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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be a back seat driver

88 replies

LollipopCakeThing · 01/01/2019 22:16

Currently in the car with DH and the DCs on a long journey - DH is fuming because of my back seat driving.

He is annoyed because I keep telling him how to drive. He keeps going about 10mph over the speed limit we are meant to go when there is a roofbox on the car so I keep reminding him to slow down. He slows down but forgets a short time later and the speed creeps up.

Also, he sometimes drives too close to the car in front - not right on top of it but I feel it would be safer to be further back.

DH likes driving and I don’t want to as i need to go to the opticians and get better glasses - I can’t see well enough in the dark to drive.

I feel i have a right to speak up if we are at a risk of crashing but he thinks i should be quiet.

OP posts:

Lazypuppy · 01/01/2019 23:21

YABU.

I wouldn't have you in my car. Back seat drivers are so distracting.

Also, if you don't like his driving don't get in the car.

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2019 23:25

While backseat drivers are annoying and distracting, the many posters here who couldn’t deal safely with their passenger saying ‘hey, you’re going a little fast again’ or ‘you’re getting a bit close to the car in front’ should rethink their own suitability for driving. Drama, much?

CrispbuttyNo1 · 01/01/2019 23:26

You would be turfed out at the next lay-by.

MrsTerryPratcett · 01/01/2019 23:28

How close is he? How many seconds?

finnmcool · 01/01/2019 23:29

Jassy I was thinking the same thing.

User758172 · 01/01/2019 23:31

There’s nothing so distracting and irritating! You need to stop. Get a taxi, or walk, but it’s really unreasonable of you to do this.

HildaZelda · 01/01/2019 23:33

Christ, is that you MIL? Or is there somebody else out there just as irritating?
OP, you're the one putting people in danger not your DH.
If you were in my car you'd either have been thrown out by now or else told to STFU.
Your DH must have the patience of a saint.

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2019 23:33

There’s nothing so distracting and irritating!

I assume you have not driven with young children

Are people really so fragile about their driving that they can’t take someone pointing out that they might not be being safe?

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2019 23:33

Your DH must have the patience of a saint.

Can you have the patience of a saint while being a tailgating speeding twat?

User758172 · 01/01/2019 23:34

My young kids don’t cause me to second-guess my driving ability or my judgement while operating a vehicle, no

NikiFree · 01/01/2019 23:36

I no longer get in a car with someone who drives like a maniac.

Their car is covered in scrapes and dents, one on the bonnet from the cyclist that landed on it after they hit said cyclist while going round a corner too fast.

They have failed to notice a partition down the middle of 2 lanes into a car park (a bit of raised up pavement), changed mind last minute to drive down the other lane and nearly flipped the car when the tyre hit the raised pavement.

They drive with the handbag in their lap so they can text at lights. Frequently get horns sounded for failing to notice the lights have changed as they're texting.

They brake far too late and that is probably why they've had 3 rear end shunts in about 5 years, all caused by them.

They regularly exceed speed limits and do not seem.to care but complain when they get sent fines after being caught on speed camera.

I refuse to get in their car.

What I wouldn't do is get in and back seat drive.

NikiFree · 01/01/2019 23:37

Are people really so fragile about their driving that they can’t take someone pointing out that they might not be being safe?

The person who's car I refuse to now get in was.

They are bloody dangerous but didn't want to hear it.

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2019 23:39

My young kids don’t cause me to second-guess my driving ability or my judgement while operating a vehicle, no

I’d work on your ability to take feedback tbh, if it’s more distracting that fighting or crying children. It must be quite a burden.

No driver is ever perfect. We all get things wrong sometimes. I’d rather have someone point out when I might not be being safe than go on being potentially unsafe to safeguard my ego.

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2019 23:41

My young kids don’t cause me to second-guess my driving ability or my judgement while operating a vehicle, no

And I’ll lend you my 7 year old. He helpfully pipes up if I’m going 1 mile over the speed limit.

User758172 · 01/01/2019 23:53

I don’t have this problem. I’m an excellent driver

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/01/2019 00:32

How can you see the speedo if you don't have good vision? Also, most cars have speedos that show 3-5mph than you're actually doing - and if, when you say back-seat driver, you're actually in the passenger seat, you won't be able to read the speedo accurately.

Are you in the UK? I've never heard of reduced speed restrictions if you have a roofbox, as is the case with a caravan or trailer. Roofbox manufacturers state a safe max speed, but these are usually some way over the normal legal limit anyway.

As PP have said, if you don't trust him to drive then simply refuse to travel with him - or you could always get your glasses sorted and drive yourself.

There's nothing more annoying than being nagged about doing something wrong by somebody who isn't actually able (even if temporarily) to do it themselves.

Original poster

LollipopCakeThing · 02/01/2019 00:32

Why should I just be quiet if I’m afraid he might crash and injure me and the children.

I presume the roof box company give a maximum speed limit for a reason and going over it isn’t safe.

OP posts:

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/01/2019 00:32

3-5mph higher* than you're actually doing

Original poster

LollipopCakeThing · 02/01/2019 00:35

Just because my eyes are not sharp enough to safely drive at night doesn’t mean I can’t see a thing. I was sitting in the back with the baby so could see the speedometer.

OP posts:

WeBuiltThisBuffetOnSausageRoll · 02/01/2019 00:35

Why should I just be quiet if I'm afraid he might crash and injure me and the children.

If you have genuine cause to fear for your and your children's safety and he hasn't responded to your requests to comply to your wishes, what on earth are you doing staying in the car with him? Insist he pull over as soon as is safe and legal to do so and then you and the children make alternative onward travel arrangements.

JassyRadlett · 02/01/2019 00:35

I don’t have this problem. I’m an excellent driver

Except for the bit where you become dangerously distracted by someone giving feedback on your driving and suggesting you drive more safely?

GunpowderGelatine · 02/01/2019 00:37

People like you are immensely distracting, and if you can't see well enough to drove you can't make judgements on whether he's too close to the car in front.

wolfhall61 · 02/01/2019 07:02

Morning op, my husband asked me to slow down once when I was driving because he didn't feel safe. I was doing 80 and really thought he was worrying over nothing.

I did slow down on that journey and all others. Not saying I never went faster than a limit again. It is frighteningly easy for speed to creep up when in a flow of traffic.

It was about 6 months into our relationship and I was embarrassed and cross about it but listened.

I got caught by a camera doing 75 on the motorway six months ago. Did a speed awareness course and it showed me how right he has been all those years ago! It must only have been a matter of seconds as I have an alert set on the sat nav to beep at me if going faster than the limit.

toomuchtooold · 02/01/2019 07:13

Thule boxes have a recommended speed limit, I remember it from when we used to drive up to Scotland from London, making a bloody long journey seemingly endless...

I agree with you Jassy I'd be more concerned about riding Inna car with people who are so badly distracted by a couple of comments on their driving. I did an advanced driving course for my work and the whole course consists of someone sitting next to you making comments like this. If you go for the advanced driver qualification you're supposed to be taking in all sorts of information about the environment around you and feeding back on it to the instructor. Driving with a back seat driver is just good training for something like that!

Dermymc · 02/01/2019 07:14

I'd drop you off and tell you to walk. Absolutely nothing more distracting or irritating than a back seat driver.

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