DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

OP are you very young? It’s the only reason I can think of to do something so naive when far better options have been outlined...

Are you scared he will break up with you if you buy solo or insist on the life insurance route?

You sound very out of control in this relationship, tbh. It’s worrying st such an early stage.

Excellent post from Elsiemc on the previous page. Value yourself, OP!

I think OP has become attached to the property and wants to move forward.

But moving forward into something that isn't 100% right is asking for trouble.

OP is determined to see the best in her dp, and ignore the fact that all he cares about is not pissing off his mum.

I'm also that he never even saved himself for a deposit. So for zero investment / saving on his part, he has a 50% share in the property?

The tenants in common decision is a really really bad idea.

This flat is meant to be an investment between the two of you as equal partners.

Introducing DP's mother into it as an investor will make a huge difference. She may feel entitled to use your flat as a holiday home. She may feel she can veto improvements or decoration because she will inherit it.

If you want to buy a place with friends, you could do this. But that wasn't what you wanted to do. You were looking to set up a home with your partner.

You will end up having to sell the flat and buy somewhere else before it is safe for you to have children with partner.

Oh Op - that's not a win for you at all. You're being totally done over & will end up only with half a flat despite contributing more. It is a win for your partner & his mum though, so they're ok.

Now is the time to realise your own worth (& I don't mean financially) & walk away from the flat & the boyfriend. You'll be much happier in the long run (& also more financially secure with no one who supposedly cares about you taking advantage or allowing their family to take advantage).

I wish you the best of luck as I think you'll need it in the future if you go through with this.

Having had a think, in defence of the MiL:
The Op sounds income rich but capital poor. She and her MiL have matching 2.5% deposits of £10k. This gives her buying power of £400k. However, if she bought without her DP/MiL she would only have buying power of £200k.

From the MiL's pov her son contributes £10k so that the Op can buy a house twice the value she otherwise could. There is also the issue of being fair to his siblings and keeping out of his / future DiL's financial affairs. So as his sister has repaid so should he.

If the Op and her DP can afford to pay back MiL in 18m they should probably wait and save as house prices look to be going backwards this year. If they want ownership now then perhaps it should come with strings.

I think the OP said she's paying the lion's share of the deposit. It's not accurate to say she can only get a mortgage for half of this flat's purchase price alone either.

Please don't do this.
You are leaving yourself financially vulnerable.
I know you want to think the best of DP but if this relationship doesn't last you'll be handing over half your assets to someone who brought nothing but a controlling and manipulative mother. It has potential for disaster written all over it.
Stay financially independent.

OP, I really feel like you shouldn't go ahead with this.

Firstly, as others have said, you are leaving yourself vulnerable to financial problems later on if anything goes wrong with your partner.

You don't want to believe that he would be anything but reasonable and fair if you split but this forum and friend's experiences show that people change and can be absolute arseholes to get what they want or to punish someone.

It's also setting a dangerous precedent that his mother can interfere, dictate terms and cause issues between you. This will never end well.

Put your foot down, insist that things stay as they are and if he won't stand up to her then give the money back and buy on your own. Deduct what she has cost you so far and don't even think of paying that back. His mother has to take responsibility for the mess she's caused.

I think buying alone is the best thing but realise you have your heart set on the property you're about to buy so can understand trying to get the purchase through.

And go to see a solicitor on your own

This.

Honestly OP you are putting yourself massively at risk. You are putting more into this asset than DP/MIL but stand to lose it if MIL causes problems in the future as DP plainly does what he is told.

Its ridiculous to say JT would override the will for such a small amount - has he no assets, no life cover from pension schemes, no car, absolutely nothing but "his" share in the property you are funding?

You said upthread she is savvy on making money out of property. You were not wrong.

Seagreen I think it is matching deposits? What made me start looking was because with large income disparities, as in Op's case, moving from higher single income to lower double income multiple doesn't help much with how much you can borrow.

Is your deposit equal to the loaned 'gift' OP?

Is your deposit equal to the loaned 'gift' OP?

The OP is providing the majority of the deposit.

Yes that's what I thought nannyogg. I'm therefore wondering why OP's stake is not more than 50%.

By that I mean stake in the ownership of the property. OP should own an appropriate % of the house according to her deposit until such time that her DP can afford to up his stake, if at all.

This is a separate issue to the toxic MIL.

For what it's worth, in your position I would be going for option C and doing it without the ties to MIL. Her money was not intended as a 2.5% investment in the property and to have that as a stipulation in any legal document is a mistake, even if changed later.

Per the Op:
"My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%)."

So it is matching deposits from the Op and her DP, although it is unclear how much more than the 2.5% from his DM the DP is putting in - seems unlikely that it would be more than the £10k his DM is putting in.

I think calls for the OP to leave her partner are pointless - she’s obviously not about to do that all of a sudden! But she can start to see the potential problems in the relationship (namely toxic MIL, DP unable to stand up to her, and OP herself evidently not very assertive - a very risky combination) and take steps to protect herself.

It sounds like you are either blinded by love, very young, or set on this flat and now can’t see yourself in a smaller one... maybe a mix of all three...

Also I should add: it COULD all work out with the method being proposed. Maybe there will be no disaster! But so long as you’re in the flat you’ll always have the worry in the back of your mind. And that in itself will be a trying thing to deal with.

The amounts and details are unclear as I believe the MIL money is less than 10k from one of OP's posts. I don't need to know the answers to my questions but was just positing them as food for thought for the OP. I have a sense that one way or another she's going to end up getting a bad deal out of this and if she's going to do so then it should be with her eyes open to it.

Good luck OP

I am also aware that OP's DP's DM is not actually OP's MIL, just using that as shorthand!

OP not one person on here has an ulterior motive. Pretty much every single one of us is saying the same thing.

THIS IS A BIG MISTAKE YOU ARE MAKING

Please take a step back and think before you go ahead.

You are already compromising which is risking your financial security for a woman (not your DP) who refused to get in a car with you and who your DP agreed with. Make no mistake he did agree because he did it.

Your DP needs to collect his balls from his mother's handbag

I doubt OP's still reading, but I couldn't have put it better myself - quite how she can imagine a future with this mummy's boy is beyond me

There's no point in rehashing all the reasons this is such a bad idea as it's all been said; heaven help OP when it all comes crashing down

Why can he not just enter into a stand alone agreement to pay his mother back over a certain period with scheduled payments. For such a small amount, why bring the property into it at all?

I’m sorry OP but I think you’re being stitched up here.

Yep elseim sp. Post on previous page just about sums up the whole thing thing up.

Your being dictated too.