DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Protect yourself, remember he may later inherit from her

He may inherit from her, yes ... or she might use an inheritance to manipulate him (and in fact could be doing so already)

Either way, as I've said, there's no way I'd get further involved in this until a lot of things are clearer

Could you not pay the full deposit then write something in that if you split up or sell the property you get the full deposit back plus 50% of profit?

What she’s suggesting is mortgage fraud. Do you want to break the law? Have you run it passed your solicitor because they have a duty to the mortgage company. If you insist on following her wishes then the solicitor will probably refuse unless the mortgage company is informed and you’ll lose the mortgage anyway.

He may inherit from her, yes ... or she might use an inheritance to manipulate him (and in fact could be doing so already)

If you look upthread you'll see that this kind of thinking has already caused problems:

his mother has always promised him a loan (disguised as a gift for mortgage purposes) for a house deposit when he needs one, so he hasn't saved on this premise

The last thing the OP needs is a partner continuing with this kind of thinking.

I haven't read every page. How is a will (and a tenancy in common) mortgage fraud?

The OP has ignored all questions about what they put on the form about the deposit, so there is a strong possibility that the partner has not declared part of the deposit is from his mother (otherwise she's have already signed away her rights or claimed her proportion depending on how much she'd put in, which would obviously be a lot less than half!)

Sorry if I have missed this but who is getting your 50% if anything happens to you? Does your DP still expect you to leave your share to him even though you won’t get his?

I’d buy on my own if I were in your shoes.

I don't see why she can't just have a formal loan agreement or a charge for the amount she's lent him registered against the property. It seems excessive and controlling for her to have an interest which would leave you in a difficult position if you were to be left alone in the flat due to tragic circumstances. If she's asking for essentially a 50% interest to be passed on to her in that event, it seems to go much further than a deposit. If the deposit amount she's giving him is a loan, why should she potentially own half the property after he's paid her back?

If you go for the option where he has to will you half the house can she dispute the will. Even if she gets no where will it cost you?

Also will you have to pay inheritance tax on his half of your home?

Came to this thread late but what i want to say is this:
1 - Sometimes shit happens and people die young.
2 - Sometimes we marry the love of our life which we believe to be a good and decent people only to be surprised by how easy they can be manipulated and lie to us.

You ate not married and you've said marriage is not what you want at the moment. Your DP has no money of his own to contribute and would be repaying a loan from his mother to be able to do this. He doesn't seem able to take a stand and protect you 100%.

To me this screams BUY ALONE.

Buy alone if that's what you'd prefer. I think she is bluffing though and you just stick the finger up at her and do what you originally planned.

Do not do what @lavalampoon suggests

I don't see why she can't just have a formal loan agreement or a charge for the amount she's lent him registered against the property

This is exactly mortgage fraud, exactly what the mortgage company do not want, will find out about if you put a charge in property and you won't get another mortgage offer in future having committed mortgage fraud.

• if you have given them a letter stating "it was a gift". They will not accept someone else having interest or charge on property if she is not on mortgage.

OP, if you do go ahead in whatever form with buying the flat, specify the amount to be repaid to DP's DM as a £ value, not a %, or you could still end up paying out more than she put in.

Although, I still think your option 3, with documents drawn up to protect yourself from a claim on the property, would be my preference.

Actions speak louder than words, and your DP has already shown (as with the car) that he'd go along with what his mother wants, despite any harsh words he may have had for her.

As you can afford to buy alone, then buy alone and make it your flat / house. Your DP has blown it by relying on a mother whom he must know is manipulative. That won’t change OP. In fact it is likely to get worse as she gets older.

Your home. Your rules. Your independence. Your future.

Everything you have written here makes me think that the best thing for the moment wold be for you to buy alone and for him to pay you rent. In five years time or so, then you can think about buying together, if that's what you want.

Dont give his mother options to choose between for what you are going to do with your life. It isn't her decision to make. If this relationship is going to be a long term one (which I assume is what you are planning on now), then you need to set in clear boundaries now that she is not a deciding voice in your relationship.

Oh, and her decision has nothing to do with wanting her money back or making an investment. She's doing it because she wants to ruin your relationship so that he will move back home to her.

Êven if your DP and his mum always spoke of the 2.5% as a loan or an investment and not a gift

• i.e. always planned to defraud a mortgage lender 🤔 -

her demand for 50% of the property if he dies is 25 x what is necessary to safeguard her investment.
Totally outrageous

AND both planning a mortgage fraud for so long ....
This whole house purchase is looking dodgier all the time.

I wonder if he would even see any inheritance or genuine gifts from her, given that even a miserable 2.5% turns out to be a loan / investment.
Or is that just because you are with him ?
He could spend decades pandering to her and get nothing - if that is indeed why he keeps pandering.

MountPheasant you can change from TIC to JT.

Xenia the mortgage has been signed off with the understanding that the 2.5% deposit is a gift. In reality they’ve already committed MF because it’s actually a loan. The affordability calculations haven’t taken the loan into account. In other words they’ve lied to the mortgage company. Their solicitor should really tell the mortgage company. The MC would probably withdraw their offer.

You're right, nauticant, but with the possible manipulation over inheritance I was thinking more of a large amount in the future, rather than the smaller sum towards this mortgage

OP said her DP's mother is experienced in property, which rather suggests she'll have something worth leaving, so if DP's dancing to her tune already, how much more likely is he to do it over even greater riches?

Frankly, this is sounding worse with every new detail which emerges ...

I have only skimmed so apologies if this has been addressed, but:
If for any reason (unforeseen things can happen) you were to sell this flat before the loan was repaid, what do you each see happening in that scenario?

Would she want 50%? Would she want her loan instantly repaid?

Not necessarily questions that you want to put to her, but another aspect that makes me think it’s better not to get financially involved with this woman at all.

Surely tenants in common opens the door for her to swan in whenever she wants. Why are you even considering putting her on any ownership documents!?o

Your dp needs to talk about the effect of her decision on HIM. Only when she sees that this has created an issue or loss for him as opposed to you, will she see what effect this has had.

Dear mother

When you kindly offered to assist me with my half of a property deposit to help me get started on the ladder, I agreed, despite legal documents staying it was a gift, to honour a gentleman's agreement and pay you back at £x per month for x months plus x% interest and you accepted this. It was under these terms that a contribution was then accepted from you.
Now I am two weeks away from completion, you want to impose new terms that I am not prepared to accept. These demands have frustrated, disappointed and embarrassed me as without your financial input, I cannot contribute to the purchase of our new home. Had I known this would happen I would never have proceeded to this point.
Sadly, this leaves me three options.

1. Pull out of the sale and lose all the money I have invested to date. This would also impact others as the vendors and my dp will lose their fees too. This means we will all be out of pocket by around £x. They would be well within their rights to request this be refunded by me as I am no longer able to keep my end of the deal.
2. As a form of protection for my debt to you, my DP has kindly agreed to honour any debt outstanding in the event of my untimely departure. if This is acceptable, please see attached agreement for signature and return
3. I am prepared to take out a life insurance policy in your favour, that will pay back the outstanding amount should I die.If this is acceptable, let me know and I will arrange this straight away.

I will not be writing a new will or changing legal documents at this late stage in the sale, to accommodate your new demands.

Please let me know which of these options is acceptable to you. If I do not hear from you by Wednesday 9th, I will assume the original agreement stands.
Your loving son

Argh stating

OP - i really think you should buy on your own and protect yourself re beneficial interests with regards to him paying you rent etc.

MIL sounds like a vile and controlling with narcissistic traits.
Your DP is still too enmeshed with her to think straight - this does not need a 'discussion' with her!
YOU and DP should be making a joint decision and then TELL her.
You both already know she won't be happy with anything other than her own way.

Concerns/red flags for me are:

• DP's attitude towards finances/savings in general - his mother has always promised him a loan (disguised as a gift for mortgage purposes) for a house deposit when he needs one, so he hasn't saved on this premise So he's never bothered to save independently because he was relying on someone else financing his security - his mum or partner?!
• DP's enmeshment with his toxic mother. He doesn't want to upset or trick her but in the same breath he would consider deceiving her (and messing you about) re ownership status and fake/changing wills? He doesn't know his own mind and is too easily influenced/pressured by her.
• I don't believe DP would go behind my back to write another will without my consent You don't have 100% guarantee on this and if things went sour between you he could totally shaft you. Not only that, mil could easily contest the will if she's got the money to hire shit hot lawyers.
• Have you discussed and agreed on how each of your contributions would be legally protected in case of a break up/having to sell? At the moment, he is contributing less but stands to gain more (at your detriment) should the relationship fail.
• I will compromise and agree to tenants in common as long as.. NO! There should be NO compromising over something as hugely important as your finances and security of your investment/future like this.

You don't have a crystal ball so don't know what the future holds.
I know how easy/normal it is to feel you can trust your other half 100% when you're in love, but this is also precisely why so women end up getting fucked over when the relationship breaks down and the other half doesn't honour the agreement.
You NEED to plan this based on a worst case scenario, so that IF you break up/things turn nasty then your finances and security are still protected no matter what.
Consider how you would be best protected in case of unplanned dc, or if you end up ill with a chronic condition and can't work anymore.

Approach buying a house like a business decision and ensure that YOU are protected as much as possible.

@SassitudeandSparkle I've said a few times now that his mother has declared it a gift, signed a letter to that effect and wasn't expecting the money repaid in full to a particular time frame- just when he could. It wasn't an official 'loan' as such, just a gesture of goodwill and she was aware that she had signed away her rights to declare it a loan