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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a back seat driver

88 replies

LollipopCakeThing · 01/01/2019 22:16

Currently in the car with DH and the DCs on a long journey - DH is fuming because of my back seat driving.

He is annoyed because I keep telling him how to drive. He keeps going about 10mph over the speed limit we are meant to go when there is a roofbox on the car so I keep reminding him to slow down. He slows down but forgets a short time later and the speed creeps up.

Also, he sometimes drives too close to the car in front - not right on top of it but I feel it would be safer to be further back.

DH likes driving and I don’t want to as i need to go to the opticians and get better glasses - I can’t see well enough in the dark to drive.

I feel i have a right to speak up if we are at a risk of crashing but he thinks i should be quiet.

OP posts:

Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 02/01/2019 09:38

By doing that, you're the one being the main distraction that will cause an accident and it's scary that you can't see that.

While you're muttering about his driving, it's one more noise and element distracting him from the road in front. Either keep your mouth shut or drive yourself.

UnknownStuntman · 02/01/2019 09:40

No one has said he is speeding.
No one has said he is tailgating.

He is going a few MPH faster than she would like.
He is apparently closer to the vehicle in front that someone with poor eyesight and is at a completely different angle would like.

Under no circumstances does this mean he is definitely speeding and tailgating. In fact the OP says it's 10mph faster than the roof box company recommends (probably 5mph when you factor in the speedo is set higher than it actually is), so it's safe to assume he's not going over the legal speed limit.

It would be quite nice if posters a) either learned to read and comprehend what has been said and b) not project their own comcerns over what they have failed to understand correctly.

UnknownStuntman · 02/01/2019 09:43

And now we get some idiot pontificating that he is "breaking the law".

He may well be, but as I've just said, if he was, OP would have said so instead of mentioning the limit the roof box provider have set.

strawberrypenguin · 02/01/2019 09:45

YABU you either trust his driving enough for you and your kids to be in his car or you don't. If you don't then don't get in the car.

ChrisjenAvasarala · 02/01/2019 09:48

@UnknownStuntman

If you are in a car with someone and you feel unsafe then you must speak up. There was an entire road safety campaign on that exact topic. I still remember being told that during those random safety lectures in school.

If his driving is irresponsible or his speed is creeping up to much then OP should say something. And if he can't handle being told he is driving too fast when he ACTUALLY IS DRIVING TOO FAST then he needs to learn to take crtisism. She's not picking at stupid things. She's not interfering in what he's doing for fun or cos she wants to control every little detail. There are too specific things; telling him to slow down because he driving over the limit and she feels unsafe - we are told to do this by the road safety advice.
Telling him to back off because he is driving to close and she feels unsafe - we are told to do this by road safety advice.

HeartyLaugh · 02/01/2019 09:49

Tell him to set the speed limiter. That stops the car going over the specified limit.

JassyRadlett · 02/01/2019 10:13

I’m assuming all the ‘it’s a distraction!’ posters demand to drive in total silence from their passengers and never have the radio or music on?

Your commitment to removing all distractions is admirable, though I still have concerns about people’s extreme distracrability once they get behind a wheel. I’m not sure any of you should be driving, really. You sound dangerous.

Pinkyyy · 02/01/2019 10:17

Bloody hell I couldn't put up with all that

explodingkitten · 02/01/2019 12:10

I’m assuming all the ‘it’s a distraction!’ posters demand to drive in total silence from their passengers and never have the radio or music on?

Although I didn't make that comment I do indeed drive in total silence to concentrate.

JassyRadlett · 02/01/2019 12:59

Although I didn't make that comment I do indeed drive in total silence to concentrate.

Gosh. Passengers must struggle...

amicissimma · 02/01/2019 13:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

explodingkitten · 02/01/2019 13:42

@JassyRadlett

Not really. Don't have children (although my brother has and they watch dvds in his car and are quiet). My husband and his family are naturally quiet people as are my friends. I wouldn't mind an odd comment here or there (my instructor gave her whole life story while teaching me) but they just don't do it. I do find the radio really distracting so I consciously turn that off. Music is different than talking with the thump-thump-thump boom tching. I also don't think that the passengers need to talk would trump the need of the driver tbh. If they don't like it they can drive.

explodingkitten · 02/01/2019 13:43

I have to say when I make mistakes when driving it's always when someone is talking to me.

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