my local facebook community group is spectacularly idiotic today, is yours?

[GaryBaldbiscuit]

Just a few
Is the tip open today?
Are there any buses?
Are the doctors open?
Can I weigh my baby today?

To name but a few!

This thread has really cheered me up! Although I now have the urge to eat pickled onions.

I’m in 2 and they’re both awful. As well as everything already mentioned, there’s an awful lot of:

1. Virtue signalling style “thank you” posts. Eg thanks so much to the woman who gave my toddler a biscuit when he was crying in the coffee shop, really helped me out, pay it forward!

1. Sarcastic thank you posts. Eg thanks so much to the person driving the black bmw who just cut me up at the roundabout!! Learn to drive!!

1. People altruistically offering to give away absolute shite. Genuinely seen a few recently which are like “anyone want this half used bottle of shampoo with a slightly crusty top before I chuck it away? Collect from Yellowbrick Road.”

🙄🙄🙄

Thats not nice roger absolute gold

Team Roger.

I’m in Manchester so ours today is full of racist shit about the attack last night. The police have more important things to do than update Facebook about an ongoing incident until they are ready.
Usually it’s full of missing cats and requests for make up artists.

Mudmonster that's awful, and sadly not very surprising

Ours has someone asking recommendations for a Chinese take-away and oven cleaners every fucking day. How difficult is it to scroll back a bit or use the search function?

I've also seen at least three people in the last couple of weeks asking recommendations for an OCD style cleaner . That one really starts to piss me off but I daren't comment in fear of being called a bully and a troll

Ours had

Is JD Sports open today?
Did you hear the police helicopter last night?
Oh and the best.....Johnny Depp just came through the train station.

Oh there was a massive firework row on ours too.

Mainly because someone started early around 9.30 and some else had just let their dog out, was funny reading the slanging matches between the joy suckers and inconsiderate arseholes

many many rants about dog shit. earlier this year posts where band about it as someone had identified a culprit and the village decided to get the pitch forks out and head round to their house, also someone reported the culprits car as not been taxed, Next thing the DVLA have visited village and also found fucking loads of other cars not taxed 😂😂😂😂

OMG a helicopter just flew over, does anyone know why???

lost turkey crown? (imagines turkey looking sad with picture of jewelled crown)

Ours involves rows over whether you should feed bread to the ducks on the lake, the dog poo bins not being emptied, which morphed into the many methods of disposing of dog poo and parking on the estate.

Lost dogs and when are the binmen coming in mine. Should be noted that just within 6 streets of me there are 3 entirely different days for bin collection...

@Chesneyhawkes1, that was me last night I goggled and found a list of pharmacies that would usually still be open around 8pm but when I rang them they said they were closing at 6pm. So I had no choice but to Facebook a stupid question.

In the end the out of hours doctor sent us to a chemist that was 100% definitely going to be open. When we arrived there at 8.30pm he was actually just about to walk out the door as he was officially closing at 8pm and didn't understand why OOHs sent us to him.

TG the wonderful guy wouldn't see us stuck and sorted us out otherwise we would have had to go to A&E to get a prescription filled.

1. Dogs/Cats missing or found. Usually with the cats they are just wandering around and the ‘finder’ suddenly decides it’s in need of rescuing and posting to Facebook.

1. Police Helicopter - why is it out? Pure nosiness

1. ‘Thank you to the kind woman who returned my Greggs Pasty when I dropped it outside of Wilkos this afternoon; without it my 2 year old wouldn’t have had any lunch’/or bank cards lost or found

1. Is Asda open? Is buses running? Any taxi numbers? Any Make up artists available? Any hairdressers open (on New Years Day)

1. A post from either someone complaining about someone driving too slow, or too fast which leads to huge arguments.

That is pretty much my local Facebook. It is funny if just for the comments.

That's not nice Roger

ROARING

How do you lose a turkey crown I can see this ending up in classics.

Ours is full of shite like "when are schools back" (note - no please or question mark)
Which school? Some have PD days
"Name of suburb"
Which one?? There's 3 just in that suburb!!!

Yup, usual things about binmen (I contributed to that though!) and miserable killjoys on about fireworks (uh, yes it's New Years)

Passive aggressive parking comments
Loose livestock, lost pets
Can anybody do ...,, my nails/hair/make up at extremely short notice?
Can anybody make a really elaborate celebration cake for pennies for about 2 days time?
What’s on for kids this weekend?
What time is the Co-op open today?

❤️ Roger

I'm slightly disappointed, mines all very nicey-nicey today!
Lots of lovely photos of last nights fireworks, although there are the odd comments grumbling about said fireworks.
There's also photos of this mornings annual New Year dip in the sea, some random comments about how busy the town is today and how difficult it is to get parked (New years day, sea-side town, lovely weather 🙄).

We've also had one particularly unpleasant post from a taxi driver who apparently gave a ride 'home' to a homeless man who bragged about the fact he made £200 last night from all of the drunk women!

Popular topics on ours is dog poo and traffic wardens ticketing locals at 6am but not ticketing the tourists who blatantly park in clear ways en masse during events etc

Mine has the usual dog shit/ is X open/ why do people drive so fast? posts. The answer to the last one is usually "the same reason you drive too fast through other people's villages, you just don't give a shit unless it's your own road".

No-one would ask about loose sheep, they generally just shove them in the nearest field. We are coming up to the time of year when they'll be a few about lambs. And then there's "I saw a collie running along the main road past Smith's place" followed by any eye-rolling "yes, it's Smith's dog, it does the rounds every night" and then a row about that.

Ours is usually fairly tame and sensible but there was one enormous brawl over (of all things) someone kindly warning about dodgy people trying to get into her block of flats by pretending to be from the housing association.

Someone else took enormous offence at this warning for some reason and went off on a rant about how everyone knows not to let people in, what a waste of our time posting such nonsense, blah blah. She went on to block the original poster and (apparently) post a rant on her own Facebook page .

Old Lands Eye is easily one of the best mondegreens I’ve ever heard

My locAl one was hilarious. Admin were renowned for banning people so they set up a rival group so there was loads of hoo ha around that. Then the original.one ended up folding after accusations that they were spying on the splinter groups page and loads of other shit going on between the two groups.