DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

@Boysnme what will happen to my 50% depends on what happens to his- I will sign it to him if that's what he does for me. If he won't do that we won't be getting the mortgage anyway so it's a moot point I suppose.

Thing is he can change his will at any time and you wouldn't know!

If you financially tied to him whilst he is tied to his mothers apron strings it's going to be emotionally manipulation forever after...

I like JamieFraserskilt's letter.

If the solicitor has that letter then, I'd be really tempted to refer her to them (solicitors) if she wants to withdraw her permission to use the funds in the way she had previously agreed.

You mention that you are near completion - do you mean exchange (of contracts), you are not committed to the house purchase just yet (we had someone pull out at this stage, soul-destroying as it is - it does happen).

If it's only 2.5 % of the purchase price is it worth seeing if you can drop the price at all? I know this type of thing is frowned on on mumsnet but I don't see what option you have other than being dishonest towards his mother, and if your do were to die she would arguably have a claim on the estate due to the promises made, that could be a total shit storm for you. . You would be totally mental to do what she wants.

she was aware that she had signed away her rights to declare it a loan

So what's changed? What reason has she given for insisting on arrangements for repayment now?

Your dp would rather commit fraud and risk imprisonment for both of you than say no to his dm's unreasonable demands? And you are considering agreeing to this?

Run, very very fast.

Blatantly placemarking for the batshit response from MIL

I think the safest option here is for you to buy the flat yourself OP (even if it’s a smaller property). I just feel like your partner or his mother have the chance of being conniving and deceptive in the future as her initial wants are truly ridiculous!

Your three options are all reasonable. Your partner's mother sounds mad, but to be honest I'd be furious with my partner if he were behaving like yours. So the MIL is loaning 2.5% and asking him to sign over 50%, and he is agreeing to that to save face with his mother all the while wanting you to sign your entire share over to him? Who is this child you are in a relationship with!

Anyway I can see you're not going to do that but really the fact that he's tolerating this obscene suggestion from his mother is enough to tell me that you should not tie yourself financially to him.

The facts are you earn more, you have savings and he doesn't, he is weak when it comes to his manipulative mother. Buy a smaller place on your own and he can pay towards living there, until you're ready for more commitment together and he can cut the apron strings properly.

OP, are you happy to disclose what the actual amount of money is? I’m auuming that based on available multiples of salary for mortgages, that the actual amount is around £10k?
If so, could your DP take out a personal loan (like a car loan) to cover his mum’s withdrawn funds?

You beed to cut all financial and emotional ties with his mum before things turn nastier.

Typos, sorry!

Increasingly I think it’s best for you to buy alone! I see a world of trouble ahead for you otherwise...

Your three options are all reasonable

I don’t think option no 2 is really reasonable. As OP admits, it’s a compromise. But she is in a strong position where there’s actually no need to compromise at all.

This is your future OP, and possibly the biggest and most important investment of your life. DO NOT COMPROMISE on that. Especially when there’s truly no need.

@Tentomidnight you can't take out a loan for a house deposit. I think OP you would be best to pull out and buy a cheaper place to live without her money.

Another thing, if DP and OP marry in future surely the whole thing becomes moot as OP will become sole owner of the property should DP pass away? In which case i can't see DP DM being too enthused about any upcoming engagements...

Does it get in the way OP? The umbilical cord I mean, the one that's never been cut....

Your OH needs to man the fuck up, seriously. He doesn't want to call her out on her BS 'terms', even though they're ludicrous??

I'd be wary about buying a house with that one, She is the one chopping and changing but he's allowing it

I go with buying on your own too. It’s very unattractive that he hasn’t bothered to save anything because he knew his mum would lend it, it’s still a loan that needs repaying and he should have saved as much as he could anyway. If he thinks someone will do something for him does he ever take responsibility instead because he should?

@SassitudeandSparkle I've said a few times now that his mother has declared it a gift, signed a letter to that effect and wasn't expecting the money repaid in full to a particular time frame- just when he could. It wasn't an official 'loan' as such, just a gesture of goodwill and she was aware that she had signed away her rights to declare it a loan

Unless I'm wrong then this isn't a 'gift' and the wrong terminology is being used. A gift is where the lender doesn't expect the money back. Is MIL is expecting it back then it's a loan.

Ask any divorced woman this ... was the man you divorced the same man you married? It wasn't in my case and that of many others on Mumsnet. Please don't rely on "he wouldn't do that". Cos right now he wouldn't, but on the other side of a separation you just don't know. Please protect yourself as much as possible and don't embroil yourself with his mother financially (or any other way, she is toxic!). I wish I had taken the advice I was given at the time to protect myself, instead of the stress and anxiety of the uncertainty. And that was without a MIL from hell. She will ensure he behaves in the worst possible way in the event of a split. Please protect yourself.

It's all very well saying you'll only sign your 50% to him (I'm assuming you mean in a will) if he does the same for you? But what's to stop him making a new will and not telling you?

I really can't see the issue except the 'half the property' issue.
I wouldn't want my money that I had LENT to one of my children being inherited by someone they are not married to. If. There were children together I would not feel this way but at the moment the OP is a girlfriend. It is not fair to expect to Will someone else's money to a girlfriend.

OP s partner can solve this simply by agreeing to change the tenancy basis and writing a Will leaving the amount borrowed to be paid to the mother from his share of the equity in the flat. With any excellent going to whoever he wishes.

It is reasonable to have a guarantee of money lent being returned by the borrower.
It is not reasonable to expect an amount far in excess of what was borrowed.

Many posters have said that it was a gift and she can't change her mind now.
That is not what the OP stated. She said he BORROWED it. It wasn't offered. Or a gift.

This way they can buy the house and the mother is protecting her money.

Walk away & then drop her in it with her local tax office.

Good lord, what a controlling arsehole she sounds.

Why on earth is he pandering to such bullshit? I must say OP I would certainly have lost a good chunk of respect for him at this point.

Not sure how it works but can you be tenants in common for the first year (with the will and then second will change) and then when it comes time to remortgage change it to what you wanted?