DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Talk to a solicitor about the difference in tenancy options. I'd still do the life insurance policy with her as the beneficiary. That gives her what she apparently wants - her money back. Then the property is fully out of the arrangement.

I don't think that is a result. I think they have both done you over.

There is nothing to say he won't make a will saying one thing to show you and then make another so his DM gets his share.

I doubt that he will have paid her back within any time period. There is no incentive for him.

Like the car incident. He might have openly protested but ultimately he did what mummy said.

I would not only run away from this purchase (I don't say that lightly as I have been the seller in this type of scenario before and it isn't great having a buyer pull out 2 weeks before exchange). But I would be running from him as well.

I know you say he is still young but he needs to grow up, cut the umbilical cord and save his own money.

For all the references about inheritance. This woman is probably only 20 something years older than her ds. She could live for another 50 years before he sees anything if there is anything left to see.

If you do stay and carry on with this farce I hope you make a will leaving your half to another family member or the Cats Home, anyone other than your DP.

Remember if a mother is willing to profit off her ds's potential death then what could she do knowing that another parties death could result in 100% of a property.

I hope I am wrong if you do go down the route you have but I don't think it as simple as that.

Obviously this is your decision to make and we are strangers on the internet.

However, I think you are making a massive mistake. You are in a position to buy on your own, and to do so without committing mortgage fraud and making additional complex and potentially fraudulent arrangements to ensure the paying back of the loan which you have declared to be a gift. This is all very messy, very risky and totally unnecessary.

None of you is acting honestly and you are entering into a complicated financial and legal arrangement with a woman who has already demonstrated that she has a track record of mortgage fraud and dishonesty and who is willing to move the goalposts to suit herself.

And to be honest, I'd be questioning your relationship with your DP who seems to put his DM's wishes and financial security above yours, and who has not demonstrated an ability to save money. If he'll be able to repay his DM in 12-18 months, he should have been able, like you, to save a deposit himself and there would have been no need for this risky mess.

That isn’t a good result at all OP.

Big mistake!!!

Hang on, sobyou saved up your half of the deposit but he just asked mummy?

I think what you’re going to do is fine although life insurance would be preferable and less costly for him for such a small amount. Although I still think your mil is being ridiculous. You just need to check with your mortgage lender that they are ok for you to be TIC not JT. If not, then I’d proceed and get an insurance policy for that amount. But I wouldn’t discuss this with her first. As it sounds likely she will cause an almighty row, which will probably result in pulling out of the purchase. Could your relationship survive that?? I would hope so.

@Seeingadistance @2019Dancerz

I was also gifted money to buy my flat. I'm not expected or will pay it back because guess what, it was a gift!! As everyone has been repeatedly saying, a gift and loan are two different things! MIL wants the money back in the event of his death (how incredibly morbid!) so therefore it's most definitely a loan not a gift!
It's so obvious this is all about control and wanting to remain relevant in her sons life, otherwise she wouldn't be trying to claim back the money she's supposedly gifted!
This whole fiasco would be making me sit up and question whether I want to enter into this bullshit. Especially as he's contributed nothing - This property must be bloody amazing if you're willing to enter into something some crazy as this!

Is he in a stable job and able to pay the mortgage ? If that changes then would you be able to pay to keep your roof over your head or would you need to sell ( possibly with negative equity when brexit kicks in ) - so many red flags - no way as a legally single ie unmarried woman would I tie myself into this - what kind of person lends 2.5% but wants 50% return .

Hmmmnnnn... thinking this through: if the OP and her partner split up the result would be exactly the same.

In that case she'd have to buy him out, or the flat sold and any profit split.

So as long as the OP accepts that she's buying half a flat there will be no misunderstanding.

She's not buying a home with a spouse, she's buying half a flat with a flatmate-with-benefits.

If that suits her there's nothing wrong. I wouldn't want to buy at the moment because of Brexit, but that's a separate issue.

Is this a huge sound of money we are taking about? It seems like a lot of fuss if its less than £5k.

I would return the cash gift and wait until you can buy independently of this woman.

Wow. After all the advice on this thread. Your partner's mother has got her own way and you think it's a win! 🤦🏻‍♀️

You and your partner are going to go to the trouble and expense of doing tenants in common now and then changing to joint tenants later, plus he'll have to change his will once he's repaid the money. And if he dies before it's all sorted (unlikely but possible) how are you (I'm assuming he'll make you executor) going to pay her 2.5% from his estate without selling the property?

All that to appease her. It's very clear where his priorities lie, and they're not with you.

Good luck. You're going to need it.

Sorry to shout, but WHY ON EARTH WOULD YOU DO THIS?

I’m still gobsmacked that a mother’s main concern at the thought of her son’ death is getting her money back. What if you have children and the debt is still outstanding? Would she go after the money then?

Don't do this... give her the money back and move on without her. Dare to say no to her because you are in the power situation here. She is jealous of you and dislikes you. Do not allow this woman any space in your relationship. For a small amount of money, she will allow this to be a part of your life until you break. You partners sister has chosen to sell the property she bought and live in rented accommodation to get out of a similar situation. I bet she claimed it as 'her' house and demanded a say in how it was run.

I haven't rtft so I don't know if she's already given the money or not.

But if she has I would just go ahead but literally live on economy baked beans so you can pay her back as quickly as you can. Ultimately she didn't stipulate the terms upfront so she doesn't have a leg to stand on.

If she hasn't I would do as she ask but then change it back to joint tenants immediately on the purchase. He can write two versions of his will, a real one which fairly gives his mum her money back but no more, and a fake one that she is happy with. Make sure you have a reliable witness to sign the real one as she will 100% contest it in the unlikely event of this being an issue.

Unfortunately it sounds like the relationship with his mother is irrevocably broken either way and I would never want to see this woman again.

it sounds like your partners mother wants her children to call the shots in their relationships. You need to stand up for yourself now.

If you pull out and decide to delay the purchase or decide to buy alone there is no flat for her son and no loan to be repaid so the truth is that you hold all the cards.

Additionally if your mortgage has already been approved, maybe you can just get a bank loan for the this relatively small amount.

Then cut her out the equation (forever).

I would do this even if the APR was terrible.

With everyone else don’t do this

Utter madness, don’t risk your future and financial security to help a man who won’t put you first. He won’t ever put you first.

Dear God op I would not do this.

Given your DP's handling of the situation I would also be questioning my relationship with him. If his main concern is not to upset his controlling mother you're going to have problems. Though it sounds like she's been treating you horrendously from the start and he hasn't stood up for you. He doesn't sound great!

This has set the tone for the future as she knows she can get her own way so what is she going to demand next?

Don’t do this OP. This is not a ‘win’ or even a fair result for you.

I would give her money back and buy on my own in your position.

Jesus. This is like a horror film where you’re screaming at the screen ‘don’t go Into the dark woods without a torch to investigate!’

I can’t watch any more. Op you’ve been given reams of advice. Reams of it. And you’ve opted for the shittest choice (obviously let mummy choose for you cos she’s the one in charge here) and you think it’s a fucking result!

I’m out. Look forward to the sequel in 12-18 months when there’s a ‘problem’ changing tenancies...

The obvious difference here is that I am providing the majority of the deposit

If you're putting down the majority of the capital, DP's mother is a mega-cheeky fucker for trying to get half the property when she hasn't even put up half the deposit!

She's playing games, OP, I'd definitely go for the smaller flat, just in your name.

Your MIL is clearly viewing the money as an investment and wants to benefit from any increased value to your property.
So you could suggest that on your DP's death, she would be entitled to a 2.5% share of the current value of the property. If she's not happy with this then I'd look to repay her asap. Putting in 2.5% does not equate to ending up with 50%.
How would your DP have made up his share of the deposit without the money from his mother?

No way.
What if he won't change the will once it's paid off? I think you're mad to go through with this. For one I couldn't be with someone that disregarded my feelings like that. He sounds a right wimp.