DP's mum wants him to leave her half our flat

[Kfcinbed]

My DP’s mother wants him to leave half of our new flat to her if he dies.

My DP and I are in the process of buying a flat- I had saved my half of the deposit and he borrowed some of his half from his mum, who said he could pay in back within the next five years with no problems/ terms etc. The amount he borrowed is not a big loan in terms of how much of the property it is worth - (2.5%).

We had decided together to buy the flat as joint tenants meaning that if something happens to one of us, the other inherits the flat with no problems.

We’re two weeks away from our estimated completion date and his mum has now said we have to change it to tenants in common, and that he must leave a will stipulating that if he dies, his half of the flat will go to her. If not, she wants her money back now.

She lives all the way across the world and would have no use for a flat in london.

Her reasoning is that she wants to protect her investment (though it is a loan, not an investment) and is not open to anything other than this option (we have suggested a contract stating I will pay her back).

I feel that this is grossly unfair considering it was not mentioned at the time of lending (months ago) and DP and I both feel that we would want each other to inherit if the worst was to happen.

Am I wrong to feel insulted and like this is unfair of her to ask?

Can you actually pull out of the purchase? Have you exchanged contracts?

You need to walk away from this purchase. Property prices are stable at the moment so you can wait six months or a year. Don’t get involved in this mess. Far better to wait a bit until you can do it independently.

PULL OUT, before you know it she will be dictating what way the place is decorated etc etc. This is not going to end well. Cut your losses and keep saving your money.

I've only read the first two pages so apologies if this has been said. Are you planning to marry? If so, I'm fairly sure this would void any will made before the marriage.

So you could pay back the loan, get married and then you'd need a new will etc?

Get your own individual and legal advice. Do NO T agree to this under any circumstances. Your MIL is a CF.

Oh my god absolutely don’t agree to this. If she’s already given you the money she can get stuffed and you can just pay her back as per the original agreement. If she hasn’t, don’t accept the money. It’s not worth it!

She is asking for the 50% as she gave funding towards the property and she is her sons next of kin. Oh the joys of not being married.

@aaaaargghhhhelpme, we have no idea of the value of the property or the loan as OP, has not disclosed.

In the original post OP accepts the money is a loan and in a later post says the money has been legally declared as a gift. The mother is requesting that her ds leave his whole share of the property to her. OP, says that she does not get on with dp’s mother. This information alone indicates there is more to this story than we currently know.

Pull out. Return the money in full.

Find a new flat with the deposit you do have, or postpone until you/DP have saved the rest.

Apart from the flat, if you want each other to inherit your money/possessions, make wills doing so, otherwise everything will revert to his mother/your parents.

Any particular reason you're not married, OP?

Also - life insurance for him.

If you give into her stunt she will get worse.

About time your dp cut those very unattractive apron strings. No way would I be setting up home reliant on getting involved financially with anyones mummy. Especially one that clearly doesn't like you and let's you know it, it was obviously never going to go well. The fact your dp is still dancing to her tune because he doesn't want mummy to be cross is ridiculous.

You would be very unreasonable, and as bad as her, to make a will to appease her then change it.

I would expect my dp to grow some balls and sort this out with his mum on his terms, if that means giving the money back to show he won't be bought then so be it. Otherwise I would be pulling out all together thinking I'd missed a bullet there.

She isn't unreasonable to want some assurance that her money will be returned in the unfortunate event of your DPs death before he's paid back the money.
It would be unreasonable of your DP and his DM to make you homeless/force you to sell up and get out immediately after his death, while grieving. This is what her proposal is, and what he is considering signing up for.

A life insurance policy to cover her share is what is required: if she insists on a share of the flat or for you to be tenants in common then pull out.

What k1233 said at 08.37 is spot on. If she insists on more then you need to decide on whether your DP is the right person to be investing with.

Stop the purchase.

Think long and hard about if you want to tie yourself and your hard earned cash to someone who is going to leave their share of your home to someone who clearly dispises you.

People die all the time. If he does what she wants you may have to deal with a dead DP and someone insisting you either buy her out or sell to give her her share.

Wait until you can afford to buy without her help. Don't piss around with wills and changing things. He can do that behind your back if pressured enough again.

Have you offered to guarantee her loan back in the event of his death? That is all she is entitled to.

You could tell her that you will be leaving your half of the flat to your own parents if you die - see if she likes that.

Sorry I’ve done the annoying thing and not read past the first two pages, however the majority of mortgage providers don’t accept tenants in common, so for the sake of 2.5% you may not have the mortgage.

but DP doesn't want to upset her or me- just trying to find a middle ground.

There is no way to do this. None. If he does this he will be completely screwing you over. The best way to be genuinely fair to everyone is to continue the purchase as planned and for him to take out a life insurance policy for the amount owed to his mother with her as the beneficiary. If he and she will not do this, DO NOT BUY THE PROPERTY!!!! I know that will break your heart but believe me, you need to take the stand now or your life will be a series of her taking the piss and your DP letting you be run roughshod over while he panders to her in the name of "fairness."

I can understand your partner's mum wanting her "loan" back, but not the way she is suggesting. I'd pull out now too. You managed to provide your share of the deposit, whereas he had to borrow from his mum. Both of you, very practically, decided to purchase as joint tenants because this suited you both, yet he is now pandering to his mum, oblivious of your concerns. This pattern will continue throughout your relationship; I'd be running a mile from him too. She'll never leave him alone, she'll continue to make your lives together miserable, and it's unlikely he'll ever stand up to her.

Ok let's be realistic here this is what needs to happen:

1. Your oh needs to call his mother and say that you are absolutely not agreeing, however, you understand she wants her money protected do will take a insurance policy and will it to her until she has her money back.

If she says yes then great.

If she says no not good enough then you need to walk away from the sale but not only that the way your oh handles this and stands up to her is really important. You are making a huge purchase and setting up a life with a man who cannot stand up to his manipulative mother. You say he is honest and wants to do the right thing, this is bullshit! He wants to keep mammy happy, get the flat however, and run the gauntlet with your home if he dies and leave you to stand up to her when he couldn't. You really need to question if you want a man like this.

DO NOT write a will and then change it the next day!!!! DO NOT do this, like above this will get him a flat, keep mammy happy but leave you fighting for your house and dealing with her in court if he dies. DO NOT he is willing to run the risk of a world of shit for you so he gets an easy life and a flat. If he doesn't have the courage to stand up to his mother for you then you need to have the courage to stand up to both of them for yourself or walk away from the purchase and him

Bevelino - yes I agree we don’t know the purchase price. But perhaps we can agree £4million is a little optimistic for a first property.

I wouldn't buy a property with someone who couldn't stand up to his mother.

His mother is being unreasonable. He knows it. Yet there he sits, waffling and prioritising her unreasonable demands.

Perhaps you should be glad you're not married to the waffler.

I wouldn't buy a property with him.

What!!! Do NOT NOT NOT do this. Your DH needs to grow a backbone. The money was given without that condition, she can't tag it on now.

she is wary of you not to repaying her this money upon her son's death.

She is lending 2.5% of the value of the property and demanding 50% in the event of her DS's death. That seems neither fair nor proportionate.

Insisting on the change from joint tenants to tenants in common is a huge shift and removes protection for the OP.

I’ve been on mumsnet for a long time it this is my first posting. Your post has resonated with. Me OP. Property’s can be changed from joint tenants to tenants in common without the permission of the other owner- there is a form you download from the registry and it’s a notif8cation to your joint owner and then a form sent to them. So you can lose out anyway. I had a secure home and now I have half a secure home - not what I wanted and I’m now looking at what this means for m,y relationship. I hope things work out for you OP I’m too old for the rubbish I’m dealing with - don’t end up like me.

Joint tenants v. tenants in common

www.which.co.uk/money/mortgages-and-property/first-time-buyers/buying-a-home/tenants-in-common-vs-joint-tenancy-amlkh0x4ct97

Is there any chance the mother is wanting to exercise her right to 2.5% of the property should it be sold etc. and it's appreciated in value (so, 2.5% of the selling price, not the original sum of money) but is also looking to insist on her 2.5% in the event of any depreciation?