To think my husband is being unfair about my charity work

[Springfresh]

We used the services of a charity a couple of years ago and I now volunteer for them. It’s a specialised and skilled role which I find interesting and challenging. And of course it helps other people.

However, my husband believes it is no different to a hobby and then takes exception to it impacting on the things he sees as my role. He works full time, I am a SAHM and am unable to do paid work due to a disability. This voluntary work helps keep me sane and makes me feel useful once more. I have no other hobbies.

AIBU to think that he’s BU by treating it as the same as any other hobby when actually it’s so importnant to me AND benefits other people’s lives? Most of my work is done during the day when the children are at school or in the evening when they’re in bed. He sees this as using my “free time” which means I actually don’t get much down time at all. AIBU or is he?

Oh do Fuck off, dear. I’m usually very even handed and not one of the blinkered ones who cry entitled twat at everything. I answered based on the OP only for the first time in almost ever, and don’t have time now to make a considered judgement. So sue me.

Do you kiss your children with that mouth, dear?

I've RTFT and still think he's a twat.

I also think he's a twat. It's depressingly common for men to simply expect to come first ie their wives are 'allowed' jobs/hobbies/interests up until the point where the man has to do without something he wants, or put himself out for the benefit of the woman/the DC. So men with hobbies encourage Wifey to have a hobby, too, but guess who's hobby has to take a back seat if one of the DC is ill on hobby night...

Not all voluntary work is equal though...

Maybe it’s not the fact that’s it’s voluntary, just that he doesn’t think that the charity etc is actually going important work/or needs volunteers.

We often hear on MN about big charities earning millions and paying executives a huge amount of money.... maybe he feels the charity you are volunteering for falls into this category- therefore the house is untidy and he is having to take over in the evenings sometime due to you working unpaid for a charity he believes is wasteful.

Or maybe he doesn’t agree with the nature of the charity. I can’t imagine my DH being willing to take up the slack while I put in unpaid hours for the local independent school, or a “Friends of the Local Park” type thing, whereas he would have no problems if I was a blood courier or raising money for the RNLI.

Not all voluntary work is seen as equal.

He’s a dickhead. You’re not a SAHM anyway, you’re on long term disability.

Maybe it’s not the fact that’s it’s voluntary, just that he doesn’t think that the charity etc is actually going important work/or needs volunteers

As if that’s his call to make. It’s not up to him to decide if it the work is useful or important.

Some men would disaprove of their partner being involved in any kind of ‘feminist’ charity whether for domestic abuse, sex offences etc. So what?

Or maybe he doesn’t agree with the nature of the charity.

Unlikely in that the charity helped OP's family in the past.