DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Font If it was a loan, then it's mortgage fraud

But it was a loan. Op clearly says her DP BORROWED the money.
If borrowing money from parents for a deposit on the promise of repayment either from sale of first home to buy the second or over a 5/10 yr period at 0 % ... is mortgage fraud then half the bloody country is guilty !

The mother is not being unreasonable in wanting her money back should the son die. Why should his gf benefit. ? They aren't married and have no children. Shouldn't get 'half the property' though. Only what is hers.

Font i think you need to RTFT. Everything you’re talking about has been covered extensively

If you declare that the money is a loan, then that's fine for mortage purposes. If you say it's a gift but it's actually a loan you need to pay back - that's the fraud element. Mortgage companies look at your outgoings and that loan repayment is obviously not going to show up!

Also, the forms you complete during the conveyancing process ask if any of the money for the purchase has come from anyone else, and if it is considered a gift or a loan - and if it's a loan, do they have any interest in the property.

The OP has declared the money a gift and the MIL has signed a letter to that effect. It was always a loan really, never a gift.

Just thought of something...is your DP an only child, or has he other siblings? and she done this before, with them & their partners?

This has disaster written all over it.

Do NOT buy a property with this man(child), and don't let his mother have anything to do with it. You need to work on the assumption that your relationship may not last, and you need to protect yourself first. Honestly, you're better off just continuing to save (in a bank account in your own name) for at least a few more years until you see how things work out.

@TheRealJoseph he has a sister who also was loaned money to buy a flat. The sister bought with a man who contributed nothing at all towards the deposit and so felt unable to have a say in any of the finances.

She has brought up his subservience in conversations with DP in order to show how disrespectful I am being and ungrateful of her loan.

To those saying it is fraud - yes he will pay back the money, but she has given it freely as a gift.

Even if she didn't want back the money, and she doesn't seem to care about the repayments in any way, DP would still be paying her back. I don't know of anyone who received financial aid in the form of a 'gift' from their parents to buy a flat who wasn't expected to pay it back, just without the formality of a loan.

To those asking the exact figure- it is less than £10000.

DP is talking to her on the phone now so we will see how she takes the three options and then decide how to proceed.

Hope he sticks to his guns on the phone.

If you set up ten in com on land reg it is then down to your dps Will to state where his share goes so in the will it could show her and as soon as she is paid back he can change his will to you

Good luck 💐

@Fstar thank you for this- yes we will make sure the will is fair if it comes down to that! They're still talking...

@Weenurse thank you!

Ta your reply OP.

he has a sister who also was loaned money to buy a flat. The sister bought with a man who contributed nothing at all towards the deposit and so felt unable to have a say in any of the finances.

So DP's DM now owns the flat, while his is paying the morgage?

Btw if she has "gifted 2.5% 10K", then all she should get back is "2.5% 10K" not 50% of your home, so please inform your DP of this and listen in on what she demands.

his sister is paying the morgage.*

@TheRealJoseph apparently the flat that his sister purchased with her BF (now husband) has been sold, loan returned to DP's mother and they are renting with their profits from the sale safely in the bank. They are waiting for the right property to come up.

The point DP's mother has made to him is that the sister's BF wouldn't have dreamt of challenging her as she was providing the deposit.

The obvious difference here is that I am providing the majority of the deposit and potentially stand to lose the most from her proposal. DP is currently arguing this point with her.

It sounds like Narcissistic MIL is not used to being told NO! Nor is she used to not having her child freely volunteer to be the mat she wipes her shitty shoes on! I truly hope that your Dp is strong enough to stand up to her. I’m afraid it would be me or her in your situation. In fact I have been in a similar situation in a way, DP chose me and our DC

He shouldn't have to argue any points. He shouldn't be engaging with her at all. It's a waste of time and energy. He is still giving her power over him because he is trying to get her to agree.

He needs to decide (with you) what he is going to do and then inform her about your (joint) decision.

He's not going to, though. He's still too enmeshed with mummy.

And you're anxiously waiting for mummy's verdict

You really need to buy a cheaper flat and cut this potential source of misery out of your life - do not give her a financial hold over you. Or, is she suspicious you might bump off your dp once the house is bought?

My dm gave us the same amount to help with house purchase and asked for precisely nothing in return, it was a much appreciated gift from a caring woman.

I must be the exception then, because my parents gave me a gift of money for a deposit. They and I gave legal undertakings that it was a gift, not a loan, and guess what? It was a gift! They didn't expect it to be paid back. They, and I, the solicitor and the bank, all understand the difference between "loan" and "gift" and proceeded in good conscience with that shared understanding.

My comment at 00:10 was in response to the OP's remark earlier that she doesn't know anyone who received a gift that wasn't actually a loan.

Am relieved to see that there are others who understand the difference!

So who has told you that the sisiter has paid back the loan etc..your DP or his DM?.

@TheRealJoseph DP- I haven't spoken to his mother at all in this

Pull out and buy on your own. It will save you a lot of hassle later on.

Your DP needs to collect his balls from his mother's handbag. You are supposed to be his life partner, he should be more worried about upsetting you.

Thanks again. OP. Just one more thing, has your DP told his DM that she's only getting her 2.5% 10K back & not 50% of the home yet?.