DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

@GoldenSyrupLion she said she would only proceed as tenants in common with 50% left to her. DP said to her she could have her money back, but that he wouldn't be paying back the fees it costs her.

@GoldenSyrupLion sorry I meant to say the fees it has cost us

Good for him. Watch their behaviour though OP.

And him repaying the costs you’ve spent ...???

Although it won't seem like it right now, she has done your a favour by refusing to compromise. The plan you were going with really was not a good idea. I´d get on to your mortgage broker tomorrow and see what can be done about this and maybe the sale can still go through. If not, then there will be other flats that are within your budget without his mother's contribution. I know it is disappointing to miss out on a property you love, but there are always other great properties out there. This will sort itself out.

How did she respond to him?

As others have said she has done you a massive favour. Looks like you've had your eyes opened not a moment too soon.

One thing I suggest you take from this is in the future never to get yourself in any situation in which your DP's mother has any control over you. Whether that's financial, being on holiday/staying with his family, or ever entertaining the possibility of moving to her country.

I’ve just read through this entire thread like What a cheeky cow! How the hell would she be entitled to a 50% share on a 2.5% stake? Wish my investments worked like that!

So glad you’re out of it. Explain to the agents what’s happened and see if they can’t still secure you the flat in some way. If not, it wasn’t meant to be. You have definitely dodged a bullet there though. Imagine when you’ve got children and she’s dictating to you where they go to school, their diet, etc, god there’s a minefield right there. Bloody entitled cow.

@GhostSauce she was absolutely furious, called me all kinds of things and berated him for not seeing what type of horrible, selfish, money-grabbing person I am.

It's been a pretty awful day but you're all right, it's a positive not to be in her debt

You have three options

A: Say No and don’t go through with the sale!
B: Say No and go through with the sale anyway - if she changed her conditions after she gave him the money then there’s very little legal recourse for her. Once you’re in the flat she can either accept your repayment - or not!!
C- say yes (I wouldn’t though)

@MrDarcyWillBeMine I'm very up for doing option 2, especially considering how outrageous she's being, but DP won't consider it so option 1 it is!

berated him for not seeing what type of horrible, selfish, money-grabbing person I am.

People tend to judge others by their own morals. I think she is projecting her own beliefs on you.

Thankfully you will not be tied to such a person financially by pulling out of the sale.

God, i'm very sorry that this has happened to you. What timing. I guess you have learned a lot from it though. Don't take money from her. Ever.

He isn't ready to be buying property. To put it bluntly, he can't afford it.

He still has a lot to learn about being independent from his mother. She still has power over him and you'll get sucked in by proxy. Careful.

Please think very very carefully about marrying this man or having kids with him.

YOU are here trying to work out a way so that HE can avoid upsetting his mother . He wants to keep you both happy and for some reason that’s your job to sort out.

There is no middle ground here, and there won’t be in any future disputes. And your Dp will wring his hands and expect you to do the

He aas a fool to borrow the money from her in the first place. He was weak and wrong to let her treat you like she has and not to stick up for you.

You are setting yourself up for a lifetime of stress, unless he is willing to grow up and say no to his mother. And go on saying it, if necessarily

Thank goodness this isn't going ahead! It would not have ended well.

In the meantime, OP, please take some time to think through how you let yourself be drawn into this insanity, and consider how you can better spot and dodge similar manipulations in the future.

You posted this a few pages back, which I think sums up pretty well how you just weren't able to see the strings his mother was pulling. Not just her son's strings, but yours as well. She's an expert puppet master!

To those saying it is fraud - yes he will pay back the money, but she has given it freely as a gift.

That money was never, never, provided "freely as a gift".

You are clearly a hard-working and capable woman. Learn from this experience and make sure in the future that you protect yourself and your investments. I still believe that you would be better off buying on your own, paying for the own roof over your head and ensuring your own security and stability. Don't risk that for a man, and certainly not for one who is so easily manipulated.

Just in case it isn't clear OP, what's happened probably wasn't really about the flat and the money. It was a power grab. She saw an opportunity to gain control over both of you and had few qualms about manipulating the situation to make it happen. Be aware of this.

she was absolutely furious, called me all kinds of things and berated him for not seeing what type of horrible, selfish, money-grabbing person I am

And what was his reaction to this? Did he tell her never to speak about his partner like that again under any circumstances, or attempt to placate to keep himself "in the right" with her?

she was absolutely furious, called me all kinds of things and berated him for not seeing what type of horrible, selfish, money-grabbing person I am.

For wanting to protect your own investment which is a bloody sight more than hers?

I agree you have dodged a bullet here and you now know she is not to be trusted. She is totally batshit.

And good on your DP for saying she can have her money back minus the costs you have already incurred . Serves the bitch right!

I'd come clean with the vendors and ask if they'd drop the price. Nothing to lose by asking.

Yes, I would too. Ask them. They can only say no.

Have you given up the idea of buying a smaller place on your own?

Probably l

Thank lovely lo

Did your DP stand up to her saying those awful things about you?

If he didn't there's no way I'd be continuing the relationship.

I'm