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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be a back seat driver

88 replies

LollipopCakeThing · 01/01/2019 22:16

Currently in the car with DH and the DCs on a long journey - DH is fuming because of my back seat driving.

He is annoyed because I keep telling him how to drive. He keeps going about 10mph over the speed limit we are meant to go when there is a roofbox on the car so I keep reminding him to slow down. He slows down but forgets a short time later and the speed creeps up.

Also, he sometimes drives too close to the car in front - not right on top of it but I feel it would be safer to be further back.

DH likes driving and I don’t want to as i need to go to the opticians and get better glasses - I can’t see well enough in the dark to drive.

I feel i have a right to speak up if we are at a risk of crashing but he thinks i should be quiet.

OP posts:
Sirzy · 01/01/2019 22:17

If I was your dh I would stop the car and tell you to walk

NoPhelange · 01/01/2019 22:19

As a driver there is nothing more distracting and dangerous to me than a passenger constantly nagging and shouting at you about your driving. You either trust them or don't get in the car. He shouldn't be speeding no, but your perception as a passenger is very different to his as the driver. I hate being a passenger for this very reason, I wince going past things that wouldn't make me think twice as a driver. Let him drive.

agnurse · 01/01/2019 22:19

If you can't see well enough to drive, how can you see well enough to backseat drive?

What you're doing is incredibly unsafe as it is distracting for your DH. If you don't like the way he drives, see your optician to get new glasses, or call an Uber or taxi.

Cherries101 · 01/01/2019 22:20

If you don’t trust him to drive you, pay for a taxi or walk. It’s as simple as that really.

macaroniandpizza · 01/01/2019 22:22

If you did that in my car id put you out, its incredibly off putting

MrsWillGardner · 01/01/2019 22:24

How can you not see well enough to drive, but perfectly fine to backseat Drive?

Sitranced · 01/01/2019 22:26

You'd be walking home if you were going that in the back of my car.

drquin · 01/01/2019 22:31

Nah, as soon as you mentioned getting new glasses ..... if you're not driving yourself because you know your glasses aren't, thus eyesight isn't, good enough, then I can't take your backseat driving opinions seriously.

He may not be perfect, few of us are, but you're hardly in a position to comment.

justgivemewine · 01/01/2019 22:35

Leave him to it, nothing guaranteed to wind a driver up and make them more likely to crash than a backseat driver nagging, criticising even if they are right. I say that as someone who has both been the nagger and having been nagged at.
(leaving thread before I start a rant about dh's driving/nagging)

Isth · 01/01/2019 22:37

If you can’t see well enough to drive yourself, I’d be telling you to shut the fuck up. It’s distracting and therefore dangerous to have some tool in the car with you twittering on with their opinions on your driving.

Jimjamjong · 01/01/2019 22:45

YANBU, it's about safety, lots of drivers can't or won't drive properly/safely/according to the highway code. It's a bit annoying to be told that you aren't driving properly but it's in everyone's interest really. I tend to speak out when kids are in the car as I think their safety trumps DH's pride.

CecilyNeville · 01/01/2019 22:45

Voicing opinions when the driver is driving acceptably but just not in the way you would choose is not okay at all, but that's not what's happening here: he's driving illegally by speeding and tailgating, and it's shit being stuck in a car with someone driving illegally and unsafely. Being tailgated is distracting and therefore dangerous and incredibly unsafe.

Mumofaprinny · 01/01/2019 22:46

I agree profusely with Isth

AnneLovesGilbert · 01/01/2019 22:49

Reverse?

If not, back off and leave him to it!

HarrietSchulenberg · 01/01/2019 22:50

If you've not got your glasses and say you can't see well enough to drive, then you really can't judge what he's actually doing. The OP didn't say he was tailgating, CecilyNeville, it's just that she would prefer him to be further away from the car in front.
Frankly, you're just lucky he's not kicked you out at the first layby, OP. You'd be left there with your bags if you tried that twattery in a car with me.

skippy67 · 01/01/2019 22:51

I wouldn't have you in my car. You can't see well enough to drive, but you want to pipe up from the back seat??

masterandmargarita · 01/01/2019 22:57

Back seat driving is annoying but tail gating is far worse and more dangerous.

3boysandabump · 01/01/2019 23:08

I was like this for a while after I'd been involved in an accident.

My dh just pulled the car over and made me drive.

I fully accept IWBU but I couldn't help it.

importantkath · 01/01/2019 23:09

YABU. If you know best, drive. Otherwise, stfu.

LittleCandle · 01/01/2019 23:12

Another vote for ejecting a back seat driver. You don't like the way I drive? Fuck off and walk then. If you can't see well enough to drive, you have no idea how close he might or might not be to the car in front. Perception is different from a passenger's position.

AJPTaylor · 01/01/2019 23:12

Has he ever crashed?.

Armchairanarchist · 01/01/2019 23:13

You're far more dangerous to him right now than 10mph. I would have told you to shut up or drive.

finnmcool · 01/01/2019 23:14

I was a back seat driver because my ex was tail gating on the motorway and my child was in the car.
I told him he can't beat the laws of physics and to back off.
I have no fucks to give if a driver finds that annoying.

donajimena · 01/01/2019 23:16

I think YANBU. Drove up North on the weekend. Some of the driving I saw was shocking. I said to my partner that if I was in the car with any of those drivers I wouldn't be getting in with them again.

Weezol · 01/01/2019 23:19

Perception is different from a passenger's position

I'd be dropping you off at the next services unless you shut the fuck up.