to move to her home country, wanting a chance to collet 50% of the value of your joint flat for herself in exchange for having "gifted" just 2.5% of the purchase price.

Don't let her or your DP cause you to doubt yourself. She's full of bull.

He's tried to say that I haven't been the most understanding towards her and that she isn't malicious, just incapable of seeing that she's being outrageous

Well what else are you going to think when her previous meetings have not exactly been a bundle of joy for you and I am sure she has said she doesn’t like you for no other reason than she thinks you are keeping her Ds in the UK.

I think your dp is either under her complete spell or understands what she is like and wants to keep the peace regardless of who else it might affect.

Atm if he is saying things like this then he doesn’t have your back

Ps. OP, I'm really sorry you lost you flat so near to purchase. Have you any here to go to or is your current flat on market and now you have to start looking again? There will be plenty of properties on market soon now it's January.

CoolCarrie the mind boggles doesn't it, as to how these people think

My MIL was heard to say of my late DH's 'money'.... "Some of that money should of been mine"

I mean why does she think a man married for 16 years with a child she would be a major beneficiary

Money goes DOWN generations, not up. I don't understand people who expect an inheritance from their children, it's ridiculous.

Get your solicitor to put a Security in place which pays his mum back if you sell. That way she is always guaranteed her investment back. She can't expect half the money as she is not putting in half just now and presumably the flat will appreciate in price.

I think it’s perfectly fair to stipulate shares proportionate to her investment, alternatively that her money is a gift but that in the event of his death she gets repayment, and her comfort that this will be done is a provision in the will. It is in everyone’s interests to make this clear up-Front now. Requiring her whole son’s interest (her investment plus his) to be returned to her if he dies is, however, NOT reasonable. My MIL did something very vaguely similar - she tried to change her will so that she left everything not to her two sons equally, but to her grandchildren (each son two kids, so fair enough) direct. She clearly just wanted to by-pass her two DILs, which I found quite off.

I’d bet pound to a penny, it’s got nothing to do with protecting her loan.
I think she’s doing whatever she can to split you up and that once you’ve agreed to this ridiculous demand, she will find something else to beat you with. Probably feign illness or something equally unpleasant.
I’m inclined to agree with those saying to pull out of the purchase unless your DP is willing to stand up to her.
However, you could suggest he tells her that he’s agreed to her demands and it’s just going to take a while to organise and then see what new stunt she pulls.
You are always going to be a pawn in her game and he needs to see her manipulative tactics, for what they are.
Don’t stay with this man if he’s always going to put his mothers needs before yours!

The fairest way if, god forbid anything happened to your partner would be that she got her money back ( if the Ioan hadn’t been paid back by that time) but only what she lent, you would be entitled to the remainder including whatever it’s gone up by.

I gave my daughter and her partner the deposit for their house (£18500), from my inheritance when df died. I really couldn’t afford to do this but it was the only way they could buy a house. They have promised that they would repay this, but I had to send a letter to their mortgage broker saying it was a gift and that I had no claim on their property or the money I gave to them. I do know that they have included in their Will that I am to receive an amount, similar to that I gave them, should anything happen meantime. However if they ever change their mind, I could not force the repayment. There is also nothing I could do if they decided to change their Wills. My dh was very unhappy I did this, as he felt this money could be used for much needed renovations in our own home. However it was my decision and I wanted to help them get onto the property ladder. Time will tell how this turns out but I have also put a clause in my own Will to ensure that my other dc’s will receive a larger share of my estate and will not financially lose out. This clause will be removed when / if I receive this money back.
Legally your mil will have no claim on this money, even if you (unfairly) decided to keep it and not repay her.

Scotland32 if you are logged in OPs posts will be highlighted in a different colour to the others (as long as they don't name change in the middle of their thread

Not on any device I use

Go onto settings. There you can set your own posts a colour and op posts a different colour

Olivers
It doesn't happen automatically but you can do it by updating your settings. Using the full site IIRC (not mobile site or app).

Sounds like buying your own flat is the best thing to do in this situation.

It doesn't happen automatically but you can do it by updating your settings. Using the full site IIRC (not mobile site or app).

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/site_stuff/3173827-highlighting-posts-from-OP-in-threads

My standard setting shows OP posts in one colour (pale green) and mine in a another (lilac).

This is grossly unfair and Im not even sure a mortgage lender would let this fly. If it is not a 'gift' or straightforward loan it all gets very complicated.

I fell out with my dad for the same request. Its very difficult even now and we ended up not borrowing any money from him.

She should of course protect her investment. If she is lending you 2.5% she should have that protected in writing plus an agreed % that matches the small investment of any future profit upon sale after his death.

I will try and keep this brief ;

2 brothers and my MIL brought a property together

Mil paid a fair chunk as deposit

was supposed to be a 5 year deal

brothers paid 3/4 and Mil 1/4 per month mortgage for about 1 or 2 years

one brother pulled out 2 years in and MIL retired to live in said property rent free as stopped paying contributions

My DH took over and [paid all of it only interest only

Roll on 16 years me and DH are divorcing and all hell has broken lose.

Ehh has a benefit of trust put on property as a gift to his mother she now owns 78% my Exh 21%

Go figure....

You could placate her by asking your solicitor to draw up a deed of trust before completion which ring fences the funds she put in.