Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have fallen out with my brother today

302 replies

Iswallowtoothpaste · 01/01/2019 17:09

My DB has a little girl’s whose just turned 2. We have a 5 YO DD who can be noisy, energetic and ever so slightly irritating at times but there’s no nastiness with her. She’s lovely and gentle with her little cousin.

My brother has been going through a hard time recently, he’s split with his GF who has gone back to her ex, fair enough, not the best of thugs to have to go through.

I’ve noticed recently that he’s been really quite short with DD. Sometimes it’s maybe called for example being if she’s getting in Dniece’s face a bit much but other times it feels like he’s snapping because he doesn’t like her.

If she tries to give him a cuddle he recoils - just recently I get the feeling that he absolutely dispises her.

Last week he’d snapped at her yet again so I’d snapped at him back and asked what his problem was. He said nothing and that he was just having a bad day so I reminded him that I wasn’t DD’s fault that he was having a bad day and that I wouldn’t dream of snapping at his little girl like that.

Today he came round again with DN. He changed her nappy as soon as he got here. DN was still laid on the floor and trying to pull her shoes off. DD went over and pulled her shoes off for her, we have a rule about no shoes in the house and DD was talking about this rule as she took the shoes off. My brother then walks back into the living room whilst DD is taking the shoes off and tells her to stop taking them off as he’s just put them back on. DD replies ‘but we have a rule that we’re not allowed to wear shoes isn’t thw house.’ I’m absolute mortified by what happened next, he grabbed my DD and plonked her down, pretty much from mid air with no care whatsoever, she stumbled back, didn’t hurt herself but it was the manner in which it was done. He had a face like thunder and it was quite aggressive like he couldn’t control his temper. He then snatched the shoes off DD and swore at her. I’ve told him to get out of our home. I wouldn’t dream of doing that to my own child never mind someone else’s.

I’m so upset for DD. After he’d gone she said ‘he hates me, doesn’t he?’

There’s no nastiness in her at all. She shares and plays nicely and is so gentle with younger children. Even her teachers have commented on how lovely she is with the younger children in the school.

I’m so upset and shocked by his behavior.

OP posts:
Wordthe · 01/01/2019 21:42

If he behaves like that in front of other people I would worry about what goes on behind closed doors

ListenLinda · 01/01/2019 21:46

Salem seriously? What is your problem with the OP? Your responses aren’t even slightly relevant to what OP has asked.

ID81241 · 01/01/2019 21:47

Came here to say what @Goldmandra said more eloquently than I could. I'm astounded at some of these posts and hope that the posters justifying your DBs actions or making out that your daughter was backchatting (whatever that means), don't have children themselves.

Your daughter doesn't sound annoying... please don't listen to those posters OP as you don't want to hold a small child to adult standards for fear of miserable people judgement... she just sounds like a normal, inquisitive 5 year old.

Goldmandra · 01/01/2019 21:48

So I am the one with a phobia

Err...yes Confused

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/01/2019 21:51

Anybody who worries more about 'foot sweat' than the nasties that can be picked up from the outside world most definitely has a phobia! Unless you haven't showered in a millenia, in which case tbh I wouldn't want you in my house anyway...

BunnyCake · 01/01/2019 21:56

You did the right thing. Unfortunately it sounds like your dd's comment about how your brother feels about her was correct, based on how aggressively he treats her.

Aftereights91 · 01/01/2019 22:04

Op have you spoken to your brother yet?

subspace · 01/01/2019 22:06

OP, I was going to stop replying on here, but a working farm does not have animals roaming near a house. Only a hobby/show farm would.
Dangerous animals like horses or bulls who could harm an adult or kill a child are not allowed, by LAW, near a residence. They are in a paddock.

HmmNot sure if poster is cute in their assured ignorance or irritating.

I don't have cows outside of my window where I currently live, but in the past I've had cattle, horses and sheep immediately outside the house, with the latter two having come inside of their own bloody minded curiosity on more than one occasion.

Pissedoffdotcom · 01/01/2019 22:07

Subspace pleeeeease tell me you took photos 😂😂

subspace · 01/01/2019 22:07

(I'd have asked the horses to take their shoes off first, but they were sweaty barefoot anyway Wink)

BunnyCake · 01/01/2019 22:08

Meant to ask, what's in that jar next to the tiara and iron on the window ledge?

WoahBaby · 01/01/2019 22:10

OP I'm so sorry this happened, your DD must be feeling very confused and hurt. You absolutely did the right thing and it's great DD saw you protecting her. I'd be raging mad at my DB if he did that to any child let alone my own. How is he with his own DD? Is he keeping his cool there?

subspace · 01/01/2019 22:11

@Pissedoffdotcom I think my parents did of the pony (I of course was delighted) but it was pre-digital photos!

The sheep were more recently but I'd have been too busy getting the bloody things out again!

Goldmandra · 01/01/2019 22:15

I live in a farming community. We've had a sheep invasion during a barbecue, cows in the front garden, a tractor parked on the front lawn, bullocks roaming free in the lane and a pony in the back garden. It doesn't happen often but a window overlooking a field of cattle is perfectly normal.

BTW, what is a 'show' farm?

SalemBlackCat4 · 01/01/2019 22:16

@ListenLinda Seriously? If you think my responses aren't relevant to what the OP posts, maybe you should read the actual thread and you would see they are.

Cherries101 · 01/01/2019 22:17

My normally sweet 6 yo DN told my DN that he was horrible and she hated him. He’s only 3. As a result DNwas unconsolable for hours, got clingy when DB tried to leave him with me and my DB was furious with my neice. Apparently she has said this more than once to him in DB’s presence. While furious (DB going through a lot of stuff) he told her off and demanded she go on the naughty step. He didn’t hurt her at all. What your brother did was unacceptable and I wouldn’t allow him to see my kids again.

SalemBlackCat4 · 01/01/2019 22:18

@Goldmandra Then you must think those who are phobic over a speck of mud on shoes aught to be committed then! Confused Hmm

SalemBlackCat4 · 01/01/2019 22:19

@Pissedoffdotcom Anyone who worries over a bit of mud on a shoe over foot odour, sweat, bacteria and skin cells has serious issues and their priorities back to front. Confused

Original poster
Iswallowtoothpaste · 01/01/2019 22:21

Well, I calmed down, I rang my brother and he wouldn’t answer his phone.

My mum then rung me and asked me what had happened. I explained exactly what happened (he’s living with her at the moment) and she was horrified.

I wasn’t aware but she said that he had been going out most nights every week and getting absolutely sozzled, coming home and punching holes in his bedroom wall. Luckily my stepdad is in the house too otherwise I’d be worried for my mums safety.

I’ve told her that he needs help and that I’ll support him and help him in anyway I can but bullying my 5 YO isn’t acceptable.

My mum had my DD one Sunday afternoon a couple of months ago and she said that DN had taken her colouring pencils, she had asked DN or them back but was met it’s ‘no, mine!’ So my mum had intervened and found DN something else to play with and given DD her pencils back. DN didn’t take kindly to having the pencils taken away from her and screamed at my mum which led to my brother walking through the door shouting at DD ‘what have you done to her you little f*er.’ Mum told him that she hadn’t done anything, DN had just had he pencils taken off her and wasn’t happy about in.

I wasn’t told this, I wish she had told me earlier. This was before I’d noticed his attitude towards DD.

@BunnyCake ha! Excuse the clutter! I was in the middle of tidying putting everything away but that was a photo opportunity not to be missed! It’s a craft jar with tissue paper, sequins, pipe cleaners etc

OP posts:
PhilomenaNewYearButterfly · 01/01/2019 22:22

Welcome to where I'm from. Xmas Grin

SalemBlackCat4 · 01/01/2019 22:24

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

justilou1 · 01/01/2019 22:24

Frankly I’m less interested in the ins and outs of how the farm is run (although the cow has a lovely, smiley face) and I’m more interested in the conversation with brother about treating your little girl like that again, etc.

PhilomenaNewYearButterfly · 01/01/2019 22:24

Is that your loo? Having a cow staring at me while I was having a shit would be most off putting! Xmas Grin

Goldmandra · 01/01/2019 22:24

Then you must think those who are phobic over a speck of mud on shoes aught to be committed then!

There aren't any on this thread Grin

Having a phobia isn't a reason for admission to a mental health unit if that's what you mean by being committed.

I'm sure your GP could refer you for some appropriate treatment which wouldn't involve being 'committed' although there's likely to be a long waiting list Smile

Original poster
Iswallowtoothpaste · 01/01/2019 22:26

@PhilomenaNewYearButterfly nooo! It’s our living room window haha!

OP posts: