DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

@TheRealJoseph he's in the process of doing that now. It's unclear how well she's taking it but we will see.

If it doesn't go down well we will return the money, and then start looking for somewhere for me to solely purchase.

@TaliZorahVasNormandy and @ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser he is in the process of telling her she won't be receiving the 50% if the worst happens... I think you're right that she's not used to him opposing her so we'll see how it goes.

Good fortune for the future OP, 'cause you'll need it.

Why would you buy alone? You could find a way to protect your deposit if you buy together.

Why would you buy alone? You could find a way to protect your deposit if you buy together.

To stop DPs DM getting her hands on the home.

Hope the conversation goes well, but somehow I doubt your mil will back down. Its crazy she thinks she can gift/loan you a small amount but expect half the purchase price back should he die! She should get back the gift/loan (though a gift should be that, a gift and not expect it to be paid back) back plus whatever interest charge you mutually agree on.

Just remember that her opinions and wishes are less important than yours.

But that would only happen if the dp still made the home to be left to his dm rather than his dp, which (one would like to assume!) isn’t what he’d do. I have had a property where my half would have gone to my family, as I bought with a friend. It does rather suggest that the relationship is seen as temporary or not serious in some way.

Sorry LongTP

The loan is 10K and that is all "DM" should get back, nowt more & nowt less. If she doen't like it, then she should go & sit on a Cactus.

If I were the OP, I'd withdraw from this joint purchase, and use my savings as a deposit on a smaller property which I could afford on my own.

Results are in...

There was some shouting and she took some convincing but she will be left the amount she loaned in DP's will and the rest will be left to me.

After DP has paid everything back (we've calculated this should take about 12-18 months) we will change it to a joint tenancy.

It's not perfect but I think it's doable.

Thank you all so much for your opinions, help and advice. All has been much appreciated. I don't think I would have had as much faith in my convictions without support from you all!

I do hope you'll get that agreement in writing. Though you'll be waiting an extremely long time for it.

Result!

Have you doublechecked that you can change from TIC to JT though?

I don't understand why you've opted to go for tenants in common instead of joint tenants as you'd originally planned.

I wouldn't consider this a win, I suspect that if you'd known from the start that these were her terms you'd have made alternate plans. Don't let excitement about one flat lead you down the wrong path.
You can still ask the seller to reduce the purchase price by the 2.5% and return her loan now.

I've been thinking, is this going to be another student thesis?

The 2.5k% (10k) is the deposit. Reducing the price of the house by 10k isn't going to affect the deposit much.

So mortgage fraud it is . How can you sleep at night.

Why on earth are you going for tenants in common instead of joint tenants? It makes no sense! You have confirmed the will side, so there is no reason to be tenants in common! I think you are being very naive here, it’s you that stands to lose out most if the worst happens!

estate.findlaw.com/planning-an-estate/whats-the-difference-between-joint-tenants-with-survivorship-and-.html

Do you seriously think that your partners Mother wouldn’t fight you tooth and nail for your partners share? Your home would not be your own! Please tell me your mil is not going in as a third tenant in common as that is fucking crazy if she is!

You have provided the lions share of deposit, you would be crazy if you allow this to go through as anything but joint tenancy! Please consider this and take legal advice! If you placate his Mother this way then you will be committing fraud anyway! Even in joint tenancy I would be looking at your having 60% share to your partners 40% to reflect your deposit.

She sounds like a right one

Who makes insurances to be financially rewarded if one of their own children dies! It’s a bit grubby! She’s probably well and truly ruined the relationship now herself.

well done OP

@ClaireElizabethBeauchampFraser the reason for doing tenants in common (DP's mother is not a third tenant in common) rather than joint tenancy is so that DP's mother feels that she is guaranteed her money back should anything happen to her son.

A will would be overriden by joint tenancy and so his mother was not happy with that

@Kfcinbed wow op I really feel for you, I know what its like with MIL and money, except MIL has never given/loaned us any she some how still believes DH only has what he does because of her even though the only thing that has ever happened between them concerning money is when MIL stole from DH when he lived with her for a short while before we moved in together.... I am happy to say we are no contact with her now because shes a real piece of work

OP do what the hell you decide to do, as you seem to be hell bent on wasting your hard earned cash & losing your home as you've been given loads of options & great advice.!

But don't expect sympathy from me (& others?) in a few # years time, when you're back here whinging about the loss your cash/home & "dp".