DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

She seems to be wanting to drive us apart, as I am aware she believes the only reason he is in England still is for me

Which is why this kind of thing will continue.

If you were one of my adult DC I would strongly advise you to pull out. Property prices are not rising and its not worth the future problems.

You can tell the sellers you have lost part of your funding as a gift has been withdrawn, and try to renegotiate but let the property go before you change the ownership. You leave yourself open to no end of hassle and abuse by her in the event of anything happening to your DP just at a time when you would be unable to cope with it. Do you really think she wouldn't try to force you to sell and tie you up in legal wranglings?

He can:

• make a will leaving her the sum out of his estate (if he is in regular work presumably he has pension scheme life policies?)
• take out a life policy in her favour for the sum.

Either of these would be more than sufficient for any normal parent.

I would be worried about the happiness and security of any of my DC going into this kind of commitment with a DP who has not resolved this kind of issue with parents.

She's already changed her mind about the original terms for the "loan"; what's stopping her from doing the same in the future. Even if you put everything in writing she's so volatile and unpredictable she'll probably continue to try to move the goal posts and you'll never be able to relax as you'll be continuously walking on eggshells in anticipation of her next move. You could end up incurring vast expense dealing with her whims too.

Is there any chance the mother is wanting to exercise her right to 2.5% of the property should it be sold etc.

No because she has a long history of trouble making and if she was only worried about the money a simple insurance policy would suffice. Changing the ownership gives her scope to create a lot more trouble for the OP

So he's prepared for you lose your home in the event of his death? Let's face it, our time could be up at any time so he is certainly not as committed to you as much as he is willing to placate his batshit mother.

Looks like he's shown you his true colours.

I'd run for the hills in your position. Before you are tied by joint property and potentially DC later on.

Whilst I can see her point regarding paying back the money loaned, I can also see there is a fair bit of cf going on here.
The property is likely to, at some point, be worth more, meaning her loan demands will realise her considerably more than she loaned him. Demanding half of the value of the property for a 2.5% "share" is fucking outrageous.
Him even considering it is also outrageous.
So, there are choices and decisions.

1. Go ahead as you are, get a bank loan and pay her back very fast.
2. Draw up an agreement regarding the loan that states you will honour it if he dies. Include payment arrangements (bulk or staged)
3. Draw up an agreement that states you will pass her 2.5% of the property value of he dies (which will get her a good rate of value increases) and her money back if it doesn't. Include payment arrangements as above.
4. As there was no mention of terms at the time and she is retrospectively applying them now, ignore her demands, there is nothing in writing and go ahead as planned with repayments. She will throw one but in reality, can do very little about it.

Strikes me that if she doesn't agree to 2 or 3 then this was always about grabbing extra money. She says she wants to protect her investment and this does just that. If she doesn't worry about upsetting her son and dil with this last minute demand, then I would not be overly concerned about upsetting her by refusing.
Loans with retrospective terms set by family? Pah. Let judge rinder loose on that one!

It gets really complicated down the line if house values have risen - does MIL then get the uplift as well as repayment of her loan?

I was going to post along these lines. I know it seems unfeasible at the moment, but none of us can see the future and if house prices were to climb again, her 2.5% could be an awful lot of money.

I bought this house for £48k, so a 2.5% loan would have been £1,200. Now, that 2.5% would be £12k, an amount that could be difficult to raise if your circumstances had changed in such a way that your earning capacity was reduced.

Best to limit her interest in the property to the amount, not the proportion of the value, if you do go ahead.

I wouldn't go ahead with the purchase on her terms though, she sounds batshit and very controlling.

How much money are we talking here? £10k? Have you tried asking the mortgage people to add this onto the mortgage? It's not a large amount for them, won't hugely impact your monthly repayment amounts.

Worth a cal to them?

Hold the house as tenants in common but make sure DP’s will leaves his half to you.

Wow - 11 pages of people saying do not do this under any circumstances.

OP you don't have a MiL problem, you have a DP problem. You can't buy anything with this man as he is being controlled by his mother. He's waiting for one of you to back down, so that the can still be the good guy, is not HIS fault you see, he wasn't the meanie who wouldn't make it all ok.

Walk away from the purchase, and unless your DP is ready to commit to you, walk away from him too.

If you haven't already exchanged contracts, pull out of the purchase, get back the money you've put in for your half of the deposit (and stash it away carefully - you might need it for yourself) and have a very straight talk with DP.

She's not prepared to consider reasonable alternatives like an insurance policy, she just wants to cause trouble. So it's highly likely that even after she's been paid back, she's going to get just as 'emotional' when she's told that it's reverting to joint tenants and the will is being changed. Then you're back at square one.

If DP is as opposed to 'deception' as you say, then would he even go for the idea of making the will she wants and then changing it a week later? That's deception after all.

DP is showing his colours here. He might be doing it because he desperately wants to own a home with you and thinks this is the only way, but this isn't going to work. Tell him you're pulling out - and mean it. This isn't about calling his bluff.

Do not let this woman do this to you!

Stand on your own feet, give her the money back and find it elsewhere no strings attached that will piss her off.

My CF MIL offered to lend us money for a deposit which we were so grateful for but it had strings attached. In the end my parents gave us the money. Without it we would of never of been able to buy. Don't live life owing anyone anything. Your partners mother has shown her true colours, does she not like you? Glad she's so far away (but still poking her nose in)

Are you thinking of getting married?

You don't have to have life insurance for a mortgage. It's probably worth having if you have kids, but if you could stand the loss of second income because you could move, get a lodger, have a pension coming etc it's a waste of money
A fixed term decreasing life insurance to cover mil loan is a good idea, and pay it off quick.

Best to limit her interest in the property to the amount, not the proportion of the value, if you do go ahead

This is very good advice actually. It’s honestly weird that she’s thinking of this gift as an investment, given that she could only get a return on it in the event her son died...

Most parents think of helping their kids to buy a property as an act of love, not a business interest...

I need to know what his reaction was when she shouted at you and treated you badly in the past?

Why won't his mother accept your partners decision?

She will forever think she has a stake in your property.

Keep her out of it. Tell her nothing in the future.

@DishingOutDone yes- I have woken up to this and I suppose I expected more of a 5050 split in views. Time to think.

Thank you all for your views and suggestion. Will talk to DP today.

So what did you say on the legal form about where the money was coming from? Did you say it was a gift when it was a loan (you've already said he was going to repay it) and what did you say on the form about her rights to the property - did she sign it?

This situation is covered legally during the property purchase, I am wondering what you have put on the forms.

I love that your DP believes he won't pass away.

What is he, an immortal being? Crazy, everyone dies, and it can happen when he least expects it.

His mother sounds very manipulative, if I were you I would limit any dealings with her, she's not entitled to half of your home for a small loan.

@Returnofthesmileybar he was furious with her and told her how unacceptable her behaviour was but went along with some of her requests to not go in the car with me etc, leaving me alone with his sister and her DH. So he was supportive but not as much as I would have liked.

HRTFT but got the gist. She's changed the terms of the original verbal contract* so just stick to the original agreement - to pay back the money once you have the flat. If your DP is now suggesting doing what she asks, don't invest in the flat. As pp have said, on top of grief you'd have all the stress of being homeless if anything happened to him. It's very cold-blooded of his mother to be making demands 'in the event of his death'.

*though, as the saying goes "a verbal contract isn't worth the paper it's written on"

The mother has not changed her mind

She planned this from the start
because she hates you and probably always will

She deliberately announced it once she knew you were at a stage in the buying process when pulling out would mean losing fees paid.

In this situation, I think I would pull out of the purchase and buy something cheaper so that I did not need to borrow from loan-shark mil.

If I couldn't buy a house with my DP and act like adults without a third party pulling the strings then I wouldn't do it at all. Doing a will and changing it is fraught with issues because what will be the next excuse on why he can't.

There are more legitimate ways of making sure her money is protected without her still holding all his purse strings. If he can't see that or won't do that I would pull out and start looking at how you can either buy without her money or even buy on your own.

Don't do any stupid shit with wills and trying to be sneaky. Is that really the tone you want to set in your relationship.

Outrageous if he left you in another car because his mother insisted.
Bloody hell, her hatred is so open !

Of course she could have gone in another car, at her expense, but your DP should stay with you, not with a mother who is batshit with hate