Mine is pretty much the same as the ones posted here, but I've had to leave a few as I seem prone to getting into arguments.....can't think why.....
Recent gems include:
Person 1: does anyone know what time the shop opens
Person 2: no
That one just cracks me up every time I think of it.
This week someone offering a sofa, free to collect.
Someone underneath 'I'd like it if you can confirm it comes from a vegan household and what is the country of origin'. (No clue as to what countries were acceptable)
That descended into people saying they only wanted it if it came from World of Leather and had been used as a sacrificial altar....then it all got removed.
And one where I got into an 'exchange' with someone who answered the question 'what times do the buses run', with 'fifty five minutes to the hour'.
I replied 'do you mean five past?'
Her: 'no, fifty five minutes to'
Me: 'it's the same thing though'
Her: 'no it's not'
Other person: 'lol it's just a turn of phrase, it just means fifty five minutes to the hour'
Me: 'it's not a turn of phrase I've heard, it's confusing, if you mean, say, one fifty five, that's five to two, but if you say fifty five minutes to two, that's five past one.'
First person: 'if you want to know the bus times look them up yourself'
(Fair enough I suppose, and I didn't want to know the bus times, but I'm still 
at all that as it's not a way I have ever heard time stated!)