DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

As you're putting in the greater amount of capital, OP, I think you should see about getting something drawn up to protect your position should you and DP split after the joint tenancy is in place and it needs to be sold.

If you're putting down 7.5% of the deposit and he's only funding 2.5% with mother's money, the split of the net proceeds should be 52.5% to you and 47.5% to him, so you end up with 5% more overall.

My DH and I have a Deed Of Trust which we added in at the last minute when finalising our house purchase, as I had bought and sold three properties before I met him, and he just had debt. So we have a 70/30 split.

Get that done? As you'd walk away with less than you deserve if this ended.

I can’t watch any more. Op you’ve been given reams of advice. Reams of it. And you’ve opted for the shittest choice (obviously let mummy choose for you cos she’s the one in charge here) and you think it’s a fucking result!

This. I'm going to stop watching this thread as well, as it's like watching a train speeding down a track towards disaster.

Surely you'd see a solicitor first before going through with this nonsense?

And go to see a solicitor on your own.

I think you are being very foolish OP.

Why are you trying to appease this woman, at the cost of your own legal protection and unnecessary costs? More to the point, why isn't your partner standing up to this?

You're also sticking your head in the sand about the effect that this woman is going to have in your relationship. If you think that this is the end of it then you're being very naive.

Good luck. I think you're going to need it.

If I was you I would walk away from the purchase of the flat.

You are providing more of the deposit. She is helping her son towards providing something. If she thinks this means he should leave 50% of flat to her, she is crazy.

Walk away from the flat.

DP might then start to realise the damage she is causing to him and to you. Wait until you can afford a flat by yourself, and never involve her in your finances again.

Op you’ve been given reams of advice. Reams of it. And you’ve opted for the shittest choice

^this, Money at whatever price obviously rates higher than pride for op.

Hope you sleep well in your partly owned, but paid more for, new home with your manchild and his mummy's money used to defraud the mortgage company. .

Just to say that the Land Registry take a few weeks to update records before they are publicly available so you have time to start paying back and to have the major row after you have safely moved in. Take the dosh, jeep to your original plan and fob her off.
Ditto with the will. Cheeky fucker has no right to see that. Get a document written up with the loan details on it and say that’s as far as you will go.
She sounds controlling and needs standing up to. My MIL was a bit like this and had her 2 other DIL under her control. She failed with me as I stood up to her. We get on OK now and she stays out of our business.
Good luck with your new home.

I've been thinking, is this going to be another student thesis?

Have there been others?

Agree with the majority that this is a bad idea. You have much less protection now. The half house will form his estate which he can distribute however he wishes in as many versions of wills he likes. If he leaves any to you it will be subject to tax. Error.

Sounds like a mess. Return the money. For the sake of 10k it's absolutely not worth getting yourselves into this. If I were yould buy on my own or spell out to DP that you want no involvement from his mother whatsoever.

This is a really bad outcome. Your DP can write a will to give his half of the flat to anyone at any time and you wouldn't know about it. He sounds totally under the control of his mother so this is a huge risk for you.

You are putting in the majority of capital. Why are you refusing to protect yourself?

Deeds of trust for deposits. Remainder of flat split in accordance with whatever you think is fair. Could be your deposit ratios or could be 50/50.

You've said you're the higher earner. You've said the deposit on the flat is largely your money.

If you split up you have not protected yourself and you stand to lose a lot. An awful lot.

And I say this as someone who bought my first flat with my then DP as tenants in common!

Letting MIL be involved financially will seriously undermine your relationship with DP, why would you build your house upon the sand?

I would rather walk away from flat and save up than enter into such unreasonable terms by MIL, tbh after this I would never accept a penny from her again under any circumstances except only in a inheritance situation after she's passed.

How is that a win?

You’ve only heard one side of the conversation, and your DP could well have agreed to make a will written in her favour, but not told you, to appease you both.
He’s made a small concession to her, but she’s still in charge of him, isn’t she?

(Have you considered that she could just turn up on extended vacation at any time and claim that as she ‘part owns’ the home, she can so as she likes?)

I agree with the others, you (singular) would be foolish to proceed on this basis, either with the property purchase or with a long term relationship with a man who is this scared of upsetting his mum, even when it adversely affects you and your relationship.

“A will would be overriden by joint tenancy and so his mother was not happy with that.”

A will where he bequeathed less than 10k wouldn’t overwrite a joint tenancy unless..

1/ he was shit broke with no assets
2/ you were shit broke with no assets
3/ only way to get her “loan” back was to sell the property.

So basically exactly what she wanted - you out on your ass.

I can’t watch any more. Op you’ve been given reams of advice. Reams of it. And you’ve opted for the shittest choice (obviously let mummy choose for you cos she’s the one in charge here) and you think it’s a fucking result!

This

Suggest the OP searches some of the thousands of threads on here where women have been absolutely shat on by their partners and realised that their word means nothing. If you split he could do anything and you have no control.

Plus as the higher earner with own deposit you are going to have plenty more money per month than partner who is lower earner and repaying loan. There's no way you will be able to have £££ in your own bank when he is scrimping and saving. You will end up contributing more whether it be holidays or meals out or renovations. You can't only have your 50%. At least the solicitors are closed today. Sleep on it before making a proper decision.

Another thing to do here would be to take out an additional life assurance policy to cover half (Or more) the value of the flat with you as the beneficiary. So in the event of his death & you haven’t switched back to joint tenants/ his will is different to what you agreed, you are compensated, can buy his mum out, or whatever...

Having read the majority of the thread op and legalities aside, you went into this partnership in the strongest position ie high earner, good deposit etc. You are now being dictated to by a woman who dislikes you, who would take your home from you and her son who had no deposit, who you don't see as marriage material, a lower earning mummies' boy. Sorry to be so direct op, but please take a step back and value your achievements rather than letting them impose their financial demands upon you who has done nothing wrong other than trusting this woman.

Please book to see a solicitor this week. Their fees will be small in comparison to what is at stake here and a real life professional will put all emotional ties aside and tell you how it is. Good luck.

Op I don’t think the mortgage company will be happy with TIC it’s tio risky for them, I think you are making a big mistake , why does her 2.5% allow her to control how you proceed ?

Take a break, have a walk in your own and really think about this.

The arrangement for his share of the deposit should be a private matter between him and his mum, it really shouldn't affect the way you buy the flat.

More worryingly though, you're walking into a relationship where even if you and your boyfriend want one thing, you both capitulate to whatever his mum wants. If you don't make a stand now, you can expect this to be the way things go for the rest of your relationship.